Cowell: I'm The Boss
(Friday March 16, 2007 10:58 AM)

Simon Cowell has claimed that he's five times more successful than Bruce Springsteen.

In an interview with US TV show "60 Minutes", the "X Factor" judge and label boss questioned Sony BMG's decision to pay Springsteen an advance of $100m.

He told interviewer Anderson Cooper: "I sell more records than Bruce Springsteen, sure.

"In the last five years I've sold over 100m records. If he got $100m, I should have got $500m."

Cowell, who works for Sony BMG and launched the careers of Gareth Gates and Shayne Ward, recently took a swipe at another rock veteran in the shape of Bob Dylan.

In January, the music mogul derided Dylan as a "singing poet" who "bores me to tears".

I'd like to lock him down in a damp cellar with nothing to survive on but a glass of dirty water each day, and some rat filth to eat.

After three weeks I'd pretend there had been a terrible mistake, and say he'd be free to go once we'd had him checked out by a doctor.

Then I'd say- I'm really sorry Simon, but your leg has gangrene, and we are going to have to amputate it.

Then I'd chop his leg off, cook it up nice, with gravy and stuff, but no vegetables, and give it to him to eat, without letting him know what it was.

THEN I'd dangle him (other) leg first into a pool of pirhanas and let them slowly eat him.

making him eat each of those 100 million records, finely ground up, would be quite satisfying.

'dewig' him, with video footage, hopefully it would become youtubes most popular. Or I would sell the footage to the channels.

Alternatively it would just be nice to see him fail by the public not buying the pap he is good at promoting, unfortunately this is not likely, Is he a symptom or a cause....a bit of both i suspect

fancies Simon Cowell and it really disgusts me. Should I stop being friends with this person?

Kidnap him and threaten him with just basic murder, unless he goes on The X Factor and acts as if everything is normal. Then, when the series is over, kidnap him AGAIN and rig him up to a chopping board with a moveable spinning rotary blade at one end. Then tell him that for every copy of the X Factor winner's debut single sold, the rotary blade moves one millimetre closer to his testicles, and for every 350 copies sold, the speed with which the blade spins increases by 5 rpm.

Of course, I am neither malicious nor practically minded enough to actually hook up a system that is that technologically sophisticated, so I would have to hope that he would die of fear.

That'd fuck him, just like the young lads he keeps in his porn dungeon.

a hot iron on the chest or a good old fashioned eye gauge with a spoon.

I'd probably go for the spoon option.

and patience.

bite me