Does this actually work as a way to ask girls out on dates (in appropriate circumstances where they've done something you could feasibly be thanking them for, obviously).
I reckon I could feasibly have an excuse to say this to someone over the next week or two. But would it just sound corny?
depends how you position it
depends what they did for you?
it does depend,
but it would work in most cases, it would with me at least, unless I for some reason hated you/the person asking obviously.
She definitely doesn't hate me.
I mean I've no idea whether or not she actually likes me in the same way that I'm starting to like her but, unless she's very friendly to everyone in general, I'm at least 95% sure she likes me as a person.
Some people are just friendly.
HI!
Hi!
Well I know they are. And she seems a friendly person in general so I'm not counting my chickens but I definitely get the sense she's pleased enough to see me when she sees me (and, for example, makes an effort to say goodbye to me when she's leaving every night).
So obviously it could just be her being friendly but I get the feeling she's more friendly to me than she necessarily would be to other people so, whilst I know that certainly doesn't necessarily mean she fancies me, it probably means nothing bad would come out of inviting her for a drink.
Sounds promising.
Do it!
yeah I just read your post below
and I say GO FOR IT.
All they did was listened to me about a problem I've had at work this me
and just given me a bit of advice on it and reassured me a bit and generally taken an interest in how it's going and made me feel a bit better about it all.
It should all be sorted out by this time next week and, as she knows I've got a meeting about it Thursday, I imagine she'll ask how it went and, if it's sorted by then, I could then feasibly thank her and ask her.
yeah sounds good
do it
this could work
it's not that direct but think you'll get the message across if she's slightly perceptive.
Depends.
If you have a very strong mortal fear of rejection, suggesting lunch might be better.
I can cope with rejection.
It's when girls say "yes" to me I start to freak out...
Paul, invite her to your gig
and tell her to listen hard to the lyrics.
that'll be sure to impress her
:D
She was asking me if I had any gigs coming up the other week. I decided best course of action was to deflect the question 'til she knows me a bit better...
Playing hard to get huh?
No. Don't play games. Only play if you're a player.
I really wasn't playing hard to get
I'm just aware I've got an unusual choice in lyrical subject matter and performance style and my voice is an acquired taste and that, as I don't know her music taste, coming to one of my gigs might put her off me for life...
If she doesn't like you warts and all
then that's her tough luck babe. The worst thing you can possibly do is pretend to be someone you're not. Let her fall in lust with the real you :D
Good point.
To be honest I probably would have invited to the gig if it had occurred to me at the time that her asking "so, have you got any gigs coming up?" might have been a good moment to invite her to a gig. As it was I just said something like "yeah, a couple" and moved the conversation on.
I'm an idiot sometimes.
This is why email was invented.
You send a coy email saying 'oh, you were asking about gigs, here's some forthcoming dates'.
Yes?
Don't ask me to be your bridesmaid though. I look crap in taffeta :)
I might try and slip my birthday thing into conversation...
Please note "birthday thing" isn't the slang term I use for my penis.
Will you be wearing your Birthday suit to it though?
;-)
*teflon
i'm trying my hardest to think of a gag
involving the potential of her in the future calling you "doctor"...nope...can't phrase one...nope
The weird thing is she's almost finished a PhD
and is training to be a psychologist so she actually soon will be a doctor twice over...
maybe you could write a song called something like "psychoanalyse me" for her
in your usual inimitable style. that'll get you somewhere, i'm sure
It'd get me psycholanalysed...
can you not just ask her out because you want to...
pretending its for some other reason IS corny
I could but I'm rubbish at such things
and can't bring the conversation round to it in an appropriate manner.
Plus given the fact we have to work together for the next six months I'd sooner not put her in an awkward position so if we can manage to have the entire conversation via the medium of subtext it seems like a good option...
i dont think it needs to be an akward thing asking soemone out for a drink
especially if you dont know them so well
That's cos you're not as inept as I am.
I'm not saying it needs to be awkward. Just that it probably will be if I do it...
thats fair enough
if you feel awkward about it... you shouldnt though :)
"a bite to eat" or "some lunch" sounds less daunting, i think.
and less like you're after the contents of her pants. I've always assumed that going out earlier will make a woman think you won't get drunk and try and get your leg over. Very naive. Even if it's a someone i'm more familiar with or it's later i'd make sure i snook something like "I've got to be up early" or "I'm feeling a bit tired so we best make it only a couple" to coax them into it. If they think i'm attractive after a couple of crafty doubles then that's their fault.
I was gonna suggest going straight from work
with a kind of "post-work drink or two in the early evening" implication to the question for this precise reason.
Just make sure it's a pub people from work don't frequent.
Else it'll just turn into a work thing and your chances of giving her the sausage will dwindle. Is she a looker?
If I didn't fancy her this thread would never have happened...
Certainly I find her attractive. You can never tell what other people'll think of someone but I'd personally say so.
...
If you ask her out for lunch casually, it should be okay. Just let things naturally develop. Friends have lunch together all the time, and there's less likelihood of alcohol, which is a good thing, as there's less chance you or her will do something you regret.
If you're sure she likes you as a person already, then you've done half the work.
^ MTFU
Alcohol. Buy alcohol. When she asks for a single she's being polite, she relly wants a double.
:D
There is also that option.
On second thoughts, it's probably the better option too.
^listen to this man. It's the quickest and easiest way to seduce someone, and I need to try it myself sometime :|
You're making the mistake
of assuming that all Paul is after is a quick shag.
I'd like to defend his honour and say he is not.
This is not the best way to work it. Any woman with her wits about her will run a mile at a guy trying to get her wasted.
Gently wooing is the way to go if you want something more than just a shag.
Also, I wouldn't listen to the advice of a self-confessed compulsive liar (twee_loser). Sorry, but I just wouldn't.
Okay,
well he can take whichever advice suits him best.
If he's anything like me, he'll do what I originally posted, and do it WELL.
You're advice isn't bad
but I'm aware that it carries with it the risk of her thinking I'm only asking her as a friend.
Which increases the chances of her saying yes but also risks me getting in the situation that I know I'm inevitably going to get into anyway 'cos I always do but would much rather avoid.
There is that risk, yeah.
I fall into that trap all the time, and get too rooted in the "friend" zone.
Just make sure you ask her in a way that hints at something more than friendship.
mirri can i take you for a drink to say thanks
:)
sure you can, lovely
as long as my boyfriend can join us?
It's striking the balance really.
On the one hand I am after something more than a quick shag. I genuinely like her a person and enjoy spending time around her and, whilst you never really know how you get on with someone 'til you spend a while somewhere where it's just them and you, would like to try and get to know her and get some idea of whether some kind of relationship could develop.
On the other hand I'm very mindful that my usual mistake is not being clear enough with girls in terms of what I'm after so I frequently end up casting myself in the 'friend' role.
And, whilst if it turned out we didn't really have enough of a spark for a relationship I'd probably like to see her socially as a friend, I'm very keen not to put end up (once again) seeing someone as a friend when I'd like something more than she does.
So it's sort of how to strike the balance between asking someone out in a friendly, non-overly pressurising and non-awkward way but whilst still managing to be clear that I am actually asking our out...
I don't think he's just after a quick shag at all.
I think ideally he'd get several, or providing he was up to it just one really mammoth one.
Self-confessed compulsive liar? Really?
Thing is even if someone does confess to being a compulsive liar
how can you possibly believe them?
Lunch
Go for lunch if you're really that worried about her response. x
As I say the response doesn't worry me
just my complete inability to find a context to raise the question...
i'd suggest leaving her with an open question rather than asking her straight.
or wait until she asks what your plans are.
Nah
Some people just don't ask questions unless they know exactly what they want. I reckon you should ask her at the end-of-a-day and affect that suitably tired-but-excited end of the day thing: basically I'd like a relaxing drink and I've probably got plans afterwards but yeah...want to go for one...
Like I said, lunch is probably better, 'cos it would be hard to say no. Who doesn't do lunch? A hour comes just under the threshold of discomfort (if it becomes clear you don't have much in common)
just ask her out directly
Your excuse is that you want to. I know it's very difficult and scary--I'm the world's biggest coward, myself--but you'll be glad you did. It's hell while you're doing it, but it feels great afterwards.
unless she says no
but she wont. probably.
my girlfriend
once used about the same line on a popstar. not in a hussy way. just in a 'oh, you really helped me out with stuff and that was cool of you' way. and they have had drinks since. not in an untoward way. so i guess the conclusion for you is, erm, no. don't. you will end up having a few nights drunk in a bar, but with friends (including their boy/girlfriend) and it will all end in a drunken ouch my head hurts a little.
so, take from that what you will.
you make
your girlfriend sound a bit desperate. that's pretty harsh...though i don't know the circumstances. care to elaborate?
work
and such. all is well. i think...
I only persuaded my current girlfriend to come out with me
after a stinking drunk night out where I (unintentionally) treated her like shit.
My escapades included (but were not limited to) trapping her in conversation about my three favourite Coventry matches of all time, accidentally elbowing her in the face, offering her a drink at the club before realising I didn't have any money and making her buy both our drinks, subsequently spilling said pint over her chest, and finally taking her to Kebab Kid and inadvertently stealing £30 off her after mistaking her request for me to get her something as an excuse to get myself a doner and chips and pocket the change.
After that, I not only had a good excuse to take her out to apologise, but there were also over 30 reasons for her to go with it. It wasn't until I took her to Coventry vs West Ham in the Carling Cup that we officially got together, but it was definitely a start. So that's my advice - ritual abuse and Coventry City.
Oh yeah
If you don't know whether to go for lunch, or to the pub, then a pub lunch is quite obviously the way forward. Has there ever been a better conjunction of two already-awesome words than pub lunch?
I think
one can over analyse these things. If you both like each other it doesn't matter how you first ask her out. Likewise it doesn't matter what you do. What will be will beand all that jazz...
I'd go for it
You've got a reason to do so, so I don't think it'd come across as odd or anything. Worst case scenario- she says no. Better case- you've got yourself a date of sorts! From the thread she obviously feels comfortable with you... so go for it.