Tuesday nights used to be very dull in the capital, until White Heat popped up with an inspiring list of contemporary independent bands. White Heat continues to exhibit potential enough to replace the soon-to-close and much-celebrated club, Trash.

Tonight, the venue is full of dressed-up teens and twenty-somethings, all gathered round the main hub of the DJ box and cabaret-like stage in anticipation. Support tonight comes from duo Haunted House. Onstage they are surprisingly boring to watch, but their music is the opposite of what their Kraftwerk-esque stance implies, and they get people wiggling their waists and heaving their hips in time with clubby electronic beats.

Glaswegian duo Gay Against You are up next, knocking over Kevin Blechdom on the way. This show is apparently their last 'til June 2007. Do we believe them? Nope. Unless they have exams and their mums won’t let them out.

But come on: if you were in this super-crazy sonofabitch band would you let your mum stop you from creating havoc at a Soho soiree? Nah. Gay Against You are against you, the audience, the world and themselves; their songs are a complete shambles of shouting, relentless laptop loops, feeble drumming and keyboard squeaks, proving their lack of musical talent.

The drummer has a kid-sized kit and doesn’t really try to hit any part of it; he just hits things. The singer doesn’t sing, either: he just passes the mic round the audience and bundles the crowd with his fake fur costume, climbs up things and generally makes a fantastic fuss about nothing. Their stage presence is non-existent - they play in the middle of the dancefloor - and their lyrical craftsmanship is nowhere to be seen/heard. In fact, during the whole gig the only word audible word is 'unicorn'. This being the name of one of their singles.

The whole Gay Against You set-up up is so silly; it's absolutely hilarious, and takes a combination of digital hardcore and electroclash values to their natural extremes. And in the process they undermine the whole boring end of the 'professional' music industry. Techno punks? Or just escapee school boys? Either way, by the end of the gig two of the audience members have taken it upon themselves to regularly carry the supposed singer to the bar area. He keeps coming back for more, and the audience don’t know where to look. If entertainment is what you want, then look no further.

The vortex stops here.

Photograph taken from Gay Against You's MySpace page