Razorlight's 'America' is at number one. Yes, the four-piece's latest slice of plod-plodding indie-pop pap has crawled its way to the singles chart top spot. That, it beggars belief. Beggars belief? What an odd expression...

That alarming news means that Scissor Sisters' really-not-great-either 'I Don't Feel Like Dancin'' slips to two on the forty (or seventy-five, if you want to rock your way down that low, where you'll find Chanel's 'My Life', whatever that is). David Hasselhoff's 'Jump In My Car' debuts at three. Girls, don't do it - have you seen the video? He's baaad.

My Chemical Romance's 'Welcome To The Black Parade' enters at twenty-three, but its physical version was only released yesterday. Expect it to be top ten, at least, come Sunday. Trivium's 'Anthem (We Are The Fire)' breaches the forty, at forty. Bravo, Florida-spawned metallers. Hot Chip's re-released 'Over And Over' enters at fifty-one.

Oh fuckinghell that 'America' just came on 6Music... which pretty much contradicts that headline. Bastard.

Albums: The Killers quite predictably enter at one, with Evanescence right behind them. That'll be with Sam's Town and The Open Door respectively, then.

This shitty awful song is still on...

Jet's 'Shine On' debuts at thirteen, and... shit, that's actually the only other new entry of any note. Unless Daniel O'Donnell's your cup of lukewarm tea. No? Figured.

Thank GOD, it's finished... New releases, they can be viewed HERE.

Now leave us to our party...