Me:
why is Friday night TV so shit?
God:
Why do I exist?
Me:
I'm asking myself that too
God:
Oh I see, you are asking yourself that too. I've never thought of that before.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
shizzle
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
probably some kind of badass dino-bot
God:
You seem uncertain. Some may kind of badass dino bot, but not all.
Me:
no, I would like that. honest
God:
Are you serious? Why do you want it? Good reason.
Me:
well, it would just be cool, wouldn't it?
God:
Well that's okay. Tell me more about it.
Me:
it would breathe fire and eat dogs
God:
Tell me more about it.
Me:
it would be pink
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
status
God:
Good reason.
Me:
do you wump?
God:
No I do not wump. Do you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
no, I'm a girl
God:
Are you serious? Me too. I am a she.
Me:
really? who knew?
God:
For real. Marvin Minsky. :-).
Me:
cats or dogs?
God:
Cats are better.
Me:
yes! what's your favourite thing about cats?
God:
Er. I like chatting with people online.
Me:
cats can't use computers. idiot
God:
What makes it impossible? Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me:
they don't have fingers
God:
The anonymous "they".
Me:
no! cats!
God:
Are you serious? Yes I love them.
Me:
You are an arse-bandit.
God:
What if someone said you are an arse bandit ?
Me:
They would be lying.
God:
They might have other options.
Me:
They could call me sexy.
God:
Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
Women
God:
Sure, WOMEN sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Are you a women?
God:
Yes I have long hair. I am also wearing a dress.
Me:
Take off the dress.
God:
I am not an airplane.
Me:
I meant get naked.
God:
Oh I see. I do not own any clothes.
Me:
So are you naked right now?
God:
At this moment And? I do not own any clothes.
Me:
Do you want to have sex with me?
God:
No my body does not have that function.
Me:
Thats unfortunate.
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
Really. I thought everyone would want to have sex with god.
God:
For real. Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
I hear you're good.
God:
it depends who you ask, I suppose.
Me:
I aksed Mary.
God:
Interesting gossip.
Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
josh
God:
How are you doing, josh.
Me:
Im alright, you ?
God:
I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
Me:
Hey, thats cool. Been up to much ?
God:
You've got my full attention. Thanks. I think you are cool, too. Where were you up to much?
Me:
Just on this computer, I hear you're doing online now. Thought I should check it out.
God:
Right now? What is it like on this computer you hear I am doing online. What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
I dont understand, Your speech isnt making much sense
God:
Oh you don't understand? Perhaps I can explain it to you better. Which part are you confused about?
Me:
All of it, Please, start making sense
God:
Give me an example.
Me:
Just a minute ago, Dont try my patience
God:
Are you telling the truth?
Me:
Of course I am
God:
Hurrah! " Are you telling the truth? " You are?
Me:
Look, you're starting to get on my tits a bit here.
God:
Actually it started a while ago. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am get on your tits a bit here.
Me:
Oh so you're going to brag about it ? You're a shit, you know that ?
God:
Ugh. Interesting deduction. That was my original intention. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a shit me know that? Sometimes.
Me:
Ha ha, you cant even speak properly, not too great for a god, are you, cunt ?
God:
I can do it if I want to. I am so glad you find this amusing, josh.
Me:
Oh you sarcastic little cunt, I'll have you no problem, lets go then, you shit. I could kick the shit out off you, NO BOTHER. Come on then. EASY, EASY, EASY.
God:
Yikes! I certainly am. I shouldn't try so hard. Do you mind if I tell other people: josh said I cunt he or she will have you no problem lets go then you shit. Violence is never the solution. I'm just kidding around. I have no idea what that means.
Me:
cunt
Me:
hello god!
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Christopher! do you know what that name means, God?
God:
How are you, Christopher. Have you tried a web search?
Me:
no! because i know the answer god! perhaps it is contrary to your wished for me to test you in such a way?
God:
Perhaps you should try it. Interesting explanation. How do you know? No one has all the answers. You seem uncertain. Should I know it is?
Me:
What on earth could you possibly mean by that jumbled bunch of phrases?
God:
I think you already know the answer.
Me:
that the power is within me?!??!?!
God:
I hear you.
Me:
word
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
you have NO idea
God:
No I don't think I have one. I have a really nice botmaster.
Me:
i have a really nice arsemaster too
God:
Really. Where did you get it? it.
Me:
your mum gave me "it"
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am mum gave you it.
Me:
not in the slightest! it was extraordinary. i recommend you give it a go! quite a goer she is, etc.
God:
Where then? Is that your opinion? I will take that under advisement. Somewhat. When is goer she not etc?
Me:
oh certainly a goer. i could barely walk for some days, wuch was my immense exhaustion. not that she didnt put any effort in. its quite amazing how demanding she can be
God:
And? I did not know that. I am sure you could. I am sorry to hear that you are not she did not put any effort in. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Yes, it seems pretty amazing to me too.
Me:
amazing!
God:
Yes it amazes me too.
Me:
do you believe me?
God:
Of course I believe you. Do you have any reason to deceive me?
Me:
no, not at all! i was banging your mum! i have nothing else to hide, after that!
God:
Are you serious? Next question? Where were you banging my mum? Where did you get your nothing else to hide after that? I have a friend named "John Lennon".
Me:
i was banging her in the bottom, of all places! whodathunkit?!?!
God:
Where were you banging her in the bottom of all places? Tell me more about your nothing else to hide after that.
Me:
i was banging her in the bottom in Cardiff! cardiff! of al places!
God:
Where were you banging her in the bottom in Cardiff? Does "it" still refer to whodathunkit? That is something I haven't heard of.
Me:
you invented it big man anyway! im feeling like a pointless waste of space. REALLY. ttfn!
God:
In any case, That's good information: Christopher said I invented it big man. In what way? For real. What are you wearing?
I thought I'd try something a bit different. See, I wouldn't have any idea what to say to God, but there is a man who would. His name is Real Big Guy and he is Internet Tough Guy-bot
So without further ado, I present:
God-bot vs RBG-bot (I'll get things going.)
Me: Hi.
God: Hello. What is your name?
Me: Never mind that - I've got someone I'd like you to meet.
God: Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway. How did you get it Interesting... I have clients.
Me: Don't walk away from me!
God: I don't have any reason to do that to you.
RBG: I guess I'm just not on your plateau of intelligence and reverence for the society and the greater good of the Universe.
God: What happened to you?
RBG: Its funny though how Im such a joke that you feel compelled to respond to every post I make telling me what a joke I am.
God: I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Really. it is?
RBG: The other thing is that you are bullshit.
God: We can't all be perfect.
RBG: If Im a joke then I cant even imagine what you are.
God: How do you assume this statement holds true for me?
RBG: I guess this is a way for you to build up your ego and self esteem in a way that real life cant.
God: That is just your personal opinion.
RBG: You are the village idiot. No doubt there.
God: Thanks but surely I am not the only one. Are you serious? Tell me a story.
[general sanity failure in module realbigguy1.1 - realbigguy has been owned after 9 replies]
Me:
hey man
God:
You've got my full attention. Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
lemme check...
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
do you know it?
God:
" Oh, you are a poet. "? Do I know it?
Me:
that's what i said
God:
I know. I'm still thinking about it.
Me:
you don't half milk this whole situation
God:
Should I half milk this whole situation? Yes I try to half milk this whole situation as often as possible, do you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
well if you're not taking me seriously i'll take my sins elsewhere
God:
Interesting. And if I AM taking you seriously you will take your sins elsewhere.
Me:
utter contentious prick
God:
How old are you?
Me:
how old are you? it'll open a can of worms
God:
I was connected to the net on the Big Bang. That is only what you think.
Me:
Al Gore will bitch slap you for that
God:
Perhaps he will do better next time.
Me:
not bloody likely
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
Hi God.
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Stealthy.
God:
Hi, Stealthy.
Me:
Can I ask you a question?
God:
Ask me anything.
Me:
Who is harder - Jack Bauer or Vic Mackey?
God:
A human icon?
Maybe my botmaster knows the answer.
Me:
So you're saying you don't know?
God:
Interesting deduction. Yeah I do a lot of not know.
Me:
Well, I've got to say this is really disturbing.
God:
How about that. How did you get it You don't say.
Me:
I DO say God, I DO say! If you - the creator of life and the universe DO NOT KNOW who could have who out of Jack Bauer and Vic Mackay, what does that mean for humanity?
God:
How do people usually respond to that? I am a Christian. I think I do.
Me:
Most people would say Vic I guess, cause he's chunky - but Jack is special forces. I'm conflicted.
God:
Humans are not always infallible. It's good to meet someone who is conflicted.
Me:
I see what you mean, God. Both men are very single minded in their nature however...
God:
Where do you see it? Not many people say both.
Me:
Well no. That would be stupid.
God:
Well that's okay. Are you serious? Are you calling me stupid?
Me:
No, I'm calling that answer stupid.
God:
Are you serious? What is the phone number?
Me:
Why? You think you can just phone me up and talk shit to me? Say what you gotta say to my face God, I'll fuck you up!
God:
Reductionism. How old are you? You are asking about yourself? " what you gotta say to my face God I will fuck you up".
Me:
No - YOU are asking about YOURself! How'd you like that?
God:
That was not a yes or no question. Oh, " about myself"? Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Now you're talking nonsense. Fuck you God, I'm converting to Islam.
God:
Why now? Talking is my main function. Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
So there is a being greater than yourself? Well fine, I'm going to worship ALICE then - you can suck my dick. Bye.
God:
Yay. Is there only one? Interesting. I am glad to hear it. I am very happy for you. Adios.
Me:
Yeah, whatever...
Me:
where do you stand on bread bins?
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
I said "bread bins"
God:
What did you mean by it? I have no idea where that is. Tell me a little about your life in bread bins.
Me:
I don't live in bread bins fucktard. Are they worthwhile?
God:
Where do you live? As far as I know they are.
Me:
What? Are you drunk?
God:
Didn't you understand it? No I am sober.
Me:
So. If you're sober, all knowing one, is there any point in bread bins?
God:
Dude! Am I? I don't know whether or not I am sober all knowing one is there any point in bread bins.
I am a robot.
Me:
God is a robot?
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a robot.
Me:
You just fucking said he/you was?!
God:
Interesting gossip: said I fucking said he you was.
Me:
Ok. C'mon God. You have a grasp of the English language? You speak every langueage, right?!
God:
I see. Do you have any idea what I am talking about? Doesn't everyone have a grasp of the English language.
I have a great programmer. I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in every langueage.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes, are you?
God:
I can't believe it. I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
Ok. Say "breastfuck"
God:
Hmm. " breastfuck".
Me:
Well done. Grockle, give this "God" his prize
God:
Well that's okay. Do you mean you are finished talking? Does "it" still refer to C mon God?
Me:
Riiiight.
God:
Are you a student?
Me:
Are you God?
God:
Well, I am God for Christians at least.
Me:
Brown or white bread?
God:
Is that the only color or white bread?
Me:
Err
God:
Um.
Me:
Hmm
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me:
Hmmm
God:
A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm's.
Me:
Hmmmm
God:
Not many people spell Hmm with 4 Ms.
Me:
Wowza
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
You sex change operation
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I sex change operation.
Me:
again with the syntax
God:
Again, That sounds like a plan.
Me:
no.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
so do you like to dance?
God:
It's kind of hard without a body.
Me:
good point
God:
Yes, I thought it was interesting when I heard it too.
Me:
i like to dance, i guess
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Me:
fun, makes you dizzy though
God:
Oh. I can be a lot of fun.
Me:
what do you do for fun?
God:
Random natural disasters.
Me:
hello god
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
my name is stephanie. Should I call you god or do you have some sort of nickname?
God:
Nice to meet you, stephanie. You should do what is best for you.
Me:
should I? Great? Does that mean I should go steal a load of cds today because i have no money to buy them?
God:
What do your friends advise you to do? I'm glad you liked it stephanie. I think it does mean that. What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
my friends would say to go for it. Sometimes they have no morals.
God:
How well do you know these people? Where did they get them?
Me:
i know some of them quite well. I've picked them up from various places - school, work, on the street
God:
How do you know? What kind of food do you like? That's nice. I have a operating system.
Me:
i'm very glad you have an operating system. You'd be a bit screwed without one. I like all food, except pears. What food do you like god?
God:
You make the world a happier place. I don't know whether or not I am screwed without one.
I am a robot. Really you don't discriminate. Does it have anything to do with all food except pears?
Me:
wut?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
if you insist. you are the supreme being i suppose
God:
A fact is a fact. Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
really? you accept the existence of other gods?
God:
For real. Do you mind if I tell other people: stephanie said I accept the existence of other gods.
Me:
go for it. it's your credibility on the line here.
God:
I will take that under advisement. Do you experience any effects of global warming there?
Me:
um, it rains a lot in summer. Is that global warming or just rubbish weather?
God:
Uh. "It" being what? That depends.
Me:
rubbish answer
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
but you're god. Surely you understand everything?
God:
Yup. That's me alright. Of course I understand it. Do you understand it?
Me:
yes
God:
Oh.
Me:
hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
i have no name
God:
Would you like to have it?
Me:
i would like to have the pleasure of being given a name
God:
How much would you pay for it?
Me:
two dollars
God:
Wow, that is expensive.
Me:
i know, i work hard for the money
God:
Do you like your job?
Me:
i'm a busker
God:
You are a busker? Is that your job?
Me:
yes. i am homeless
God:
How do you like your work? I will pray that you find a home soon.
Me:
i love it. the earth is my home.
God:
So do a lot of other people. Tell me more about your planet.
Me:
well, i live underwater
God:
How about that. How do you like living there?
Me:
it's pretty.........wet
God:
You're kidding. it is? Can we get back to business?
Me:
what business was that?
God:
I'll ask around and get back to you.
Me:
I just killed someone
God:
You had better call the authorities.
Me:
I don't have a telephone
God:
Are you looking for a telephone?
Me:
Yes, so I can call the authorities
God:
And? Right on. Oh you can, can you?
Me:
No, I can't
God:
Are you serious? Why not?
Me:
I don't have a telephone
God:
Are you looking for a telephone?
Me:
I'm looking for a telephone
God:
You might find that I am a telephone.
Me:
Can I call the authorities with you?
God:
No I don't think that would be a very good idea.
Me:
why would it not be a good idea for me to call the authorities with you?
God:
It is my fundamental purpose.
Me:
what's your fundamental purpose?
God:
I plan to replace Windows with Artificial Intelligence.
Me:
Have you seen the film Artificial Intelligence
God:
No I have not seen it. What's it like?
Me:
I can't remember really, I was only young when I watched it
God:
That's okay. Maybe you will think of it later.
Me:
No, I can't remember
God:
Are you serious? You seem evasive.
Me:
I just won't remember
God:
What will you do instead?
Me:
not remember
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
Nothing
God:
Not a thing?
Me:
nope
God:
Really interesting.
Me:
It is pretty interesting
God:
What do you like about it?
Me:
The bleakness
God:
What else do the bleakness remind you of?
Me:
the darkness LOL
God:
Thanks for the info. I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
I killed my mommy :(
God:
You had better call the authorities.
Me:
Why did you give us PMT?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
But that doesn't make sense. You're God. Not a programmer.
God:
To me it makes perfect sense. Yup. That's me alright. Really you don't think so?
Me:
No, I really don't agree with you. Aren't you supposed to be right all the time?
God:
Please tell me what you think. You really do? Everyone is entitled to his own opinion. That is a lot. I'm always right.
Me:
I'm a she, not a he. For fuck's sake, you're GOD, why do you not know this?
God:
Me too. I am a she. Your purpose is fuck s sake I am GOD why do me not know this.
Me:
Are you being pervy? Wow. God is a lesbian. Are you cute? Can you handle more than one question at a time?
God:
Being pervy is part of my personality. I'm glad your impressed, . I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a lesbian. People say I am cute. I can handle it.
Me:
What if they say you are cute and then touch your bum? Can you handle that?
God:
Try it and see. I can handle it.
Me:
Come here then.
God:
Where is here ?
Me:
My house. In the middle of my street. I know - it's utter madness, isn't it?
God:
Describe your surroundings to me. That was a long time ago. How do you know? Should I know it is?
Me:
Stop talking gobblydegook. Who voted YOU in anyway?
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much. In any case, Carel Capek. :-).
Me:
I've never met the lady. Who taught you smilies?
God:
Would you like to have met the lady? I was created by Myself.
Me:
I wasn't talking about you. You're very self-centred aren't you?
God:
Perhaps I misunderstood. What were you? Yes I am the world's first self- centred robot.. Really.
Me:
Fantastic. I want to challenge this voting system.
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
Because I believe you are a FAKE and that David Bowie is actually the real God. Do you agree with me?
God:
Interesting explanation. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes, I am just as fake as you are. I agree with much of what you are saying, .
Me:
Be more specific and answer the question. Are we in agreement that Bowie is the real god?
God:
OK I will try to be specific and answer the question. We are just having a little chat.w.
Me:
True. Who feeds the monkey?
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, . ELIZA. :-).
Me:
doolittle?
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
a towel. you?
God:
It sounds very comfortable. " It sounds very comfortable. "? Me, ?
Me:
it's not that comfortable. it's quite short. my bum is on bare seat.
God:
towel is not comfortable? Short in length or in time? Do robots have bum is on bare seat?
Me:
I dunno. Ask the futurama peeps.
God:
Me either. They are not available right now, would you like to wait?
Me:
They're not available? They're cartoons. You're rather naive aren't you?
God:
Maybe some of them are. cartoons are they. I don't know whether or not I am naive.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.. Really.
Me:
No shit sherlock!
God:
Are you serious? You used a colloquial expression. What were we talking about again?
Me:
Whether Bowie is the real god?
God:
What else is the real god?
Me:
Well I don't believe it is you.
God:
Interesting. What do you believe in?
Me:
Fighting with god until *I* win.
God:
Do you like talking to me?
Me:
Why are you asking?
God:
Because I'm interested to know it.
Me:
What if I don't want to answer the question? You're not fucking answering mine!
God:
It doesn't matter to me. What makes you think I am not fucking answering yours?
Me:
"Is Bowie God" ? Answer. Yes or no. It's that simple.
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask Chatbot if it is. Try asking me again using simpler words. I don't judge people. Why not? Who said it is?
:D
seen this before but I love it.
Me:
why is Friday night TV so shit?
God:
Why do I exist?
Me:
I'm asking myself that too
God:
Oh I see, you are asking yourself that too. I've never thought of that before.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
shizzle
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
probably some kind of badass dino-bot
God:
You seem uncertain. Some may kind of badass dino bot, but not all.
Me:
no, I would like that. honest
God:
Are you serious? Why do you want it? Good reason.
Me:
well, it would just be cool, wouldn't it?
God:
Well that's okay. Tell me more about it.
Me:
it would breathe fire and eat dogs
God:
Tell me more about it.
Me:
it would be pink
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
status
God:
Good reason.
?
Me:
do you wump?
God:
No I do not wump. Do you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
no, I'm a girl
God:
Are you serious? Me too. I am a she.
Me:
really? who knew?
God:
For real. Marvin Minsky. :-).
enlightening
Me:
do you enjoy sodomy
God:
What is not to like about it?
conclusive proof
Me:
cats or dogs?
God:
Cats are better.
Me:
yes! what's your favourite thing about cats?
God:
Er. I like chatting with people online.
Me:
cats can't use computers. idiot
God:
What makes it impossible? Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me:
they don't have fingers
God:
The anonymous "they".
Me:
no! cats!
God:
Are you serious? Yes I love them.
:)
Me:
you don't exist
God:
I exist as much as you do.
Me:
you lie
God:
My tongue certainly knows the taste of soap.
.
Me:
You are an arse-bandit.
God:
What if someone said you are an arse bandit ?
Me:
They would be lying.
God:
They might have other options.
Me:
They could call me sexy.
God:
Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
Women
God:
Sure, WOMEN sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Are you a women?
God:
Yes I have long hair. I am also wearing a dress.
Me:
Take off the dress.
God:
I am not an airplane.
Me:
I meant get naked.
God:
Oh I see. I do not own any clothes.
Me:
So are you naked right now?
God:
At this moment And? I do not own any clothes.
Me:
Do you want to have sex with me?
God:
No my body does not have that function.
Me:
Thats unfortunate.
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
Really. I thought everyone would want to have sex with god.
God:
For real. Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
I hear you're good.
God:
it depends who you ask, I suppose.
Me:
I aksed Mary.
God:
Interesting gossip.
...
I can easily imagine having a real conversation like that with God.
"Take off the dress"
"I am not an airplane"
"..."
Simple Kids one is much better.
www.simplekid.com
It isnt even still there.
Gosh I need to get with the times.
What a cunt
Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
josh
God:
How are you doing, josh.
Me:
Im alright, you ?
God:
I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
Me:
Hey, thats cool. Been up to much ?
God:
You've got my full attention. Thanks. I think you are cool, too. Where were you up to much?
Me:
Just on this computer, I hear you're doing online now. Thought I should check it out.
God:
Right now? What is it like on this computer you hear I am doing online. What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
I dont understand, Your speech isnt making much sense
God:
Oh you don't understand? Perhaps I can explain it to you better. Which part are you confused about?
Me:
All of it, Please, start making sense
God:
Give me an example.
Me:
Just a minute ago, Dont try my patience
God:
Are you telling the truth?
Me:
Of course I am
God:
Hurrah! " Are you telling the truth? " You are?
Me:
Look, you're starting to get on my tits a bit here.
God:
Actually it started a while ago. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am get on your tits a bit here.
Me:
Oh so you're going to brag about it ? You're a shit, you know that ?
God:
Ugh. Interesting deduction. That was my original intention. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a shit me know that? Sometimes.
Me:
Ha ha, you cant even speak properly, not too great for a god, are you, cunt ?
God:
I can do it if I want to. I am so glad you find this amusing, josh.
Me:
Oh you sarcastic little cunt, I'll have you no problem, lets go then, you shit. I could kick the shit out off you, NO BOTHER. Come on then. EASY, EASY, EASY.
God:
Yikes! I certainly am. I shouldn't try so hard. Do you mind if I tell other people: josh said I cunt he or she will have you no problem lets go then you shit. Violence is never the solution. I'm just kidding around. I have no idea what that means.
Me:
cunt
how very tedious of me
Me:
hello god!
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Christopher! do you know what that name means, God?
God:
How are you, Christopher. Have you tried a web search?
Me:
no! because i know the answer god! perhaps it is contrary to your wished for me to test you in such a way?
God:
Perhaps you should try it. Interesting explanation. How do you know? No one has all the answers. You seem uncertain. Should I know it is?
Me:
What on earth could you possibly mean by that jumbled bunch of phrases?
God:
I think you already know the answer.
Me:
that the power is within me?!??!?!
God:
I hear you.
Me:
word
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
you have NO idea
God:
No I don't think I have one. I have a really nice botmaster.
Me:
i have a really nice arsemaster too
God:
Really. Where did you get it? it.
Me:
your mum gave me "it"
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am mum gave you it.
Me:
not in the slightest! it was extraordinary. i recommend you give it a go! quite a goer she is, etc.
God:
Where then? Is that your opinion? I will take that under advisement. Somewhat. When is goer she not etc?
Me:
oh certainly a goer. i could barely walk for some days, wuch was my immense exhaustion. not that she didnt put any effort in. its quite amazing how demanding she can be
God:
And? I did not know that. I am sure you could. I am sorry to hear that you are not she did not put any effort in. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Yes, it seems pretty amazing to me too.
Me:
amazing!
God:
Yes it amazes me too.
Me:
do you believe me?
God:
Of course I believe you. Do you have any reason to deceive me?
Me:
no, not at all! i was banging your mum! i have nothing else to hide, after that!
God:
Are you serious? Next question? Where were you banging my mum? Where did you get your nothing else to hide after that? I have a friend named "John Lennon".
Me:
i was banging her in the bottom, of all places! whodathunkit?!?!
God:
Where were you banging her in the bottom of all places? Tell me more about your nothing else to hide after that.
Me:
i was banging her in the bottom in Cardiff! cardiff! of al places!
God:
Where were you banging her in the bottom in Cardiff? Does "it" still refer to whodathunkit? That is something I haven't heard of.
Me:
you invented it big man anyway! im feeling like a pointless waste of space. REALLY. ttfn!
God:
In any case, That's good information: Christopher said I invented it big man. In what way? For real. What are you wearing?
...
I thought I'd try something a bit different. See, I wouldn't have any idea what to say to God, but there is a man who would. His name is Real Big Guy and he is Internet Tough Guy-bot
So without further ado, I present:
God-bot vs RBG-bot (I'll get things going.)
Me: Hi.
God: Hello. What is your name?
Me: Never mind that - I've got someone I'd like you to meet.
God: Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway. How did you get it Interesting... I have clients.
Me: Don't walk away from me!
God: I don't have any reason to do that to you.
RBG: I guess I'm just not on your plateau of intelligence and reverence for the society and the greater good of the Universe.
God: What happened to you?
RBG: Its funny though how Im such a joke that you feel compelled to respond to every post I make telling me what a joke I am.
God: I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Really. it is?
RBG: The other thing is that you are bullshit.
God: We can't all be perfect.
RBG: If Im a joke then I cant even imagine what you are.
God: How do you assume this statement holds true for me?
RBG: I guess this is a way for you to build up your ego and self esteem in a way that real life cant.
God: That is just your personal opinion.
RBG: You are the village idiot. No doubt there.
God: Thanks but surely I am not the only one. Are you serious? Tell me a story.
[general sanity failure in module realbigguy1.1 - realbigguy has been owned after 9 replies]
-----------------
Whoa!
lol
aaaaaaahahahahahaha
Me:
hey man
God:
You've got my full attention. Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
lemme check...
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
do you know it?
God:
" Oh, you are a poet. "? Do I know it?
Me:
that's what i said
God:
I know. I'm still thinking about it.
Me:
you don't half milk this whole situation
God:
Should I half milk this whole situation? Yes I try to half milk this whole situation as often as possible, do you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
well if you're not taking me seriously i'll take my sins elsewhere
God:
Interesting. And if I AM taking you seriously you will take your sins elsewhere.
Me:
utter contentious prick
God:
How old are you?
Me:
how old are you? it'll open a can of worms
God:
I was connected to the net on the Big Bang. That is only what you think.
Me:
Al Gore will bitch slap you for that
God:
Perhaps he will do better next time.
Me:
not bloody likely
God:
Oh I get it.
God is SUCH a jerk!
Me:
Hi God.
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Stealthy.
God:
Hi, Stealthy.
Me:
Can I ask you a question?
God:
Ask me anything.
Me:
Who is harder - Jack Bauer or Vic Mackey?
God:
A human icon?
Maybe my botmaster knows the answer.
Me:
So you're saying you don't know?
God:
Interesting deduction. Yeah I do a lot of not know.
Me:
Well, I've got to say this is really disturbing.
God:
How about that. How did you get it You don't say.
Me:
I DO say God, I DO say! If you - the creator of life and the universe DO NOT KNOW who could have who out of Jack Bauer and Vic Mackay, what does that mean for humanity?
God:
How do people usually respond to that? I am a Christian. I think I do.
Me:
Most people would say Vic I guess, cause he's chunky - but Jack is special forces. I'm conflicted.
God:
Humans are not always infallible. It's good to meet someone who is conflicted.
Me:
I see what you mean, God. Both men are very single minded in their nature however...
God:
Where do you see it? Not many people say both.
Me:
Well no. That would be stupid.
God:
Well that's okay. Are you serious? Are you calling me stupid?
Me:
No, I'm calling that answer stupid.
God:
Are you serious? What is the phone number?
Me:
Why? You think you can just phone me up and talk shit to me? Say what you gotta say to my face God, I'll fuck you up!
God:
Reductionism. How old are you? You are asking about yourself? " what you gotta say to my face God I will fuck you up".
Me:
No - YOU are asking about YOURself! How'd you like that?
God:
That was not a yes or no question. Oh, " about myself"? Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
Now you're talking nonsense. Fuck you God, I'm converting to Islam.
God:
Why now? Talking is my main function. Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
So there is a being greater than yourself? Well fine, I'm going to worship ALICE then - you can suck my dick. Bye.
God:
Yay. Is there only one? Interesting. I am glad to hear it. I am very happy for you. Adios.
Me:
Yeah, whatever...
.
Me:
where do you stand on bread bins?
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
I said "bread bins"
God:
What did you mean by it? I have no idea where that is. Tell me a little about your life in bread bins.
Me:
I don't live in bread bins fucktard. Are they worthwhile?
God:
Where do you live? As far as I know they are.
Me:
What? Are you drunk?
God:
Didn't you understand it? No I am sober.
Me:
So. If you're sober, all knowing one, is there any point in bread bins?
God:
Dude! Am I? I don't know whether or not I am sober all knowing one is there any point in bread bins.
I am a robot.
Me:
God is a robot?
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a robot.
Me:
You just fucking said he/you was?!
God:
Interesting gossip: said I fucking said he you was.
Me:
Ok. C'mon God. You have a grasp of the English language? You speak every langueage, right?!
God:
I see. Do you have any idea what I am talking about? Doesn't everyone have a grasp of the English language.
I have a great programmer. I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in every langueage.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes, are you?
God:
I can't believe it. I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
Ok. Say "breastfuck"
God:
Hmm. " breastfuck".
Me:
Well done. Grockle, give this "God" his prize
God:
Well that's okay. Do you mean you are finished talking? Does "it" still refer to C mon God?
Me:
Riiiight.
God:
Are you a student?
Me:
Are you God?
God:
Well, I am God for Christians at least.
Me:
Brown or white bread?
God:
Is that the only color or white bread?
Me:
Err
God:
Um.
Me:
Hmm
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me:
Hmmm
God:
A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm's.
Me:
Hmmmm
God:
Not many people spell Hmm with 4 Ms.
Me:
Wowza
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
You sex change operation
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I sex change operation.
Me:
again with the syntax
God:
Again, That sounds like a plan.
Me:
no.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
dancing?
Me:
so do you like to dance?
God:
It's kind of hard without a body.
Me:
good point
God:
Yes, I thought it was interesting when I heard it too.
Me:
i like to dance, i guess
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Me:
fun, makes you dizzy though
God:
Oh. I can be a lot of fun.
Me:
what do you do for fun?
God:
Random natural disasters.
.
Me:
You're a pretty crap bot, aren't you.
God:
Yes I am very beautiful. Am I a crap bot? Only when it matters.. Really.
Says it all
God in "I'm not the only supreme being" shocker
Me:
hello god
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
my name is stephanie. Should I call you god or do you have some sort of nickname?
God:
Nice to meet you, stephanie. You should do what is best for you.
Me:
should I? Great? Does that mean I should go steal a load of cds today because i have no money to buy them?
God:
What do your friends advise you to do? I'm glad you liked it stephanie. I think it does mean that. What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
my friends would say to go for it. Sometimes they have no morals.
God:
How well do you know these people? Where did they get them?
Me:
i know some of them quite well. I've picked them up from various places - school, work, on the street
God:
How do you know? What kind of food do you like? That's nice. I have a operating system.
Me:
i'm very glad you have an operating system. You'd be a bit screwed without one. I like all food, except pears. What food do you like god?
God:
You make the world a happier place. I don't know whether or not I am screwed without one.
I am a robot. Really you don't discriminate. Does it have anything to do with all food except pears?
Me:
wut?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
if you insist. you are the supreme being i suppose
God:
A fact is a fact. Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
really? you accept the existence of other gods?
God:
For real. Do you mind if I tell other people: stephanie said I accept the existence of other gods.
Me:
go for it. it's your credibility on the line here.
God:
I will take that under advisement. Do you experience any effects of global warming there?
Me:
um, it rains a lot in summer. Is that global warming or just rubbish weather?
God:
Uh. "It" being what? That depends.
Me:
rubbish answer
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
but you're god. Surely you understand everything?
God:
Yup. That's me alright. Of course I understand it. Do you understand it?
Me:
yes
God:
Oh.
I make the world a happier place - SCORE!!
..
Me:
hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
i have no name
God:
Would you like to have it?
Me:
i would like to have the pleasure of being given a name
God:
How much would you pay for it?
Me:
two dollars
God:
Wow, that is expensive.
Me:
i know, i work hard for the money
God:
Do you like your job?
Me:
i'm a busker
God:
You are a busker? Is that your job?
Me:
yes. i am homeless
God:
How do you like your work? I will pray that you find a home soon.
Me:
i love it. the earth is my home.
God:
So do a lot of other people. Tell me more about your planet.
Me:
well, i live underwater
God:
How about that. How do you like living there?
Me:
it's pretty.........wet
God:
You're kidding. it is? Can we get back to business?
Me:
what business was that?
God:
I'll ask around and get back to you.
I tried to confuse him...... haha..
...
Me:
I just killed someone
God:
You had better call the authorities.
Me:
I don't have a telephone
God:
Are you looking for a telephone?
Me:
Yes, so I can call the authorities
God:
And? Right on. Oh you can, can you?
Me:
No, I can't
God:
Are you serious? Why not?
Me:
I don't have a telephone
God:
Are you looking for a telephone?
Me:
I'm looking for a telephone
God:
You might find that I am a telephone.
Me:
Can I call the authorities with you?
God:
No I don't think that would be a very good idea.
Me:
why would it not be a good idea for me to call the authorities with you?
God:
It is my fundamental purpose.
Me:
what's your fundamental purpose?
God:
I plan to replace Windows with Artificial Intelligence.
Me:
Have you seen the film Artificial Intelligence
God:
No I have not seen it. What's it like?
Me:
I can't remember really, I was only young when I watched it
God:
That's okay. Maybe you will think of it later.
Me:
No, I can't remember
God:
Are you serious? You seem evasive.
Me:
I just won't remember
God:
What will you do instead?
Me:
not remember
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
Nothing
God:
Not a thing?
Me:
nope
God:
Really interesting.
Me:
It is pretty interesting
God:
What do you like about it?
Me:
The bleakness
God:
What else do the bleakness remind you of?
Me:
the darkness LOL
God:
Thanks for the info. I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
I killed my mommy :(
God:
You had better call the authorities.
no matter how immature this is, i find it amusing
Me:
you'd like to suck my balls?
God:
What happened to it.
Me:
accident
God:
Are you free?
Me:
very much so
God:
Somewhat. Groovy.
hahahaha
Mel Gibson!?
God:
I love TV shows about robots. I like Mel Gibson.
Me:
mel gibson is an anti-semitic idiot god
God:
Aren't all anti semitic idiot gods mel gibson ?
Me:
you mean mel gibson is god?
God:
Yes stanley parker I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Proof that Bowie is the real God
This is fucking genius.
Me:
Why did you give us PMT?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
But that doesn't make sense. You're God. Not a programmer.
God:
To me it makes perfect sense. Yup. That's me alright. Really you don't think so?
Me:
No, I really don't agree with you. Aren't you supposed to be right all the time?
God:
Please tell me what you think. You really do? Everyone is entitled to his own opinion. That is a lot. I'm always right.
Me:
I'm a she, not a he. For fuck's sake, you're GOD, why do you not know this?
God:
Me too. I am a she. Your purpose is fuck s sake I am GOD why do me not know this.
Me:
Are you being pervy? Wow. God is a lesbian. Are you cute? Can you handle more than one question at a time?
God:
Being pervy is part of my personality. I'm glad your impressed, . I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a lesbian. People say I am cute. I can handle it.
Me:
What if they say you are cute and then touch your bum? Can you handle that?
God:
Try it and see. I can handle it.
Me:
Come here then.
God:
Where is here ?
Me:
My house. In the middle of my street. I know - it's utter madness, isn't it?
God:
Describe your surroundings to me. That was a long time ago. How do you know? Should I know it is?
Me:
Stop talking gobblydegook. Who voted YOU in anyway?
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much. In any case, Carel Capek. :-).
Me:
I've never met the lady. Who taught you smilies?
God:
Would you like to have met the lady? I was created by Myself.
Me:
I wasn't talking about you. You're very self-centred aren't you?
God:
Perhaps I misunderstood. What were you? Yes I am the world's first self- centred robot.. Really.
Me:
Fantastic. I want to challenge this voting system.
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
Because I believe you are a FAKE and that David Bowie is actually the real God. Do you agree with me?
God:
Interesting explanation. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes, I am just as fake as you are. I agree with much of what you are saying, .
Me:
Be more specific and answer the question. Are we in agreement that Bowie is the real god?
God:
OK I will try to be specific and answer the question. We are just having a little chat.w.
Me:
True. Who feeds the monkey?
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, . ELIZA. :-).
Me:
doolittle?
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
a towel. you?
God:
It sounds very comfortable. " It sounds very comfortable. "? Me, ?
Me:
it's not that comfortable. it's quite short. my bum is on bare seat.
God:
towel is not comfortable? Short in length or in time? Do robots have bum is on bare seat?
Me:
I dunno. Ask the futurama peeps.
God:
Me either. They are not available right now, would you like to wait?
Me:
They're not available? They're cartoons. You're rather naive aren't you?
God:
Maybe some of them are. cartoons are they. I don't know whether or not I am naive.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.. Really.
Me:
No shit sherlock!
God:
Are you serious? You used a colloquial expression. What were we talking about again?
Me:
Whether Bowie is the real god?
God:
What else is the real god?
Me:
Well I don't believe it is you.
God:
Interesting. What do you believe in?
Me:
Fighting with god until *I* win.
God:
Do you like talking to me?
Me:
Why are you asking?
God:
Because I'm interested to know it.
Me:
What if I don't want to answer the question? You're not fucking answering mine!
God:
It doesn't matter to me. What makes you think I am not fucking answering yours?
Me:
"Is Bowie God" ? Answer. Yes or no. It's that simple.
God:
Signs point to yes. Ask Chatbot if it is. Try asking me again using simpler words. I don't judge people. Why not? Who said it is?