After all the conjecture back and forth, it’s good to finally have someone wade in and take the situation by the scruff of the neck, because, let’s face it, hip-hop and Glastonbury make about as much sense as mixed-race marriages and that outré Aerosmith/Run DMC collaboration.

Oasis’ Noel Gallagher: “If it ain't broke don't fix it. If you start to break it then people aren't going to go. I'm sorry, but Jay-Z? No chance.”

No fookin’ chance mate. There goes Kylie Minogue, barely scraping it into Gallagher’s corridor of comprehension.

"Glastonbury has a tradition of guitar music,” spluttered the ape, “and even when they throw the odd curve ball in on a Sunday night you go 'Kylie Minogue?'”

Yeah, well random!

"I don't know about it. But I'm not having hip-hop at Glastonbury. It's wrong."

Imagine there’s no heaven… in other news Gallagher hates the O2 Arena – “soul destroying… too Americanised for me, and it's too far away. Any gig you can get to by boat that hasn't got a beach is wrong… much to our manager and agent's disappointment, we came back and said we would never play there.”

Instead, they’ll have to “do 640 nights at Earl's Court,” which Arctic Monkeys could never hope to achieve.

“We'll be bigger than them in terms of ticket sales, but they'll probably sell slightly more records than us,” Gallagher said when asked if Alex Turner’s crew had taken Oasis’s mantle as the biggest band in Britian.

"But then again, they've got about 20 years on us. So see where they are in 2089, or whenever it is they'll be my age."

The new Oasis album is finished, though it’s as yet untitled and the band haven’t found a label to release it. The first single will be “four-and-a-half minutes long”.