When you look like a diseased Leo Sayer, life is hard enough. You don’t need to release an LP stacked to the rafters with such benign saccharine filth that your coyote-ish features become a welcome distraction.
Sorry, where were we? Etiquette, protocol. Right, from the top… Life In Cartoon Motion is the long-playing debut from current chart-topper Mika. You probably won’t be surprised to hear that his hit single ‘Grace Kelly’ is the most chart-friendly track on the LP. You will be dismayed at the news that it is also the best.
Life In Cartoon Motion is a smug, opportunist amalgam of the vices and non-virtues of Robbie Williams, Scissor Sisters and vaudeville-era Queen. Unfortunately for Mika, it carries none of the charm or charisma of said pop behemoths. Instead, it is a bland yet infuriating set of garish pop tracks, the worst being the helium-in-a-playground rap-travesty that is ‘Lollipop’.
The worse aspect is when Mika attempts to inject humour into his songs. The best he can manage is stories about fat girls – the Queen-nuzzling ‘Big Girl (you are beautiful)’ and men who - hey - turn out to be gay (‘Billy Brown’). Or at least, you hope it’s humour…
It’s enough to make you vault from a fifteenth-storey building carrying as many of the records with you as possible. Pity the poor writer who has had to listen to this record more than once to achieve ‘objective consideration’.
Of course, there can be no such thing when a record like Life In Cartoon Motion comes around. Filled as it is with schmaltzy ballads (‘Any Other World’), kitchen-sink gloop production and half-baked disco ‘stompers’ (‘Love Today’), there can only be a sense of shame.
Shame on the person who made this. Shame on the people who release, market and play this. And shame on anyone who buys it.
Too bloody right
I don't know what else to say apart from Mika sucks and his music sucks.
the other record on the label
gets a 10
It does, you're right
but the other record on the label which has been reviewed on DiS happens to be by Parliament.
get real
i think you suck and you need to get a life!
This review sucks
My god, This is the most biased and by far the most incorrect review ever.
Lets look at the beggining. First you start talking about how mika looks like a diseased Leo Sayer. ummm no he doesn't love... And why does that affect the quality of the album. you're meant to be reviewing the album here, not his looks...
Then you say that "grace kelly" is the best song on it. I personally think you're wrong. Ok thats a matter opinion but i wouldn't say to someone they'd be disapointed just because you think thats the best on there. Because it got to number 1. You don't get any better than number one remember. Unless his other songs did aswell.
"men who - hey - turn out to be gay (‘Billy Brown’). Or at least, you hope it’s humour…"
omg. Why do we "hope" its humour. Yeh its meant to have humour in it but not becuase he's gay. Whats wrong with being gay. Some of the best lyrics and songs ever written talk about homosexuality in a "non humourish" way.
Ha ha. You know what...
SHAME ON YOU DUMB ASS
I think you'll find alot of poeple disagree with this review and thats why this album is climbing high int he chart quite speedidly.
And..oh wait there. Am i wrong in saying that "one of the best known musicians from possibly THE greatest band ever" AKA Brian may, personally complained about this review becuase he disagreed and is a big fan of mika...
SO HA!!! there's your prooof :)
time to whip out the MIKA fantasy death drawing again
http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g239/thereweresides/mika.jpg
i know this is a late post...
but you're a fucking genius!
Agreed!
Fuck that
The single is good.
That's funny...
...I thought it was horrific.
overplayed
and underwritten nonsense, his faux mercury wail is enough to make you wanna killaman!
I knew this
would get a great review on DiS.
The thing
that sends me over the edge is when it sings 'kelleh' instead of kelly. AARRRRGHHHHH!!!
One day killer man
seriously
And his name will be Mika.
SHOCKHORRORNEWSFLASH!
The same label as Parliment?
Hello??
hm
only posh people sing so i try and be like grace kellee. i love the way he sings that.
Benign saccharine filth
...sounds about right.
I think he
really is the modern Leo Sayer! watch out for duet!
...sick, sick man...COWS!
Great review. The only good thing about this record is the cover. Sagoi!
I've never
heard anything by Mika. Yay for me!
Four in the guardian!
Its not all bad news tho, Bloc Party got a generous 2 ;p
wut?
this got 1/5, Bloccers got 3.
it got 4 in the observer music monthly rag, but thats always toss
bloc party got 3?
bit generous isn't it?
(awaits death threats from thousands of self-obsessed and depressed people who ought to go onto hypemahcine and find the 11 minute version of justin timberlakes new single)
:-)
Sorry
my bad.
It was actually the Times.
Still, nice to see they have their finger partially on the pulse tho, eh?
gfnb
you pour lonely person. i guess you listen to pissin leona bloody lewis or fall out boy. god, they are crap and so is everyone else in the charts that isnt mika
/\ ARE YOU BRIAN MAY? /\
...by any chance?
Lollipop
...I haven't heard this particular track yet but after the review I am afraid, truly afraid. I'll be in my basement with 600 tins and a tommy gun for company to see out this year methinks. Oh, and a tin-opener...
i hate...
being so negative about music.
but his voice is disgusting. we don't need another leo sayer/bee gees type...those lyrics, totally brilliant ;( not.
i'm so glad i have parents who like led zep and not this tat!
HATEHATEHATE
Common room music at it's very worst.
if this had been played in my common room
i would never have gone to school
Fuck it - I'm gonna argue
I remember a few years back when all pop music seemed to be Westlife and other smilarly drab acts doing drab bland songs wth no imagination whatsoever.
Whislt I don't think Grace Kelly is a great song, I do appreciate the fact it's camp, silly, over-the-top and seems to have a bit of imagination and life to it.
I'm not gonna claim Mika's great 'cos he isn't (I quite like "Relax" though) but, given the choice between camp OTT at the top of the charts or dull blandards like Razorlight or Leona Lewis, I know what I'd choose.
unfortunately
everyone screams and dances (in pleasure) when this comes on the common room radio. It makes me want to rip my ears from the side of my head, and eat them to protect them being exposed to such filth. In a post-Goody age, this'll probably be interpreted as racist, but can't he fuck off back to Croatia and take his popular culture encyclopedia with him? Cunt.
i thought he was from lebanon?
who cares... i read the review of this album for the same reason people slow to look at car crashes on the road.
mika
i genuinely a crime againt humanity. he should be tried at the hague
oh dear
saw it on Tv on thursday night
it is trully the worst music i have heard all year...
he just came across as such a smug bastard.. and talked about his music like it was high art.....
i mean just keep your feet on the ground and dont belive all your own hype
i was stuck by how he has 2 gimmicks on his vocal
the shrilly freddie mercuary bit... which didnt even get near
then the camp falseto alla scissor sisters and again it didnt come close to them ... i never thought i would hear myself say that..
but jesus this guys songs are terrible
i would serously rather westlife at least i can ignore that when its on the radio ...
this is Pop at its worst ..
he needs to stop before he hurts someone
^^marlowx?...
oh dear
I love the songs he does and when I was drooling over an interview with him, he said his songs are like marmite. You either love them (ME!) or loathe them (you). And actually, he is not smug and I would know as I've met him at his album launch. He's incredibly sweet and funny. He got bullied when he was younger so he started writing songs to take his anger out. At least he can keep his temper under control as he didn't fight back at all. That's what I look for in a man. lol
That's right
Guy releases pop record and gets savaged by indier-than-thou teenagers and twenty somethings on the internet.
Why aren't I surprised that noboddy likes this? Or perhaps more accurately, noboddy thinks they should like it because that would be "uncool".
Personally, I don't think it's great but it's not bad either, if you look at it as just a pop record. Fun.
Wouldn't listen to this often though.
New Explosions in the Sky record, ennit. Is that cool enough?
you've really lampooned the dis community there
you've got our number. no be seriously - mika is a war crime.
I just find it amazing
That you review a record like this, on this website, and savage it. Well, thanks a lot, why not just review every single pop record released each week and give it a 1? Oh wait, it's because Mika is going to be really, really, popular, and we can't be seen to be endorsing something popular AND pop, can we?
agreed
Grace Kelly is a hella good song. I'm going to buy this album and listen to it. It might not have substance but I reckon it'll be full of decent tunes.
looking at something as 'just a pop record'
is implicitly to have low expectations of it. if one has to have low expectations of music to justify listening to it at all, then it deserves shit reviews from sites like this.
No.
Because I don't want to have to think about the music I'm listening to when I'm doing other stuff.
The post-rock can wait until I'm on the train.
I haven't heard the single yet...
...but people whose opinion I respect have said it's the best number one in ages and others have hated it. I'm usually a big fan of opinion-polarising stuff...
Must go and hear it and make own mind up.
Thank God!
Thank God there's still somebody who can make their own mind up about things, without following reviews.
I feel sorry for those people who say such nasty things about young musicians who are trying their best...
If thats his best - he needs to try harder
Mika = anthrax to the ears
poor mika people saying nasty things about him boo booo hooo
he was no1 for nearly a month i suspect
he will live ...
i only like music that gets good reviews on this website ....
i need people to say its ok or i get scared in HMV ....
Ever tried...
... getting a life?
It helps build up some sort of opinion of your own.
Try it, you mike enjoy it!
please don't tell me you signed up just to defend mika?
jesus.
No, I...
signed up to meet music experts like you lot...
ok will
i like
mika he is great how could i have missed it
god thanks for saving me form a fate worst than indie ...
enjoy the new cliff richards album wont you....
I think he looks freakily like Kieran Hebden
Reasonably humourous...
Spose i should be ashamed of myself then as i'm currently marketing this man. Unfortunately though i need to pay my rent...
Not too fussed about the record myself but good to see that its stirring such passion in some.
Disgusted
You should be ashamed of your comments as this guy is paying your wages.
At the end of the day, we're all different. I think Grace Kelly is a good "pop" record. He's a young guy, trying to make his way in the industry. Describing him as a diseased Leo Sayer is pitiful and signs of a writer who has a limited volcabulary. If you wish to insult, do so to the persons face!!!!!
Meantime, if you have nothing useful to say, say nothing!
how
is he 'paying my wages' HOW? i'm a student... DiS only chose to review this because they knew the result of tying a reviewer to a chair and forcing them to listen to the whole damn thing (as i'm sure happened) would have funny consequences.
/\ complete failure to follow thread.
stoopid me. BUT you should be able to bite the hand that feeds you, especially if it rapes your ears while it does so.
hello brian
ive still managed to avoid this
i do love the single actually, but everything i've heard about the rest of the album puts me off. sounds like scissor sisters (who i dont like) with less sense and a massive superiority complex
The Guardian
Prints a handy little matrix every Monday. It gives the scores that the broadsheets newspapers give various plays, albums, films etc. Mika featured in today's edition and here is how the scoring went:
Guardian: 1
Observer: 3
Times: 8
Sunday Times: 6
Telegraph: N/A
Sunday Telegraph: N/A
Independent: 3
Sunday Independent: 10 (!)
So obviously there are huge disparities and no single consensus on this guy. Personally I find his music a little drab.
Mika
Gareth Dobson, you sad little man, get a life!!! If you were creative and even alittle talented I'd love people to rip your work apart!!! shame on you!!
The 'indier-than-thou' argument doesn't really hold water with this
The song is genuinely terrible, and not just because it's pop. It's insulting to the ears and stupid.
are you really
Brian May from Queen?
..
Does anyone remember the band Mika Bomb? Now there's an idea.
part of me knows
i should be the bigger person and walk away. but when leroy_brown says "volcabulary" part of me wants to snigger and go DUHBRAIN. a small mrkettle i may be. but i didnt buy the mika record. which is why shall sleep safe.
Tongue in cheek
was how my first sentence was meant to come across, shame Mr Leroy Brown couldn't quite gauge that. Anyhow, back to the soulless life of advertising...
Tongue in cheek
was how my first sentence was meant to come across, shame Mr Leroy Brown couldn't quite gauge that. Anyhow, back to the soulless life of advertising...
...
http://www.brianmay.com/brian/brianssb/brianssb.html
Brian May's comments
... Ha!
See?
That will serve you lot!
Brian May rules!
Hahahaha
mika sucks
so does leroy_brown
surely?
Poodle-Haired publicity whore.
...you lack originality, mate...
...the "poodle-haired" thing is so yesterday!!!
BRIAN MAY ROCKS!!
No he doesn't
He hasn't done anything good for music in 15 years.
Read between the lines: he's past it.
.... sorry...
... I apologise, I didn't realise you were so naive.
Without Queen and all the "past-it" musicians we wouldn't have had all the modern music we now listen to.
But nevermind, go back to your Westlife CD collection...
I will.
Saviours of modern music, innit.
aww...
Good boy.
I'm not the only thing that lacks originality
so does queen.
Queen-existed late 70's to early 90's (im not entirely sure about the precise date of freddies death)
I recently looked into this era and there were LOOOADS of bands around at the time with names like 'sonic youth' and 'joy division' and 'pixies' and 'slint' and 'talking heads'.
But they didnt churn out the same dad-rock cliches with a pop twist that had dominated the charts since the 70's so accordingly ive never listened to them, because clearly they had no influence on modern bands at all.
Why don't you...
...do your homework, big boy?
Queen released their first album in the EARLY 70s, not late 70s.
Remember: plug in brain, open mouth to speak.
Out of curiosity - how many Queen records have you listened to?
None? Thought so.
How many records by any of those bands ive listed have you listened to?
The date is irrelevant, I was pointing out the fact that those bands were around at the same time as Queen were being sucessful, and produced far more original and interesting music than Queen ever did. Their influences are much broader reaching.
Queens influences: Mika, The Darkness, Razorlight, most of the evil in the charts.
Joy Division: pretty much every modern 'indie' act.
just one example, and i'm pretty sure Joy Division had took no influence from Queen whatsoever.
Ive heard my dads copy of night at the opera. its not very original. as is the best of.
in fact both border on annoying shit.
but to pander to you..
Pre early 70's bands/ musicians..
King Crimson
The Doors
Velvet Underground
Pink Floyd
Jefferson Airplane
Terry Riley
to name a few
I'd say most of these bands had more of an influence on modern Music than Queen Ever did.
queen's influence
actually queen did influence alot of modern bands. for example there is My Chemical Romance(MCR)(love them!). and even though i don't really like Mika's music i think he has a chance if he drops the Freddie Mercury/Scissor Sisters act and writes some better songs.
My chemical Romance
...see? this is exactly what i'm talking about, this is precisely the sort of ear raping filth that queen has left us with. Where are you 'ive just signed on for one post' types coming from?
I dont doubt that he can sing or play his instruments, but thats only half a talent, you also need to be able to write tunes. And he cant. Its wasted skill.