hey if you know a good joke then post it, iv had a bad day and would really like to be cheered up, pluse everybody could uses a good laugh sometimes
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what do you get if you cross a road with a wheelbarrow?
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i dont know what do u get?
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Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he was feelin crummy! Oh yeah you said good jokes. what does Santa do before he delivers presents? He gets stoned!
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i liked the cookie one better, come on i know you can do better than that
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have you heard about the confused gay dwarf?
He woke up feeling Happy and Grumpy at the same time.
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What's the difference between dead people and boomerangs?
N.
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what?
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Dead people don't come back.
(it's a harsh truth we all have to learn at some point).
N.
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um no offence but that was a terrible joke,
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It's great at funerals.
Where does Saddam Hussein keep his CDs? In Iraq. That's unfortunately dated, that one.
N.
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why don't blind people go sky diving?
Cos it scares the shit out of the dog!
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What's the best thing about having sex with twenty-eight year olds?
There are twenty of them! Yay!
N.
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lanky that was actually quite funny. could have been funnier if you'd managed to get a michael jackson link in there though.....
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Yay, an appreciative audience.
What's the difference between having a buffalo-type animal in your bath linen and being done Barrymore-style by an ex-heavyweight chamion of the world?
One's having bison in your towels...
Now I must watch Eastenders.
N.
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Dead terrorist found in micheal barrymore's swimming pool. Police suspect it was a suicide bumming...I know, terrible
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Iwas on the telephone the other day - Ifell off
Guess who I bumped into at the opticians the other day?
Everyone
Hear about the magic tractor?Went down the road and turned into a field
A scarecrow won a prize recently, for outstanding work in his field
(These are shit, sorry)
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What's the difference between a pizza and a j... oh wait, that one's too racist.
What the hell is an irish handshake?
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sorry to keep you in suspense for about 5 hours, if you cross a road with a wheelbarrow, you get.... to the other side of the road with a wheelbarrow.
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Why do Hippies drink Herbal Tea?
Because all Proper Tea is theft.
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how many roadies does it take to change a light bulb?
One, two, one, two
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Why does Noddy wear a hat with a bell on it?
Cos he's a cunt.
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What A Woman/
What a woman says, what she really means...
I need = I want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I have a severe case of PMS
sorry to all you ladies but it is kind of funny
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Man walks into a bar with a giraffe. The man walks out leaving his giraffe behind. The barmaid says 'Oi! you cant leave that lying there' to which the man replies 'Its not a lion, its a giraffe'
or...
Two peanuts were walking down the street...one was assaulted (a salted)
arf arf
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Q. What's got 3 legs and lives on a farm ?
A. The McCartneys
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Ok... I admit it... I laughed
(quite loudly, now I think about it...)
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Q: How do you make a duck sing lovely day?
A: Put it in the oven until it's bill withers
I thankyou
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that's one of my personal favourites, but I forgot it earlier.
also the old chicken tarka gag. utterly hilarious.
N.
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Sorry to be pedantic, that one should be Marxists :-)
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Came in at the wrong point, that refers to the herbal tea one
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did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of musli, strong currents dragged him under. Yes Victory!
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what do you call 1000 cupcakes at a rave?
abundance
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why did the lepper ice hockey match get cancelled? there was a face-off in the corner
ai o!
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Q. What do you call someone who likes to hang about with musicians ?
A. A drummer
Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine ?
A. With a drum machine, you only have to punch the information in once.
Q. How do you know when it's a drummer knocking on your door ?
A. The knocking keeps slowing down.
Q. What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend ?
A. Homeless
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Do you have issues?
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cadd - that last one is both drummist and sexist! i call you be removed from DiS NOW! :-)
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I've also heard that last one told as what do you all a roadie without a girlfriend.
They were just a pile of drummer jokes which have accumulated in my memory over the years.
Yes, I have issues. But, I'm building a bridge, one day at a time. My psychologist sent me to the DIS site, after he called me, weeping, at 3am.
Don't remove me from DIS, apparently the only people who'll have you after you're booted from here are the UKIP.
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I'm sure the very nice clowns at XFM would also except you. If you let them knaw on your shoes for a while they make you a moderator!
I have a whole heep of sexist jokes... which are indeed very funny.. too funny for here though.
hows about:
a duck walks into the newsagent and asks
'got any grapes?'
the shop assistant says no
the next day the duck walks into the newsagent and asks
'got any grapes?'
the shop assistant replies 'no, and if you come here and ask me that again, I'll nail your feet to the floor'
the next day duck walks into the newsagent and asks
'got any nails?'
and the shop assistant replies 'no'
so then the duck asks 'got any grapes?'
oh a classic..
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Things my friends have said right before they died became severly injured or violently ill
I'll get a world record for this.
Let me reach in and get your watch out of the printing press.
It's fireproof.
He's probably just hibernating.
I'm making a citizen's arrest.
So, you're a cannibal.
It's probably just a rash.
Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
The odds of that happening have to be a million-to-one!
Pull the pin and count to what?
Which wire was I supposed to cut?
I wonder where the mother bear is.
I've seen this done on TV.
These are the good kind of mushrooms.
I'll hold it and you light the fuse.
Funny, you look just like Charles Manson.
Rat poison only kills rats.
It can't possibly rain for forty days and nights.
This doesn't taste right.
I can make this light before it changes.
Nice doggie.
I can do that with my eyes closed.
Well, we've made it this far.
That's odd.
Don't be so superstitious!
i need new freinds before i get hurt
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some of those are just famous last words not nessisarly said by my freinds
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i liked those last words.
a good one would be "Lets play this Nickelback record"
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An expectant couple were soon to have their first child. Their doctor told them of a new invention to relieve the mother's pain during childbirth. This invention could be attached to the mother and it would transfer the pain she experienced to the baby's father.
The couple talked it over and the husband was anxious to help his wife with her delivery. When the blessed time came, they opted to use the new invention. It was strapped to the mother and the dial was set at 1.
With the mother's contraction, the husband felt no pain. He asked that the dial be adjusted to 3. With the next contractions, the mother felt less pain and the husband tolerated the experience well.
The husband, feeling courageous and noble, asked that the dial be turned to 100%. The nurse did so and the mother completed the entire labor and delivery with no pain. The husband did not feel any pain either, and was certain that women had over-rated their plight in childbirth.
A few days later the happy new family returned home from the hospital. They were shocked as they drove into their driveway to see the mailman lying dead on the front porch
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A spastic walks up to an ice cream van...
Spastic: "Can i have an ice cream?"
Ice Cream Man: "What flavour?"
Spastic: "Dosen't matter, i'll only drop it."
ta-da arf arf bam bam boyakasha etc.
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this post wins best jokes!!!
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I meant this one
"Things my friends have said right before they died became severly injured or violently ill
I'll get a world record for this.
Let me reach in and get your watch out of the printing press.
It's fireproof.
He's probably just hibernating.
I'm making a citizen's arrest.
So, you're a cannibal.
It's probably just a rash.
Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
The odds of that happening have to be a million-to-one!
Pull the pin and count to what?
Which wire was I supposed to cut?
I wonder where the mother bear is.
I've seen this done on TV.
These are the good kind of mushrooms.
I'll hold it and you light the fuse.
Funny, you look just like Charles Manson.
Rat poison only kills rats.
It can't possibly rain for forty days and nights.
This doesn't taste right.
I can make this light before it changes.
Nice doggie.
I can do that with my eyes closed.
Well, we've made it this far.
That's odd.
Don't be so superstitious!
i need new freinds before i get hurt"
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HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN A DRUM RISER IS LEVEL?
DROOL RUNS OUT OF BOTH SIDES OF ZOES MOUTH.
zoe is a drummer.
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I have a drummer joke...
A drummer is sick of playing the drums and decides to learn a new instrument.
So he goes to the music shop and is having a look around trying to decide.
"Can I help you?" says the shop assistant.
The drummer can't make up his mind between two of the instruments so he decides to take them both.
"I'll take the beige xylophone and the red saxophone"
The shop assistant replies "You can have the radiator but the fire extinguisher stays"
--------------
I have another joke. Hope noone takes offence
--------------
Q:What's pink and stiff and makes girls scream in the morning?
A:Cot Death
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Why did the girl fall off the swings?
Because she didn't have any arms.
A few months before my granddad died, we smeared his back with grease. He went downhill quickly after that.
Cashback.
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Q. What do you get if you cross Sean Adams with Mick Hucknall?
A. www.drownedinsound.com
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FcNikney, you really are a fucking cock, aren't you?
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chat up line : does this rag smell of chloroform to you?
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why did the girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms. hohoho
a dyslexic man walks into a bra.
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Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
tee hee...
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What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
(c) Peter Kay 2004
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A friend of mine got run over by a mobile library the other day. He was screaming in pain in the middle of the road.
The driver got out and said 'shush'.
HaHaHa!
Peter Kay! He's the best!
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oH DEAR. lOVELESS' nODDY joke just caught me unawares and I spent the last 5 mins chortling.
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sTOLEN SHAMELESSLY FROM GIGWISE:
"Flat Tummy"
A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom see's her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dress's quickly and goes to find him. The son see's his mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time." says the boy.
"Why is that?" asked him mom, puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
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Jesus, in a very worried state, convened all of his apostles and disciples to an emergency meeting because of the high drug consumption problem all over the earth.
After giving it much thought they reached the conclusion that in order to better deal with the problem, that they should try the drugs themselves and then decide on the correct way to proceed. It was therefore decided that a commission made up of some of the members return to earth to get the different types of drugs.
The secret operation is effected and two days later the
commissioned disciples begin to return to heaven. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in the first disciple:
"Who is it?"
"It's Paul"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Paul?"
"Hashish from Morocco"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?"
It's Mark"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Mark?"
"Marijuana from Colombia"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?"
"It's Matthew"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Matthew ?"
"Cocaine from Bolivia"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?"
"It's John"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring John ?"
"Crack from New York"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?"
It's Luke"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Luke ?"
"Speed from Amsterdam"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?"
"It's Judas"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Judas ?"
"The FBI, YOU SCUMSUCKERS! EVERYONE ASSUME THE POSITION AGAINST THE WALL!"
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hey you stole my joke! unless you were quoting it, in which case... thanks?
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i wanted to watch the origami championship on the olympics tonite til i found out its paper view.....
geddit pay per view..............yippee!!!!!!!
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how do u kill a circus?
go for the juggler........
a peter kay 1.....hes the best...
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why did tigger put his head down the toilet?
he was looking for poo(h)
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You got that off Captain Underpants!
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actually i got it off my 4 year old daughter....but i'm sure captain underpants tells it better
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Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Steven Hawking after a house fire!
What's worse than Michael Jackson sleep with ur kids?
Letting Ian Huntley give them a bath!
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Two young men living in Dublin, brainwashed by propaganda, decide to join the IRA. They venture down to the local IRA pub one day and talk to the bartender about joining up. He informs them that "Someone will be around to you shortly."
That night, the two mates are sitting in their flat when a bunch of guys in balaclavas break down the door, tie the two guys up and throw them into the back of a waiting van. The van drives all the way up into the mountains, right up to an old shack. It stops and one of the guys is shoved into the shack, while the other is kept outside.
Inside, the guy's blindfold is taken off and he sees a man sitting behind a desk with a gun.
"So you wanna join the IRA?", he asks.
"Yeah! Sure I do!" replies our hero.
"To be a member of this organisation takes the greatest commitment. You have to do whatever we say, whenever we say it. You got that?"
"Yeah, yeah! Sure!"
"Ok. Take this gun, go outside and shoot your friend in the back of the head."
The guy is shocked. "I can't do that! He's my best mate!"
"If you wanna join up, you shoot him. Now go and do it."
Reluctantly, the poor guy takes the gun and exits. A few minutes later, he re-enters in a fury and slams the gun down on the table shouting, "There's no fucking bullets in that gun!"
"I know", says the IRA guy, "It was a test to see how far you were willing to go for the IRA. You've passed. Now bring your friend in here, I want to talk to him."
Our hero replies, "But I strangled the bastard!"
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Why did the girl fall off the swings?
Because she didn't have any arms. ....
that is genius man!!
sorry about this joke by the way....
How do you make a baby paint a wall?
Throw it really Hard!!
What do you call an italian with a rubber toe??
Roberto
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i like how my jokes, completely killed the topic...were they that bad????
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seemingly so...actually i did laugh..a little....but it is a tad late for me..and a couple of hours past my bed time..hehe..;)
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oooh i heard two BAD jokes today!!
ok, number one:-
q - what's blue and fucks grannies?
a - hypothermia
AND
q - what's four feet long and fucks up gerbils and rabbits?
a - a sledgehammer
arf arf
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Q. How many people in Stalinist Russia did it take to change a lightbulb ?
A. Ten, one to change the bulb, nine to denounce the dangerous intellectual.
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teacher: Simon can you spell your name backwards?
Simon: NO MIS
Q:what do you throw a ethiopian that is drowning?
A:A polo
that one is old^.
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Yeah alomg with the ethiopians in a phone box, series.
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they arent as funny though.
just said it in case no one had heard it.
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This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife and children.
I'll never forget that game of cards...
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i thought that was quite funny
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What's the difference between Sean Adams and a bailiff?
Nothing. They both make money off people in the (Simply) Red.
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well done that wasa quite clever for a cunt like you...
hmm
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What did the zero say to the eight? Hey, nice belt.
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whats the best thing about getting a hand job off a six year old?
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errrm, do i really want to know???
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A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he said. "And you can have him for five dollars."
The neighbour said, "Who do you think you're kidding with this talking dog stuff? There isn't such an animal."
Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times."
"Hey!" said the neighbour. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?"
"Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all his lies."
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it makes your cock look big....
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If Rooney goes to Man U he'll get 50 grans a week
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whats the difference between an 8 year old boy and micheal jackson?
the 8 year old boy fancies 8 year old girls.
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8 year olds don't fancy each other. I was scared of girls until puberty.
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He woke up feeling Happy and Grumpy at the same time.
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N.
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(it's a harsh truth we all have to learn at some point).
N.
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Where does Saddam Hussein keep his CDs? In Iraq. That's unfortunately dated, that one.
N.
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Cos it scares the shit out of the dog!
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There are twenty of them! Yay!
N.
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What's the difference between having a buffalo-type animal in your bath linen and being done Barrymore-style by an ex-heavyweight chamion of the world?
One's having bison in your towels...
Now I must watch Eastenders.
N.
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Guess who I bumped into at the opticians the other day?
Everyone
Hear about the magic tractor?Went down the road and turned into a field
A scarecrow won a prize recently, for outstanding work in his field
(These are shit, sorry)
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What the hell is an irish handshake?
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Because all Proper Tea is theft.
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One, two, one, two
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Cos he's a cunt.
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What a woman says, what she really means...
I need = I want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I have a severe case of PMS
sorry to all you ladies but it is kind of funny
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or...
Two peanuts were walking down the street...one was assaulted (a salted)
arf arf
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A. The McCartneys
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(quite loudly, now I think about it...)
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A: Put it in the oven until it's bill withers
I thankyou
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also the old chicken tarka gag. utterly hilarious.
N.
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abundance
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ai o!
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A. A drummer
Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine ?
A. With a drum machine, you only have to punch the information in once.
Q. How do you know when it's a drummer knocking on your door ?
A. The knocking keeps slowing down.
Q. What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend ?
A. Homeless
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They were just a pile of drummer jokes which have accumulated in my memory over the years.
Yes, I have issues. But, I'm building a bridge, one day at a time. My psychologist sent me to the DIS site, after he called me, weeping, at 3am.
Don't remove me from DIS, apparently the only people who'll have you after you're booted from here are the UKIP.
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I have a whole heep of sexist jokes... which are indeed very funny.. too funny for here though.
hows about:
a duck walks into the newsagent and asks
'got any grapes?'
the shop assistant says no
the next day the duck walks into the newsagent and asks
'got any grapes?'
the shop assistant replies 'no, and if you come here and ask me that again, I'll nail your feet to the floor'
the next day duck walks into the newsagent and asks
'got any nails?'
and the shop assistant replies 'no'
so then the duck asks 'got any grapes?'
oh a classic..
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I'll get a world record for this.
Let me reach in and get your watch out of the printing press.
It's fireproof.
He's probably just hibernating.
I'm making a citizen's arrest.
So, you're a cannibal.
It's probably just a rash.
Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
The odds of that happening have to be a million-to-one!
Pull the pin and count to what?
Which wire was I supposed to cut?
I wonder where the mother bear is.
I've seen this done on TV.
These are the good kind of mushrooms.
I'll hold it and you light the fuse.
Funny, you look just like Charles Manson.
Rat poison only kills rats.
It can't possibly rain for forty days and nights.
This doesn't taste right.
I can make this light before it changes.
Nice doggie.
I can do that with my eyes closed.
Well, we've made it this far.
That's odd.
Don't be so superstitious!
i need new freinds before i get hurt
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a good one would be "Lets play this Nickelback record"
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An expectant couple were soon to have their first child. Their doctor told them of a new invention to relieve the mother's pain during childbirth. This invention could be attached to the mother and it would transfer the pain she experienced to the baby's father.
The couple talked it over and the husband was anxious to help his wife with her delivery. When the blessed time came, they opted to use the new invention. It was strapped to the mother and the dial was set at 1.
With the mother's contraction, the husband felt no pain. He asked that the dial be adjusted to 3. With the next contractions, the mother felt less pain and the husband tolerated the experience well.
The husband, feeling courageous and noble, asked that the dial be turned to 100%. The nurse did so and the mother completed the entire labor and delivery with no pain. The husband did not feel any pain either, and was certain that women had over-rated their plight in childbirth.
A few days later the happy new family returned home from the hospital. They were shocked as they drove into their driveway to see the mailman lying dead on the front porch
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Spastic: "Can i have an ice cream?"
Ice Cream Man: "What flavour?"
Spastic: "Dosen't matter, i'll only drop it."
ta-da arf arf bam bam boyakasha etc.
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"Things my friends have said right before they died became severly injured or violently ill
I'll get a world record for this.
Let me reach in and get your watch out of the printing press.
It's fireproof.
He's probably just hibernating.
I'm making a citizen's arrest.
So, you're a cannibal.
It's probably just a rash.
Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
The odds of that happening have to be a million-to-one!
Pull the pin and count to what?
Which wire was I supposed to cut?
I wonder where the mother bear is.
I've seen this done on TV.
These are the good kind of mushrooms.
I'll hold it and you light the fuse.
Funny, you look just like Charles Manson.
Rat poison only kills rats.
It can't possibly rain for forty days and nights.
This doesn't taste right.
I can make this light before it changes.
Nice doggie.
I can do that with my eyes closed.
Well, we've made it this far.
That's odd.
Don't be so superstitious!
i need new freinds before i get hurt"
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DROOL RUNS OUT OF BOTH SIDES OF ZOES MOUTH.
zoe is a drummer.
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A drummer is sick of playing the drums and decides to learn a new instrument.
So he goes to the music shop and is having a look around trying to decide.
"Can I help you?" says the shop assistant.
The drummer can't make up his mind between two of the instruments so he decides to take them both.
"I'll take the beige xylophone and the red saxophone"
The shop assistant replies "You can have the radiator but the fire extinguisher stays"
--------------
I have another joke. Hope noone takes offence
--------------
Q:What's pink and stiff and makes girls scream in the morning?
A:Cot Death
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Because she didn't have any arms.
A few months before my granddad died, we smeared his back with grease. He went downhill quickly after that.
Cashback.
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A. www.drownedinsound.com
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Because she had no arms. hohoho
a dyslexic man walks into a bra.
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He sold his soul to Santa.
tee hee...
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A zebra.
(c) Peter Kay 2004
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The driver got out and said 'shush'.
HaHaHa!
Peter Kay! He's the best!
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"Flat Tummy"
A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom see's her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dress's quickly and goes to find him. The son see's his mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time." says the boy.
"Why is that?" asked him mom, puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
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After giving it much thought they reached the conclusion that in order to better deal with the problem, that they should try the drugs themselves and then decide on the correct way to proceed. It was therefore decided that a commission made up of some of the members return to earth to get the different types of drugs.
The secret operation is effected and two days later the
commissioned disciples begin to return to heaven. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in the first disciple:
"Who is it?"
"It's Paul"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Paul?"
"Hashish from Morocco"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?"
It's Mark"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Mark?"
"Marijuana from Colombia"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?"
"It's Matthew"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Matthew ?"
"Cocaine from Bolivia"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?"
"It's John"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring John ?"
"Crack from New York"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?"
It's Luke"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Luke ?"
"Speed from Amsterdam"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?"
"It's Judas"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Judas ?"
"The FBI, YOU SCUMSUCKERS! EVERYONE ASSUME THE POSITION AGAINST THE WALL!"
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geddit pay per view..............yippee!!!!!!!
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go for the juggler........
a peter kay 1.....hes the best...
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he was looking for poo(h)
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Steven Hawking after a house fire!
What's worse than Michael Jackson sleep with ur kids?
Letting Ian Huntley give them a bath!
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That night, the two mates are sitting in their flat when a bunch of guys in balaclavas break down the door, tie the two guys up and throw them into the back of a waiting van. The van drives all the way up into the mountains, right up to an old shack. It stops and one of the guys is shoved into the shack, while the other is kept outside.
Inside, the guy's blindfold is taken off and he sees a man sitting behind a desk with a gun.
"So you wanna join the IRA?", he asks.
"Yeah! Sure I do!" replies our hero.
"To be a member of this organisation takes the greatest commitment. You have to do whatever we say, whenever we say it. You got that?"
"Yeah, yeah! Sure!"
"Ok. Take this gun, go outside and shoot your friend in the back of the head."
The guy is shocked. "I can't do that! He's my best mate!"
"If you wanna join up, you shoot him. Now go and do it."
Reluctantly, the poor guy takes the gun and exits. A few minutes later, he re-enters in a fury and slams the gun down on the table shouting, "There's no fucking bullets in that gun!"
"I know", says the IRA guy, "It was a test to see how far you were willing to go for the IRA. You've passed. Now bring your friend in here, I want to talk to him."
Our hero replies, "But I strangled the bastard!"
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Because she didn't have any arms. ....
that is genius man!!
sorry about this joke by the way....
How do you make a baby paint a wall?
Throw it really Hard!!
What do you call an italian with a rubber toe??
Roberto
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ok, number one:-
q - what's blue and fucks grannies?
a - hypothermia
AND
q - what's four feet long and fucks up gerbils and rabbits?
a - a sledgehammer
arf arf
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A. Ten, one to change the bulb, nine to denounce the dangerous intellectual.
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Simon: NO MIS
Q:what do you throw a ethiopian that is drowning?
A:A polo
that one is old^.
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just said it in case no one had heard it.
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I'll never forget that game of cards...
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Nothing. They both make money off people in the (Simply) Red.
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hmm
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The neighbour said, "Who do you think you're kidding with this talking dog stuff? There isn't such an animal."
Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times."
"Hey!" said the neighbour. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?"
"Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all his lies."
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the 8 year old boy fancies 8 year old girls.
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