Ah, we at DiS love Truck; it’s the festival you can almost carry around in your pocket. For those of you unsure what to do/say/think at the festival this weekend, here’s a handy guide to what we predict to be the highlights.

SATURDAY

11:50 Having arrived on site and pitched tent, decide to ‘get bearings’ of Truck to avoid inconvenient disorientation over the weekend.

11:52 Site reccy complete, treat self to delicious wine at only £1.50 a glass.

12:00 With the best band name of the weekend bar none, Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly. on the Truck Stage are deffo worth a look.

14:30 It’s Truck so the sun is almost guaranteed to shine! Take advantage and sit in the sunshine waiting for the skinny Norwegian/Medway yelpings of Cherubs.

15:00 Desire for skinny-boy indie rock still not sated? Wonder over to Battle in the Barn That Cannot Be Named.

15:01 Leave tent overwhelmed by stench of manure.

15:02 Acquire bandana. Tie around nose and mouth. Take deep breath and brave the Barn again.

16:10 If you don’t like girl bands you’re missing out on all the fun. Check out The Schla la las on the main stage for a dose of infectious art-punk that’ll keep you smiling all weekend. (DiS would never accuse our George of being biased...)

16:45 Catch DJ Badger in the Lounge. He really is a badger! DJing!

(This is untrue.)

18:00 What oh what to do? Watch the delightfully Joy Division-lite Editors in the Barn, or the ker-ay-zee half-Fonda Edible 5ft Smiths in the Trailer Park? Realise that you are at Truck and therefore the stages are a two-minute stroll apart. Treat self to a little bit of both. Go on! You’re worth it.

19:00 It would be rude not to watch the festival’s daddies, Goldrush, on the Truck Stage. Bless ‘em. Without Goldrush, Truck wouldn’t exist, y’know.

19:50 Is the wine kicking in, or is a vicar selling sweets by the side of the stage?

19:51 Come to think of it, could really fancy some sherbet...

19:52 Mmmmmm... fizzy goodness.

20:00 Winner of last year’s award for lowest pants, take in MC Lars on the Truck stage.

22:15 'Mon the Biffy! Etc...(Pictured)

23:30 Over-excited and over-tired, shuffle weary feet back to your tent. OR, if you overdid the sherbet, scamper delightedly to Fruit and Veg in the Trailer Park. Yes!

SUNDAY

11:15 Stumble from tent and over to the Trailer Trash Orchestra on Truck Stage, the perfect hangover cure.

11:45 Purchase beer from Turbonegro (really members of the Rotary Club enjoying their drag just a little bit too much).

14:30 Fortified by beer, get ready to ROCK to the Black Madonnas in the barn. Guaranteed to be one of the best sets of the weekend.

15:00 Ooooh, pasta salad, sold by your Grandma. Somebody’s Grandma, anyway.

16:10 Riot shields at the ready? Then venture to the Towers of London in the Barn for some classic cock-rock posturing.

17:05 A perfect antidote to the ToL, skip over to the sweet sweet sounds of Truck’s favourite daughter, Piney Gir, on the Truck Stage. There is bound to be some ‘special guest’ action, so well worth sticking around for the whole set.

18:00 Wander into Performance Tent.

18:30 Wander out of the Performance tent feeling a bit ‘funny’.

18:35 Remedy that funny feeling with more beer from the (becoming ever more attractive) Rotary Club.

19:10 Descend, with the whole rest of the festival, to the Truck Stage for the closing set from the Magic Numbers. Dance with your new best buddies while the sun goes down and feel just a little bit better about life, the universe and everything new-music orientated.