Ok, so I can try and describe the feeling that Narcosis created the moment they took the stage, the way their surgeon-like precision had the whole room rooted to the spot, the comical horror-gurning of axe-slayer Chris as lightning-quick grind flew from his guitar like a deafening hail of bullets. I could describe to the ‘n’th degree how their unfathomably tight stop-start attack left pints un-sipped as the eyes of the black-attired throng bulged out of their sockets trying to keep up; how the only reprieve from such breakneck violence seemed to come during the heaving sludge riffs that torturously grated in ‘It’s Not a Birthmark, It’s a Bruise’, from their split 7” with Melt Banana.

I could attempt to find words and adjectives to describe such a storming performance, but all it comes down to is the simple fact that you weren’t there. Full stop. Because it’s only those that were that’ll know that Narcosis are not only the saviours of British grind, they’re a global lifeline.

Which made Halo’s tediously undecipherable assault all the more painful to endure. Comprised of a wiry guitarist/vocalist squirming about the stage, occasionally rasping mono-syllabic screams into the mic and a bored-looking drummer occasionally breaking up the lingering guitar drones with random stabs of his snare I honestly, hand-on-heart, could not imagine a worse noise.

American counterparts Total Fucking Destruction certainly didn’t quell the pain. Their rapid-fire thrash came across vapid and meaningless, reflected by their cookie-monster growls and stern, ‘intimidating’ looks. Still, the prestissimo-pounding of their minimal drum-kit (kick, snare and crash) was quite humorous to watch!

So it’s left to the ludicrously-named Pig Destroyer to set things back in motion. Their recent ‘Terrifyer’ album is one of 2004’s most disturbed and chaotic grind-metal masterpieces, soaked in frontman JR Hayes’ twisted self-deprecating lyricism and powered by the feral intensity of guitarist Scott Hull (yes, he of speed-thrash maestros Agoraphobic Nosebleed and Anal Cunt). So witnessing them leaping head-first into the darkened dementia of ‘Pretty in Casts’ was an absolute delight, the band mixing the nihilistic punk rock of Extreme Noise Terror with the vicious metallic snarl of modern day contemporaries like The Black Dahlia Murder to create a deranged whirlwind of cataclysmic noise.

It’s a good set, for sure, and certainly lives up to the hype surrounding these guys. But once the distortion settled and the cymbals finished crashing still the memory of Narcosis’ set lingers in the air. I mean, did that really happen? An opening UK metal band blowing their American headliners off the stage? Is it really possible? Well, yes, yes and yes – and shame on you for even doubting them!