but what do you want us to say?

but i dont know if i agree. I mean im still as close to my nan as i was when i was younger, perhaps more so. although im away for uni i dont see her as often but she still texts me and things :)

my grandfather died the other week, i wasn't close to him at all, and couldn't go to the funeral as i flew back to munich the day before. i felt awful not being sad about it, and i used to know him, but i haven't seen him in about 6 or so years. i wanted to be there for my mum, because it was hard for her; he basically disowned her last year when my grandmother had a stroke (nobody told her until days after it happened). tough situation, but from what she said she coped quite well.

after that, i really have a negative view of him, and i guess i can relate to your thoughts because had he died when i still knew him, and before he had essentially split my mother's side of the family apart, i would also have quite fond memories. well; better at least. he was never a lovable man but we used to have a little fun.

I was really torn up about it because...well, we were close in some ways.

I wrote a personal reflective about her death when I was 16 and actually made several people cry when reading it...:(

my other grannie died a few weeks ago but she wasn't a warm person so I was genuinely unmoved by her death, I barely knew her.

it's strange the difference in reactions over these two deaths.

im up to the bit in moab is my washpot where stephen fry talks about emotions and how british culture dictates that your emotive response should be in relation to how you feel rather than the kind of occasion and what you think it warrants. Pretty interesting although not entirely relevant.

was not a blood relative. She was my granny's step mum but everyone called her 'great gran', because my granny's real mother died when she was 3.

I guess I was just reflecting on how sad her very very very slow deteriation was. She was a very intelligent, beautiful woman, and she spent the last few years of her life in a home where she basically had no idea what was going on.

well one of them, and I wasn't particularly close to her, and I wasn't really upset at all. I just remember saying "Oh that's a shame" to my mum when she told me, as we were getting ice lollies out of the freezer. Am I an awful person?

all your guys' losses. the way you feel is totally understandable. so when i say this i dont want to in any way belittle your experiences. but, as someone who lost their mother, i find the passing of grandparents decidedly un-sad. i see it as something that happens. old people pass away and they go somewhere else. its totally natural and i think, sometimes a relief for the grandma/pa in question. i almost see dying for grandparents as a happy thing (for them at least)

this is just my opinion. i hope no one takes offence

My Grandad died when I was about 10, and even though he lived in the next village, I never really knew him, due to my Nan being a horrible woman indeed. So I was sad when he died, but I didn't feel real grief, but the sadness was probably because I never really knew him.

I can only remember seeing him two times, once when I was a kid, and once when I went round their house to get an encyclopaedia or something silly. Even when I was a kid he was just my mum's dad to me, I never knew him as grandad...

a part of me was seriously taken from me. I have never been the same i do not think. A big part of what a person needs to grow up was taken frome me and i'm a different person because of that. I cherish every memory i have of him and cannot remember a bad one with him either.

Or at least, I think I do.

My granddad died when I was seven, and at the time he and I were really close, as far as I remember. Exactly as you said, were he still alive now I doubt we'd be have half the connection. From the bits and pieces of my memories I can slot together and from what I've been told he was a wonderful man so, had he lived longer, I'm sure I would still have taken away the same lovely memories-and more. As I've got older I find I've drifted increasingly from the rest of my family, though, so sadly I feel as though that may too have happened with him.

That was my Gran, when i was twelve, and obviously it hurt a lot, but things get easier, and i appreciate that people saying such things at the time can seem pedantic, but it's true. You reach a point where instead of it upsetting you, the thought of them brings a wry smile to your face. When people do pass away you're essentially crying for yourself, which someone once tried explaining to me was pretty selfish, and only now can i appreciate that.

on my mum's side died when I was 15. She had lived with us for quite a while and I had a lot of affection for her, but when she died I felt sad for a while but I didn't experience what you'd call grief. I'm still not sure why. It's weird.