Not good.......amazing how much animosity can build up.
I don't get how you can go from being so close for so long to being shut out of someone's life....it's like I never you knew the person at all.
All I did was to ask her if she had found anyone else and she told me to f*ck off.....nice, thanks for that.
I need a nice new lovely girl.
"I need a nice new lovely girl."
good idea - start the cycle all over again!
that was pretty emo.
definitely
+100 emo points guntrip.
not really
i just find that kind of behavior pretty funny.
what, the "dont date cos it'l just go wrong" thing?
no
the "I MUST BE WITH SOMEONE" thing.
some people have love in their hearts gunny
;)
^^^^ This
thanks.
Overlly cynical??? ^^^
not at all
i just think people should go out with someone because they like them, not because they want to go out with someone.
it's actually a pretty romanticised view.
nuh-uh!
just cause you want to go out with someone, even if you're feeling desperate, does not mean you're just going to go out with the next person to show interest in you! you still have standards!
knob her best friend.
Knob - her best friend
What if it's a bloke?
WHAT IF IT'S YOUR SISTER?
You sicko.
knob
her new squeeze. even if it is a bloke. that'll learn her.
See, this is the thing
in my experience if you ask out a female friend of an ex they will nearly always say no as they have some kind of allegance to the Ex(I know blokes will do this but they are more likely to say yes....depending on the situation)....I've been single for 9 weeks now and am bored.....I need some love.
It's called choosing sides.
You seen Curb Your Enthusiasm?
try
being single for 6 months.
ahem
try being single for SEVENTEEN YEARS.
i think i win.
hardly
You're only young.
Four years and counting, personally.
LOSER
NINE WEEKS!?!
That's NOTHING.
It is to a fruit fly
You could fight several wars in that time
http://listverse.com/politics/top-10-shortest-wars/
I know but
you know i'm 32 now.....I want a family....time is ticking away.
Wouldn't that scare people?
No offence, like
Maybe.....
I don't go up to people and say....hey, let's have kids!
Just that I thought this last one was it and now it's a case of having to start all over again :(
That would work with some girls i've met
How long were you together?
^^ 4 years
Its a long time...
Its a shitter you work together. My only relationship of thta length it took about two years for us to be mates again.
Thing is, its better you broke up now, than when kids were in tow.
Someone will come along in time... but girls (and boys) smell desperation...
Oh totally
I'm not desperate at all (despite how it might read on this thread), I'm happy spending time with myself doing my own thing, when it comes along it comes along I guess.
.
i would never date one of my ex's friends. it doesn't even enter my mind.
conversely, my ex husband now lives with my ex friend! life is fun!
i think it's fine
i'd avoid it if it was a recent ex or if i had any reason to think there was some residual feeling or major angst there, but otherwise, i see nothing wrong with it. my friends have dated my exes and and it's all been shipshape.
a lot comes down to how a relationship ends. i don't argue with my exes because in nearly every case we ended things civilly & honestly. they're all either friends, occasional acquaintances or nice people who just aren't in my life anymore. the idea of feeling animosity to someone you cared so much about is hard for me to understand, unless they actually did something really wrong to hurt you [aside from the obvious hurt of a relationship ending.]
.
oh i never said i had any animosity towards any of my exes. actually it's rather the opposite! i still talk to all of them.. even my ex husband.. who was, for the record, very mean to me!
i would just personally find it odd to date one of their friends.. i wouldn't want anything i did to mess up their friendship. i agree with not dating my ex's friends in principle but it IS all dependent on circumstances of course..
If you're bored of being single after 9 weeks
you're doing it wrong!
nine weeks??
that's nothing. surely you can't be over her yet?
I'm not
but i'm bored of me time now...I want to share things with someone.
oh yeah
i can definitely understand that, but i think guntrip is actually right up there, you don't have to be with someone. talk to your friends, rediscover single life, have a wump.
what? 9 weeks is more than enough time
to move on!
haha
i disagree! i'm not over my last girlfriend and we broke up about six months ago...
well,
not necessarily completely over, but over enough to meet someone new. if i waited til i Completely got over someone i'd have been single since 2001 and still going.
yeeks.
Not after 4 years together though.
oh! well,
i definitely don't have that sort of experience.
Give her space
leave it about 18 months or so, then you can be friends.
Works for me!
Problem is Olgerich
that we work together and so I have to see her every single day..there is no escape from it.
That is a problem
I'm all out of advice. Sorry.
"I need a nice new lovely girl"
My mind immediately sprung to a Barbie doll in a box. Sorry.
But really Steve, it's not really your business to be asking her if she's getting laid yet or not. Often when things split like this, it's a competition to see who can hook up with someone else first. It's not nice.
Maybe she saw it a bit like that.
There
really was no need to for her to be so spiteful though, the look on her face was pure hatred...she did this to me, she has to expect that i'm not just going to say Oh, ok....great.....have a nice life....yeah, no problem that you broke my heart and took everything away....I can handle it....i'm really happy for you blah blah blah.
Perhaps
she's trying to make you hate her on purporse, so that you'll get over it more quickly.
and when you're feeling guilty
it's easier to just be mean to the person you're feeling guilty about.
That's what I said to her
there's no need for it though..she is slowly destroying any chance of us being friendly (given time)....I get on really well with all my ex's..this time it may be different.
I'm a nice person...I don't need that sh!t from her.
you'll just have to completely stop talking to her i guess
either she'll come around or not, but you shouldn't worry about it.
I know
but difficult when we have to speak daily regarding work.
Hmm.
I think it's fair to hope to be friends with someone you were with for a reasonably short-term relationship, but not after six years of being together.
Lower your expectations. Then if she stops being a cow, it's an added bonus.
Maybe yeah
I just don't get why someone would choose to be so nasty...i'm supposed to sit here and take it......no f**king way.
there's any number of reasons she'd act like that
it sounds defensive to me. maybe there's some guilt about how things played out with you. maybe she's defensive because she isn't with anyone new. maybe she has a whole bunch of stuff she resents you for that you haven't talked about - or maybe she's defensive about things you might resent her for. maybe she's having a hard time moving on, or maybe she's not and thinks you shouldn't be. maybe she's trying to forget all of it and leave it all behind her, and that question makes that less easy.
it's sticky. i'd always avoid asking an ex if they're with someone new... the answer is rarely helpful. i'd rather not know, and if i'm gonna find out, it'll happen when it happens.
I don't think i'll
ever understand it Gen to be honest.
I did nothing wrong, was a great guy, faithful, her cook, cleaner, lover, best friend and then you get treated like that
there's only 2 ways with Ex :
1. never talk to them again
2. kill them.
2 really helps out 1
It's quite beautiful, really.
not really : it helps for :
3. finding nice "girl"friends in jail...
Uuugh god
this thread has actually made me cringe a little bit whilst reading...what would she think if she saw this? she'd be pissing herself!
I don't think she would, no
This is a really tricky situation
what with you working together. Any chance you fancy looking for a new job (or sabotaging her so she gets fired. JOKE)? I reckon it's going to take a lot longer for you to move on whilst you have to see her nearly everyday. I know you prob have loads of questions that you feel you need to ask her, but it might be an idea to hold off for a while.
^agreed on the seeing someone every day bit
that must be pretty grim!
When I split from my ex we didn't see each other for a good 3 months, that made it a lot easier to take that step from having someone always there, to them not. Admittedly, stuff still happened after that, but the gap certainly made things easier.
Girlfriends in different cities FTW!!
then you dont ever have to see them again.
^this
^this
this is why everyone (a few people) split up with partners at the end of uni.... is there any chance you ll be finishing uni soon?
I wish
more people would do it BEFORE going to uni as well.
....I'll get my coat.
Well, i've just been promoted at work
so i'm here now for the forseeable future and so no chance of escape unless she moves on which naturally she wouldn't do ( and I wouldn't ask her to).
I'll admit that I seem to be a bit of a glutton for punishment and wind myself up a lot about what's she doing now?....who's she with? etc etc
that's totally natural
don't be so hard on yourself.
why do people even talk to their exes?
with mine they were gone, not to be spoken to again. makes it easier.
I spent 4 years with mine, when you're that close to someone for that long
you can't really go to not caring about someone, even if it's just the odd text every few weeks, it's nice to see how she's getting along.
I think that's all well and good
til you meet someone else. They're going to find it difficult to cope with you being close to such a serious ex.
Well, well, well
so I have just received an email from a girl (who is a mate of an ex...not the last one)...asking mw if I want to go out for a drink...YEAH!.....talk about timing!
I have met others
it doesn't seem to bother them.. I keep my ex and my lovelife separate, I live a 3hr drive away so it's not like we bump into each other.
how can you keep your ex
and your lovelife separate if you get into a serious relationship?
Becasue you no longer
love your ex in that way?
Its quite easy. I've had my ex meet new girlfriends and its all been fine.
this isn't keeping your ex and lovelife
separate though is it. This is bringing them together. What I meant is you can't really keep them separate if you want to avoid trouble.
One of my ex's is one of my very best friends. I was even a witness at his wedding.
Apologies
I read that differently. However... its not keeping your ex and current squeeze seperate, but it is keeping them and your lovelife seperate (e.g: the ex is no more involved in your lovelife than any friend would be)
Same here
a couple of my Ex's also got on really well....that said one of them became a lesb!an so maybe the GF at the time didn't see her as a threat anymore......
i find it weirder
to be with someone who has a lot of hostility towards their ex. it makes me slightly worried.
i stayed really good friends with my ex after we broke up (another 4 year relationship), and two years later he died from leukemia. i am so glad that he was still a part of my life, and that i was a part of his.
yes im in the lets both 'fuck off and die' camp
My thesis before I get the fuck out of here today.
Hmmm... It's difficult to stay friends with an ex. I personally would like to kill pretty much all of them except one (the long term six year one) because it really is an aghast reminder to myself of my exceptionally bad and immature judgement on people as I seemed to have 'selected' the scum of the earth who had no backbone, moral, integrity, strength of character, honesty, humility or levels of dignity...
Anyways.
I do sometimes speak to my ex of six years because we are still finalising legalities and closure on things together, but apart from that, we just grew apart and have little in common with each other except an inherant understanding of each others' character and fondness of having six years of tearing up the world together... that's about it. It's like speaking to a relative you dont' speak to much anymore... but are always happy to catch up with. We talk about thrice a year now, I think... I was quite sick recently and he happened to call me up just before work to talk business and it was lovely to hear from him. But then again, not many people I know understand this and in fact, some guys I've gone out with later have felt threatened by this... which I kind of understand as I would probably feel a bit creeped out if someone I was with was still talking fondly of their ex - in a very platonic way, I can assure you (and I kept my chatter to a minimum about exes anyway - I dont' kiss and tell). But in this case, no one fucked anyone around, or cheated, or ripped people off for money. It was a breakdown of the relationship - pure and simple - with no retrieval mechanism invented to mankind at that point.
However, he still pisses me off and I could utter one or two key words which I know for a fact would set him off within seconds (tried and tested) and vice versa. Nothing is perfect!
So - it sounds to me like working at the same place is the main problem. There is no way that you aren't going to feel emotional seeing that person every day. It's actually stopping you from moving on. In a big way. Can you look at a desk move or something? I am sure if you spoke to your manager they would understand this.
Also, stop trying to feel validated by going out with someone. Honestly - there is nothing more unnattractive than a guy jumping from relationship to relationship because they are 'lonely'. Christ. Everyone gets lonely at times. Once you are over the hardcore grieving (and you are still in it, my friend) you will feel a whole lot differently. Keep yourself busy. Allow yourself time. Do not - I repeat DO NOT get into another relationship as that is asking for disaster and very unfair to the other person too. Give yourself time to grow and heal.
I've had my heart trampled twice, consecutively, very badly to the point where I had near breakdowns over it. Really badly. Very very badly. And I'm coming through it slowly even at my ripe old age. You need to allow yourself time in this instance... and stop talking to her. Keep busy. Come and hang out with some of us! Do things that make you happy and try to keep off the destructive path, even though it's essential for awhile... It's all quite new with you still... just take it easy and remember to breath. Literally.
xx
Ta for that
well, I know what you are saying but moving desks and not talking to each other is simply not an option, so I have to get on with it sadly.