TELL US SOME JOKES!

Brilliant. Every time.

...Kate Nash did a 'fans only' gig for XFM last year and in her encore played a love song with a big pause near the end. During said pause some guy shouted 'get your muff out!'. Apparently her Cribs boyfriend punched him for it.

and bono did the 'everytime I click my fingers someone dies in the third world plug' mid set

some individual shouter 'stop clicking then'
brilliant...

someone yelled: "you're rubbish mate and so's your suit."

Carr: "ok...*reaches inside suit* ooh, still got your money though!"

Sung to the tune of De, De, De, Der, Der

Your team is shit
Your birds are fit
Your team is shit
but, your birds are fit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PdKpR9qNtg

God I love bill hicks.

Summer Of 69

(to which thom replied somthing like "shut up, you c*nt!")

at Glastonbury. 1993 I think....
Some fat old hippy bird on stage, singing
"We're all children of the yoooooniverse"

When some cynical bugger in the crowd shouts "BOLLOCKS!"

Despite now having the entire audience laughing at her and with the aforementioned cynical bugger, she tries gamely to carry on singing about stars and flowers. At the end of every line, the cry of "Bollocks!" grows larger.

Eventually, about half the audience is joining in with the "Bollocks!" and the poor old bird has to give in.

"Ok, let's do this properly" she says and starts the song again, this time pausing after each line and pointing out into the crowd to give us our cue...

"BOLLLLLLLOOOOCCCKKKS!"

Bless.

He’s fast, he’s quick, his name’s a porno flick, He’s Emmanuel!

to future adventures, "you look like spy versus spy"
swiftly followed (by the same person)to at the drive-in "you look like the jackson five"

in newcastle a few years ago...
"play sweet child o mine"
-stuart smiled and then knocked out the riff to the delight of everyone.

at hundred reasons at leeds fest a few years ago...
"play one armed scissor!"

Kirk Douglas's (spartacus) son Peter Douglas had a go at being a stand up comedian years ago to no success.

He did a tour a everynight the crowd grew tired a started to heckle.

one night he lost the plot and started to comfront the crowd.

On one occasion he lost it and started shouting

"dont you know who i am, I'm Kirk Douglas's son"

to then a member of the audience shouted

"No I'm Kirk Douglas's son"
*Spartacus Style*

but still...

Kaiser Chiefs, early days, supporting Ordinary Boys: "Blur have lawyers by the way!" (or words to that effect...)

Smoosh, Cargo: "Does your mum know your out?"

Low, Manchester Hop & Grape: "for fucks sake, cheer up!"

"You people dance less than the Swiss"

Is art drawing or colouring in?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YHLPjEQL0A

Play that one from the vodafone advert so we can all go home!

heckled a clown for looking like a rubbish Jimi Hendrix tribute act.

but it tickled me anyway. An exchange between a young rudeboy and an skateboarding kid.

Rudeboy - hey greebo do a trick

Skater kid - like what?

Rudeboy - I dunno man, turn into a bat or something.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=qnSbEhFW_hE

"Your momma works in Nandos."

Shouted at the big screen in Wetherspoons by my very civilised 8-year-old nephew as Ronaldo scored against England in the World Cup.

Was at a football match a few years ago and one of the players got hit in the knackers by the ball...

...he fell down, clutching his privates and some toothless oldtimer shouted 'Get Kaffy Beale on!!!' (this was after the tabloid story broke about Gillian Tayleforth giving her fella a beejay while parked on the hard shoulder, or summat).

The heckles used to be quite good...

one guy used to shout 'When are you gonna give my sister her handbag back?'

Chelsea fans the other week directed at Neville and picked up quite clearley by the microphones on live TV.
"you're a cunt, you're a cunt, you're a cunt, you've always been a cunt,
neville is a cunt, you're a cunt, you're a cunt, you're a cunt, you've always been a cunt.

Stan Ridgeway was the support act. He's famous as a one hit wonder for the song Camoflage. After he played it someone shouted "Play Camoflage again!", and they kept shouting it after every song until the end of his set.

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