I just got a text from a girl at work who is off sick today. I was just texting her to say I hope she felt better. She then replied with
"Hey, stop distracting me in bed! U keep interrupting my fantasies about screwing u and they r much better when u arent around! So less input from u please."
I really don't know how to respond... Is this a trick...?
"lol"
winner
alternatively
say "yeah, my girlfriend says that as well." it's both funny AND puts her in her place.
Unless she says
'my fantasy is a 3some with u and ur gf'.
oh God
^5
http://www.drownedinsound.com/articles/2753031#r2753061
Go to another room
Get steaks from the kitchen
this well made me lol
I'd ignore it
possible
I'm still deciding
show her boss
* show her who's boss
* shower her boss
I <3
"SHOW HER BOSS"
You shouldn't have texted her in the first place!
You slut.
It started
off very innocently... I'm not sure what happened
I have a fair idea.
You're a menace to society and should be banned from speaking to anyone ever again.
: (
Out of curiosity.....
are you attracted to this girl?
THREESOME
Yeah I am
but you know, I'm not really in a position to....
well that's your problem there
how do you engineer it so your girlfriend is up for hot co-worker threesome...
guilt trip.
Will this be your new username
when you hit the 50,000 posts mark?
no
as i said before, i'm not going to get a new username, i'm going to quit.
.
"Sorry you have not won this time. To subscribe to info about Cadbury's products by text reply YES to this message."
lolz
very happy with this post
that....
...is a class response. i am liking it.
she might have texted you by accident
no
because it made sense in context, sort of...
snowball
you knew this was coming
I really didn't
but I am secretly very proud, yes
Oh dear
Does she like football biographies?
I doubt it
She likes The Pixies though
you must have said something previously
I said
"Stop distracting me, I'm trying to stamp the newspapers"
If that is leading someone on then I better stop speaking
so when are you coming over to screw me?
"lol"
something about a Lemon shark?
Ask her...
..what her fantasy is, so you can help instead of get in the way.
Unless she's not hot. If she's not hot just go with the 'lol' option mentioned above.
she's fairly hot
but I'm not doing that
it makes me sad
to say that i've not go a fraction of your self control. So its fortunate this isn't happening to me.
i'd say
"well dont f*cking text me then you dumb f*ck"
On second reading
the 'they r much better when u arent around' doesn't sound too promising...
That's what I was thinking
i was just thinking this.
that's a pretty big ZING right there.
I'm confused
Her fantasies of you are better when you aren't in them
Whats to be confused by?
I'm not sure
that's what she is saying
Consult that love tester text thing
They'll sort you out, no worries
phew
I wish I was drunk - that would make this so much easier
but you dont want to screw her right. you have a girlfriend
this is good news!
right?
right!
lol
Of course
I want to screw her. But I have a girlfriend so I'm not going to screw her
Easy
meaning
she is saying her fantasies of you are much better when she is fully responsible for them and you aren't around trying to muck them up with your input
what a paradox eh?
I dunno
Look it up yourself, lazybones
hee hee
what a morning
always good though to....
get an sexually explicit text from a hot bird, regardless of whether you have a girlfriend or not.
Not that I get many of them!!
pics pls
I don't have any
I'm not a pevert
rough sketch?
...
http://www.unl.edu/womenssp/images/drawing%20of%20rose.jpg
HOTTTTTTTT
!
I wish
is she on facebook?
Heh.
The gentlemanly thing to do would be to ignore it. It was obviously meant for her boyfriend/lover.
Well
I have ignored it so... go me the gentleman
You've just been for a wank at the thought though, haven't you?
"lol"
:D
The trouble is
I know in my heart of hearts I will reply tomorrow night when I am drunk
Delete the message, and her number.
Now. And while you're at it, delete the number of every girl you know. Now.
If I do that
You will get the brunt
"input"
I thought sex would be all about your input, literally speaking of course.
less is more
That's what all men with a small penis say.
==D <- actual size?????
maybe she's delirious
and won't remember it. Just delete it and never mention it again!
I would never send a text like that unless I was pretty certain it would be reciprocated. What have you said to her in the past?!
Nothing
in that way honestly... that's why it was quite a shock
Of course it could be a very dark joke. I suppose I might find out next Monday
cause DiS board members only get dirty texts from delirious women!
this is possibly true
Delirious because of the immense arousal
of course
I've only been at work 20 minutes
and already my jaw hurts from keeping the laughter in. I have a good feeling about today.
You think you're going to get a text from devonmalcolm?
"lol"
still drunk?
of course
she could be a filthy cow by getting off on you texting back with her phone set to notify appropriately, it's possibly a whole lot more sordid than you think and you're already caught up... like a bad michael douglas film...!
oh jaysis
aye
she's probably murmering your name whilst holding her sick back AS WE SPEAK.
Show up there
in your pants with a packet of condoms and some cheap wine. Women love that shit.
bloody hell
thought my post had gone too far, that's just... actually, genius...
I don't know
where she lives
Hemel Hempstead I think!
She lives in Hemel Hempstead?
Whatever you do, never make eye contact with her again
she's not
*from* there I don't think, so it's ok
If he shows up in his pants in this weather
he'll have some time trying to find the little fella.
Because he won't be able to see over his gut?
Shrinkage in the cold, I mean
Never mind...
I got it
I just wanted to make a 'fat' jibe.
Ah sorry.
Jibe away.
I lost
1lb over Christmas!
never
underestimate the sexiness, warmth and general effectiveness of thermal underwear
hott
http://www.flickr.com/photos/localcut/183811715/
hmmm....
'Thousands of parents across the UK are nursing their sick child as the winter vomiting and flu bugs continue to take a grip.'
completely out of context and also undermines her sickness.
lolz @ this whole thread
:D
despair more like
it's worse than the confessions on gumtree...
you read those too?
You must know my life story