In the perpetually underwhelming top twenty, let's go for Tony Christie at no.1 again.

Add to that Elvis in at three, we should point out that the meat in the retro pop sandwich is the Snoop/Wilson/Timberlake concoction of 'Signs'.

In at nine is Tear's debut single 'Refugees', which is highly commendable from B&B. Perhaps not quite dropping the indie bomb that was promised, Bloc Party go in at a still-ace no.13 with 'Banquet' and there's this Rooster thing at no.14 which DiS has not heard, but looks a little stinky... Athlete take no.16 with 'Half Light', and we fight ourselves not to take the word 'Light' and replace it with 'Wit'...

Things are a little quiet after that, until you get to no.25 and the massive tits that are The Paddingtons with 'Panic Attack', and the shambolic nonsense of Lindsay Lohan's 'Over' at 27... hang on, have we got those two descriptions the wrong way round?

Rocking it old school is Robert Plant (he was in Led Zeppelin y'know) at no.32 with 'Shine It All Around' (surely the name of the new Oasis single?), and just, just outside the top 40 is Thee Unstrung with 'Psycho'. Which amazes us on soooooooo many levels...

Clor and Mortis are odd bedfellows at no's 48 and 49 respectively, while the next new entry in the charts is Le Tigre's 'After Dark' at 63. And there's some terrible funny cover version of 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' at no.70 from Honeyroot, which is such a crap battle-of-the-bands name that it shouldn't even be legal.

In the album charts Bruce Springsteen is the only new entry in the top 15, taking top slot with his heavily advertised 'Devils & Dust' LP. One outside that is The Eels' new one while Hal and Hot Hot Heat disappoint by going in at no.s 31 and 34 respectively... tut tut. Ben Folds' new LP creeps in at no.65, but that's probably down to all his fan base buying the record aeons ago on import... that's what we reckon...