Christmas time, mistletoe and wine and Cliff bloody Richard: although he’s not enjoyed a festive number one single since 1990, with the cringe-worthy ‘Saviour’s Day’, the tennis-loving granny favourite has been there or thereabouts with some aural atrocity or other around Jesus’ birthday. Right now he’s at number two with ‘21st Century Christmas’. ‘Spect, Sir.

Which brings us to this: there’s been no Christmassy Christmas number one since then, or not an original one at least; 2004’s festive forty was topped by Band Aid 20’s take on ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’. Even that, though, is pretty far away from the stupidly seasonal brilliance of Wizzard or Slade.

Which brings us to this: another year older, another X Factor winner at number one while we’re sucking back the eggnog (although Leona Lewis isn’t number one yet, her ‘A Moment Like This’ is a dead cert to be up there on Sunday). Last year’s triumphant Who’s That In Two Years, Shayne Ward, enjoyed similar success in 2005 with ‘That’s My Goal’, and in 2002 fellow put-together-by-telly sorts Girls Aloud celebrated Christmas Day with their ‘Sound Of The Underground’ at number one. Good song, though, so fair enough?

Actually, no: it’s not fair enough. Where the hell are the PROPER Christmas songs? The ones that make your dad sing along to ‘em in the car while stuck in traffic after last-minute shopping for Aunty Whoever’s favourite moisturising cream; the ones that the kids love today and that they’ll love tomorrow; the ones that hit the airwaves at midday on December 1 every year and don’t fuck off again ‘til Boxing Day, and that can’t be slipped onto daytime radio at any other juncture of the year. Where are the Wizzards and Slades of today? The Darkness? Nice try, Justin, but beaten by a tears For Fears cover? Sad, sorry state of affairs…

Not that Wizzard ever made number one, you understand: ‘I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday’ peaked at number four in 1973. That year’s number one artist? Slade. What a year…

SO, now the DiScussion: what are your favourite Christmastime songs? And they have to be songs about Christmas. None of this ‘Stay Another Day’ bollocks – Tony Mortimer wrote that about his brother, or something.

Ours? Colin opts for Wham!’s ‘Last Christmas’ (number two in 1984, beaten by Band Aid), and Kev for Jona Lewie’s ‘Stop The Calvary’ (number three in 1980). Me: it’s got to be Wizzard. Sorry. I love that shit…

Sir Cliff? He loves his own work, obviously. Particularly ‘21st Century Christmas’, available at all good stores NOW.

So, DiScuss, and have yourselves a merry Christmas. And all that jazz…