out of the film willow hehe

wasn't really that funny or a very good story.
darren campbell - Olympic runner, kinda famous really, but no one knows who he is when i talk of him.
he gave me a black man hand shake and asked me if i was sober, i lied and said 'yes of course i am!'

I'M A STUDENT!!!!!!!

...in a corridor at the BBC studios. I said to the person next to me "hey is that Alex Zane?" (this was back before Russel Brand was famous) and he looked really pissed off.

Can't blame him really. Ah well!

in a burger king, strangely enough. in thorpe park

I was with friends, and we chased Jim Bowen into his hotel, with him shouting bugger off or something at us.

I also saw Bernard Manning, and said awight Bernard in a Bernard voice. He said awight son in a Bernard voice.

Zoe Ball also once bought me a pint, but I don't think she's rubbish.

is pretty rubbish - he was coming off the Loch Ness submarine, when I was about 14 and told me "that was wild, mayt"

A better, second hand story - my mate once met Dan Marino (remember - Ace Ventura?)... He signed his cap - took a short step back - pointed at him and winked - "stay safe, kid".

...from the roly polys.

see here... for those not old enough to remember.

http://www.nigelround.co.uk/infopages/roly_polys.html

i got run over by the rose queen float back in a northern market town i grew up in.. ( i was collecting money at the time) - she was the fete 'celebrity' and came to see my in the St Johns tent!!

LOL!

S CLUB

OH and i was at the pub with Stuart from Big Brother the other night

I was really drunk and told him he was my favourite Newsnight Review presenter. I then asked him "how can I be as great as you?" and he said "drink less red wine." I then accused him of being sleazy for some reason I can't quite remember.

Luckily though I stumbled into him again the following day and was able to apologise. He seemed pretty cool with it. Nice guy.

The Eagle Edwards

- at the Cliffs Pavillion restaurant, Southend, circa 1984. He was on TV at the time in a kids show called 'So You Wanna be Top.' He signed a paper napkin for me.

Bizarrely, the only other time i've asked for an autograph, was at the Slough Festival 92, from the bassist in Silverfish

When I was at primary school and he probably still did 'Beadle's About'.

I saw his tiny hand.

They weren't with the "...and no slacking!" man though

I can't believe I forgot this:

Isla Fisher was doing the summer season with Darren Day in Blackpool. She used to come to my local and drink (and play pool). One time we were in and a guy, Dodgy Pete went up to her and said "I stopped watching Home and Away when you left", she said "aww thats sweet", and as he turned to walk away he said "Well thats not true, I just stopped wanking over it"

I love that story.

my friends went up and started talking to him in the natural history museum in london. then he followed us around. for about half an hour, regaling us with thrilling stories about how he's terry wogan's secret nemesis, and how extensive his knowledge of buckfast is. you get the idea.

Donny Tourette on a number of occasions.

but im proud of this.

ZING!

Villareal goalkeeper.
hes my cousin though so does it still count?

I accidently pulled his wing off then I cried because my auntie told me we had to leave as I'd killed him :(

That sounds like a euphemism.
He asked her if she wanted to join membership scheme because he didnt know who she was and didnt realise she was only visiting. She was a bit shocked, apparently.

Again, that sounds like a euphemism.

When I was about 8.
He was a wanker.

He's a cunt.

Ben Kweller made fun of me.

at a petrol station
when i was about 5

my mum crashed into his trolley in Asda when i was with her then realised it was sinbad lol

Better known as Coronation Street's Reg Holdsworth.

I was about 16. He rode past my friend and I with his kids. My friend Craig, being the loveable bastard he is shouted, "Rrrrrreginald you big git". The look of embarrassment on his kids' faces was brilliant.

also walked past tony wilson on oldham street in manchester back in may or june. didn't say anything.

Watched a play I was doing in Durham Cathedral, and said he liked it