I farted when I came once.
Now you...
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the thread
it has ended before it started
the thread
or is that your faux-pas?
you turn
my own words against me to imply I have an inability to sexually satisfy women due to a complete lack of staying power, for which I salute you, alas that is the least of my problems.
square peg
round hole?
pentagonal peg
smooth unblemished surface, as far as the eye can see
smooth umblemishes surface, you say?
http://drownedinsound.com/articles/2842604
i hate my lovelife
It's no faux-pas, 29
It's a power boost. Girls love that, I'm pretty sure.
:D I was in a rush, admittedly
Oh god. Someone else please have some amusing yet embarrassing tale.
Surely many people
have fallen asleep? I'll admit I have. Somteime's you're just tired, you know............
yeah i think thats pretty standard
sex can be rather tiring....
done that..
a few times.
The look of confused hurt on their faces always alerted me to something wrong..
I laughed once, my ex was so earnest about everything
all the time, I was always very conscious of the fact that I shouldn't laugh when she was being all intense, but, the more I thought about it the more I desperately needed to laugh.
NEVER laugh at a girl during sex.
:D
i want to hear more of this story
if you laugh for some reason during sex
and your partner laughs back, understanding exactly why you're laughing and not being uptight or humorless enough to join in, you will know you have found what douchebags would call "the one"
ALWAYS laugh at a girl diuring sex
if you cant laugh with each other over those sorts of things, then you shouldn't be getting naked together and doing the sex
exactly!
Totally agree with laughing together
Embarressing stuff happens during sex - it is possibly one of the most undignified acts two people can take part in together and things are bound to go a bit array sometimes. Laughing at it just makes it less embarressing and more toegethery.
As for faux pas, I've had numerous leg cramps, clicky knees, bumped heads, wierd noises, dead arms etc etc, although I wouldn't necessarily call them faux pas.
I don't think it's usually
a case of laughing AT the girl during sex. More of laughing with her. It's a great feeling.
I laugh all the tim
I didn't realise it was a faux pas. actually it's more like giggling.
all the
*time
Legend!
What was the reaction?
I mentioned this the other night, but an untentional headbutt occured when losing my virginity.
^
this was originally directed at Twentynine, but somehow the 3 posts got through at the same time.
A look of absolute terror
Mixed with mild disgust.
I'd love to say I topped the moment off with a witty retort but the humilation still haunts me (and makes me laugh in equal measure) some 6 years later
http://www.drownedinsound.com/user/view/51915
http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb48/losninosdelparque/aguidetodis.jpg
Ha. Poor you!
An ex used to wet the bed when really pissed. Obviously he didn't get any then.
my ex
used to piss the bed, or in the corner of the room and pnch me in the face when totally pissed. FUN TIMES
*Punch
My friend wet the bed after a one-night stand once
he blamed it on her and she got really embarrassed.
lmao :D
haha i had the laughing thing really badly once.
the guy looked like he was playing the bagpipes. and i told him so.
tee hee it's making me giggle just thinking about it.
0_o
I can't quite fathom what was where
it wasn't really the geography of it,
but more the facial expression/vigourous movements. i'm not sure how to explain it properly, except that he just REALLY looked like he was playing the bagpipes.
that is
hilarious!!
raping kids
only a matter of time
this country, eh?
innit
but for a serious answer, pretty much twentynines, but with a loud burp instead. i dont think the two were related though, just unfortunate
Bed still smelled like perfume from the last girl.
er... nuff said really.
YOU PLAYER!
I'VE GOT A NEW HERO
Agreed
^
Not really sexual, but definitely a faux pas
I staggered round to the girlfriend's house severely drunk around 1 am one nigth a month or two ago.
What I am now repeating is mostly hazy for me, but her and her two housemates corroborate it all.
1) I knocked on the door, and when it opened, literally fell straight through it.
2) Got carried upstairs, put in bed.
3) Was kissed on cheek and comforted and then told to remove my tshirt and jeans. My response: "STOP TRYING TO RAPE ME!)
4) Given glass of water. Girlfriend sat behind me, urging me to drink. I somehow manage, 'Airplane' style; to throw the water over my shoulder instead of into my mouth when trying to drink, hitting the girlfriend in the face and thus soaking her.
The rest is not worth telling nor as amusing, but apparently I started shuddering and quivering and spazzing out in my sleep, meaning she slept on the floor that night, away from my flailing limbs.
Oh, and of course I once accidentally headbutted her in the 'area' when down there. And also managed to roll off the bed with her and land on the floor one time. And then I also slammed her head against a shelf, which was pretty lol.
^ my hero
I am a drunken oaf
pretty much.
"Stop trying to rape me!" still brings me out in fits of giggles.
"STOP TRYING TO RAPE ME"
Brilliant! I'm in tears! :D
headbutts ftw!
embarassing no
almost as bad getting your legs stuck inside your trousers and falling over and banging your head on a desk.
Man, I'm so inept at sexy stuff :(
that is fantastic :)
i have also done the tings in the last paragraph. bed wrestling can be fun for some, but i get a bit competitive. last time i dropped an elbow drop from my windowsill onto the bed then powerbombed my ex girlfriend
^
have you tried the Walls of Jericho as a position? Tis deep...
it wouldnt work
unless in reverse, but thats just the wheelbarrow then innit
the tombstone position is pretty intense though.
flailing limbs! sounds like...
something i had the pleasure of overhearing/experiencing at a friend of mines house once.
after a merry party, folk are sleeping where they pass out. i myself have managed to pull but my new acquaintance has decided to vacate (:(). anyway, i can never sleep at these to do's and i was up and about with the other hangers on that were awake and still gurning. then all of a sudden, a girl, clearly distressed, storms past, tears streaming down her face. she's quickly followed by a bloke who was covering his jewels yelping for said girl to come back. we who are a bit surpised by this sudden blaze of naked activity ask him whats he did to deserve this...
he genuinely said:
"well, this song came on, and i just couldn't control myself so i got up to dance and since she was on top, i sorta took her with me..."
he'd lept up, flew out of her, while she flew off the bed and landed with a thud. ..
thus, never shag and dance
wrinkley
once I accidently pointed out that a girl had made my fingers go all wrinkley... aparently I shouldn't have pointed that out.
Ha ha.
:)
Told a girl that her pubes looked like serj tankians beard
oops.
"Wake up, wake up, grab a brush"
YOU WANTED TO!
JUMP POGO POGO POGO
It was worst pubic hairstyle I've ever seen.
'worst pubic hairstyle'
now there's a google image search and a half.
I'm on it.
...
...no, I'm not ready yet.
In your own good time
Don't try and force the issue. That's how all this got started.
Couldn't find any bad pubes
But have most definitely found the worst thong - https://secure.fantasygirl.co.uk/acatalog/hairstyle5.jpg
It deserves it's own thread really.
AAAARGH.
...
All you need to know is that it involved a small quantity of poo. And that to this day I'm amazed I got away with it.
As a compromise for the disappointment you're all no doubt feeling, can I interest you in a tale of cunt-kneeing? I knee girls in the cunt. A lot. The lesson is: NEVER MOVE ANY PART OF YOUR BODY DURING SEX.
Surely if you just don't move your knees
you should be okay?
nah, cause then you just move your elbows
and elbows are sharper and bonier than knees.
Unless you are Peter Crouch
In which case your entire body is sharp and you cut your sexual partners to ribbons.
:D
and now i think we all need to know the poo tale...
I don't think it needs much more detail.
...
I think he crapped on a naked peter crouch, narrowly avoiding death by extreme laceration.
While wearing this v
https://secure.fantasygirl.co.uk/acatalog/hairstyle5.jpg
The scary thing is
the truth may actually be worse.
This needs to be in here
http://bp1.blogger.com/_17v42l8_5UY/RpzJQqGt_-I/AAAAAAAAAJM/HVnkTc4KMNM/s1600-h/apollyon+bodypaint.bmp
Should probably say NSFW
I don't think anything in this thread is SFW
!!!!
We have a winner on the bad pubis front^
imagine being intimate with that
'jesus is watching you'
praise be for
a second coming
ROFL
:D
I see your wotsit and raise you a woah:
*NSFW*
http://tinyurl.com/ygksrk
was that before she shaved her body hair?
hypothetically.
...
I like the fact that she looks surprised. What is she looking at?
Maybe
she's gorping at her own festerous stench?
:O
her minge is bigger than my torso!
thats incredible
that is some serious bush
...
Let's just say, my finger was in a certain area when it encountered a certain object. And there was almost much vom and recrimination, but I regained my composure and got rid of it before the previous owner of said object noticed it was no longer in her possession.
The next morning, the object somehow returned. Attached to furniture. Again, there was almost vom, but I regained my composure and got rid of it again. Permanently this time.
hero.
^ ah, haha
oh god, and so eloquently told.
actualol
...
Actual words spoken (both times)
Me: "NOO!!"
Her: "What?"
Me: "NOTHING... nothing..."
I can imagine that being part of a film
and it zooming in on your face, contorted in "NOOOO!" before cutting to the object, lying on the furniture and looking out of place and slightly lost.
you should stop watching shit films
geddit? arfarf!
you
stole her poo?
I started reading this thread ...
feeling quietly confident I didn't have any awful stories...
Alas, I've been proved wrong.
But I'm not sharing.
You are like that woman across the dancefloor that LOOKS but WONT LET YOU TOUCH
tell us the story!