hundred of them man, but most of mine are either impossible to convey by text or they include some sort of action to accompany them.....<pretty funny huh? i think you may need to be in my group of friends to get it though.

Weak

that you really just aren't very funny

Better than a PP in the eye!
And he's dead!
How do you spell *then make a sound like someone teeth-planting on a kerb.*
Nice one, Tony Hawk (when used to mock someone for something foolish)

'funny kings'
Po's BMW
Secret McDonalds
Westworld

Most of them revolve around the same person, who was just a walking joke for the entirety of school and sixth form.

then you'll see

ie: oh landsc.

Let's Move on (in east european accent)
SP Davies
Dirdy shoe!

i dont get it

Waaaahaayyy!! Doo Doo Doo Doo!
Sting was in Tron?

it's the future.

LEE GARRETT MATE!

Sending lettuce in the post.

Replying 'I don't know. Ask the pirate?' to everything.

Jermain (Defo/Definitely)

'You, my friend, have had an absolute Regi Blinker'.

'That is Pierre.' (Van Hooijdonk as in is totally bonkers)

That and trying to create 'Fantasy Rugby XVs' from notable characters/dogs we pass in the street- thus far we've got two packs of TV Chefs and an absolute screamer of an 'American Teen Soaps on the 90s' Lions party. Roger from Sister Sister as third choice scrum half? What a great morale boosting tourist...

phrenology

mrs williams

fatty

WHITstable

line the shite

We're so ZANY!

is one i have with my sister: making a 'brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!' sound and doing a gun shape with your hand and pointing it at someone you hate.

I don't even know anyone called Andy.

It's just science - explanation for anything complicated.

ALAN MOORE!

stolen from Alan Partridge but in my defence, i didn't know where my mate got it from when i started saying it, and we use it out of context.

i.e. "Do you want coffee or tea?"
"Either way..."

Stuff is generally stolen, mainly from the Simpsons.

'jeb-end'

Anything featuring Mr Hobbs, Quaker, Arsenal pub "the duck and letts (pronounced lettuce), a bee, pompous, ding dong, musli flakes, "get's in front of the defender"...

Little (surname). He can't help it.

ONE MUST (swing arms 'royally' INDULGE

When in Rome, son. When in Rome...

No, kettle

You sound like an eastern european prostitute.

or some other TV show.
How exactly are they private jokes?

so ones from my other friends tend to involve:
sex-pesting
Butlins Jail
Top Jew
being livid

Oh, in about ten minutes. (When asked ANYTHING relating to time.)

And thousands more, that I can't remember at the moment.

"Sarah, you half-caste bitch"
"Oh no you didn't... Oh yes you did"
"Sex in the mouth"

I miss my friends.

www.myspace.com/widelysprung

contain yourselves, girls.
...but where are they all?
BOSS.
goujons... how inappropriate.
...and then we realised, it was PAPA JOE.
i'm not being funny, but i just pished in that corner.
BOMBSHELL blue.
you're all heroin addicts.
a sexual face makes this a happy place.
i think you'll find it's a big ass sheep.
TEAM ROY
feel my sexual silk tie.

and about five thousand more.
basically, our conversations consist of different combinations of these being repeated lots in response to absolutely everything.

"Lame"
"To boot"

"Look at me looking at you, I'm a crow"

"Babe - Pig in a bag"