I’m super tired of walking the long way around to the toilet, not being able to make coffee or take lunch when I want to… and having to wait until 5.15 until I can go home. I’ve done this everyday for the last 9 months all because I have a huge/irrational crush on this girl at work. I have to avoid her all day because when we occasionally walk past each other I’m convinced that I’ll do something absolutely unforgivable*.
Anyway, I think I really want to go on a date with her… I think she’s pretty but I’ve actually only looked her in the eye once or twice the rest of time I just look at the floor etc… but she always wears pretty coats and shoes. I hate the idea of hitting on somebody at work… and I don’t even know anything about her… well according to Facebook she is Welsh… and I accidentally kinda followed her home one time.. so I know where she lives… and in moment of total weakness I opened up the payroll file to check how much she gets paid.
I just really want to ask her out on a date but it’s impossible to initiate any kind of contact without coming across as weird or face disciplinary procedures. I hoped I just bump into her in a bar but it hasn’t happened and I’m too impatient to wait any longer.
A few months ago I emailed her on a Friday afternoon to ask if she wanted anything from the vending machine. Then I was going to go up to her workstation and say, Hi Kate, they’ve sold out of Malteasers so I got you these. (I’d blew £3.99 on chocolates at the BP Garage opposite work). I/my friend Dale, thought this would totally “work”…. but she replied with…
“Oh thank you, that’s really nice but I have to go home soon!”
This was February 15th… we haven’t spoke since.
Please can everyone come up with ideas on how I can ask her out?
Thank you. X-
You shouldn't ask her out
Otherwise you might breed.
bus stop thread all over again
MTFU
But so much worse
I assumed it impossible but DiS keeps dredging them up.
This blates ain't real
I'm going home now and I'll be back online 8ish tomorrow morning. All the do the right thing and make sure this is gone when I get back please
Was there a conclusion
to that unfortunate episode?
MTFU?
take the hint
“Oh thank you, that’s really nice but I have to go home soon!” *RUNS AWAY*
Lie on the floor and flash your boxers while playing the keyboard
*ballsack
funniest thing I've read all day.
.
SATIRE
I live in hope
^
it did make me laugh... but now i'm worried it's forreal as no one else seems to be laughing??
oh come on man
come on, you're letting us all down.
Someone call the police!
Errrr.....MTFU.
Seriously though, emailing some chick you don't actually know to ask her if she wants anything from the vending machine?
I know we live in an information age, but that's totally fucked buddy. Just go and chat to her, you won't get disciplined for asking her out.
You'll only get disciplined if you ask her her out, she blows you out and you repeat the question once every hour until your demands are met, failing which you take her hostage in the stationery cupboard and violate her with an aptly named Rapesco stapler.
*Bit more info on the unforgivable thing
would brighten this thread/day up
Have you seen Brasseye?
I think it's similar to the problem that senator has.
If you'd emailed her the day before
It would have looked like a Valentines Day gesture. Offering her chocolates a day later is a bit like saying "Yeah, so, I got them on offer now they're out of date"
Got to say, this bit scared me: "and I accidentally kinda followed her home one time.. so I know where she lives…"
Honesty is the best policy. Try the devastatingly bold chat up line of: "I like your coat / Fancy a drink? / Do you post on DiS" How could it fail?
Wear a smoking jacket and nothing else.
If she says no, smash the place up.
^especially the last line
Before you smash the place up
Staple your ear to the desk using your trusty Rapesco then, rip it off and do a jig in her direction shouting, 'Go on, drink some of my ear blood, blud.'
Seriously man she probably laughs about you with her friends on the phone
"yeah can you believe he emailed me to ask me if I wanted malteasers? If that wasn't bad enough, he went out and bought an actual box of chocolates instead. Yeah I know maybe he's got aspergers or something I better let him down gently."
Women are dicks.
Leave us aspies alone mate ...
... I'll have you know we make excellent and ultra- attentive lovers.
But also creepy stalkers, apparently.
Some call it stalking ...
I call it directed walking.
worrying..
"I accidentally kinda followed her home one time.."
"I opened up the payroll file to check how much she gets paid"
do you really want to go out with her or are you happy with the stalking side of things ?
Its like the time that guy
accidentally repeatedly raped a kid that time. It might not be your fault, but its WRONG.
Wait til she leaves her desk
and goes to the water cooler/kitchen/photocopier, say hello...
Speak to her a bit, build up a rapport over a few days then ask her if she fancies a drink after work one day?
Not too hard is it?
Unless you've got a creepy voice or a weird face that is/
Or just ask her out first time
no need for any kind of "rapport", he's done enough stalking.
seriously though
either
a) ask her out straight off
b) make some effort to get to know her, or
c) leave it
nobody likes a schemer. imagine that someone posted this about you.
If I saw this written about me it'd be a bit of an ego boost.
The payroll bit'd freak me out and I'd find the person involved a bit overly-keen but it'd boost my ego...
Oh yeah
the following home'd freak me out too...
no but who would date their stalker?
(i'm sure there's a celeb who has, but you know, in general)
He could always
ask her where he should start with the Fall, that would break the ice.
I'm not denying that you wouldn't want to date a stalker
Merely stating that if I saw someone posting a thread on the internet about a secret crush on me then, whilst I'd be freaked out, I can't deny it'd on some level make my day...
Surely it would depend
who that person was? There are plenty of people i'd rather not know were following me and potentially going to stab and kill me one day...
That woman from Abba dated hers, didn't she?
<3
So...
how much does she earn?
If you don't have the courage to talk to her
then you don't deserve her
Go for someone a little bit more rubbish
on your level who doesn't intimidate you so much. Aim a bit lower because I really don't think you're good enough
There is a hot girl that sits next to me at work.
I fancy her. But I am happily in a long term relationship. She knows that everyone at work perves on her. I mentioned to her about it a few weeks ago and now we share a good old laugh when I point out the old men letchering over her.
My point is this. If you can't ask her out, you don't deserve her. Ask her out, and you have passed the first test. No?
MTFU.
Ha
She thinks you're gay
It is possible
and not exactly the end of the world.
jebus h christ
it might be an idea to occasionally look her in the eye, smile at her and say hello to her. If needs be look slightly longer than necessary to give the impression that you find her attractive. If you bump into her in the lift/whilst making tea then make light, friendly conversation. Get to know her a bit
in other words:MTFFUYFIITNOATFHFFS
erm....
"well according to Facebook she is Welsh… and I accidentally kinda followed her home one time.. so I know where she lives… and in moment of total weakness I opened up the payroll file to check how much she gets paid"
Mate, I'd be worried that you're a bit fucking mental!! Stop stalking her and just ask her out. Soon. Otherwise you'll end up sniffing her seat and going through her rubbish!!
^ EXPERT ^
Your seat smells divine.
Seat sniffing is a
victimless crime.
and i was trying to figure out why everyone good is leaving
this is my reason.
STOP BEING A STUPID TWAT, GROW A PAIR, LOOK HER IN THE EYE, TALK TO HER! IF IT'S NOT GOING WELL DON'T ASK HER OUT TO SAVE EMBARRASSMENT AND TIME AND EFFORT!!!
now get the fuck out of my life.
Charm her with your blowfish
^ 8/10
if you are not having a laugh and are serious
then I would advise you to give up totally on her, even if it worked out then you would have to be keeping a secret from your gf that would probably make her mad - looking at her payroll, that is a bad thing to do.
Not to mention the other spooky things you've done.
By the way, WHy? were you curious about her pay, i could understand wanting to know other personal info but thats a bit clinical and odd (or just too monitarist)
basically, he's a mental.
This might be helpful after this thread too:
www.samaritans.org/
are you 12??
for god's sake man pull yourself together. She's not an alien.
there's no point 'asking her out' when she barely knows you. how about starting with a bit more basic interaction? some friendly conversation (not to mention eye contact) will be more helpful than just lurking around and then blurting out a date invite.
you're putting her up on a pedastal when you don't even know if you'll like her! that's just asking for disappointment.
You are fierce!
Blow me down with a feather.
Don't worry
your obsession will wane very quickly when you speak to her properly for the first time and she talks about nothing but cats, and how she prefers to spend time sewing than with people. Go for it!
this is very likely true
she's probably a complete muppet
" she talks about nothing but cats"
where can i meet this girl?
.
dear hootie
i fucking love you
sincerely...
...
Well there's nothing I can do
I only wanna be with you
You can call me your fool
Only wanna be with you
when her mutilated corpse is found
your post will be used as exhibit a in the trial
As much of a stupid cliche as it is
you just have to be yourself.
Just try and start up any type of relevant conversation. See what her sense of humour is, try and make her laugh. Don't do anything stupid, but more importantly don't be afraid of doing anythin stupid. And try to look her in the eyes.
Tbh you should be able to tell whether she is interested or not, and then take it from there.
YOU MASSIVE FUCKING WEIRDO
HOOTIE
I can't believe how many serious replies I've had.
This has got to be fake.
*this has had. Christ! A bad place for a slip if ever there was one...
Wow hoe there fella.
Now I may be 24, skinny, have slightly uncontrollable hair and have vague desires to live in Oxford,
but other than all those things, I am nothing at all like him.
adam you big joke
why don't you ask your friends these questions instead of the internet strangers?
xs
err...just ask?
the worst scenario...
she says no...
your world ends...
you move to new company that homes WORKSTATIONS...(whatever that means...)
with new hotties to stalk...
xxx
I hope this is a wind-up
cos surely no-one could be that bad with girls?
if it ISN'T a joke,
then just ask her out.
Is it very wrong
that I found this to be quite sweet?
^ She stalks stalkers.
^ truth
you're the Dexter of the stalking world
Dexter who?
:(
a serial killer who kills other serial killers
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dexter_%28TV_series%29
aussm.
stop
being a woman. The main reason women are allowed in the workplace is so we can hit on them. I'm in love/lust/something with a girl at work, she's gorgeous, she looks like something out of a classic 50's movie, absolutely stunning, perfect body, really funny etc etc, but none of the other lads seem that interested. She has to walk past me to get to her desk and she regularly catches me having a quick ogle of her fantastic breasts. In three months i've spoke to her once, when she asked if anyone was sat in the chair opposite me in the canteen. I meant to say 'No, take it' and then bounce into some sort of conversation, but i ended up just grunting at her really loudly, leaving and sitting in the toilet for twenty minutes with my head in my hands.
stop
being a woman.
which then made her think
you were chopping a massive one off in the loo.
And I thought I had girl problems.
I feel better now, although I'm not even sure this is a serious thread.
In the case of this thread actually being serious please just ask her straight out, it's gone on long enough. Either that or just accept that you're not going to get anywhere and move on. I know how difficult it can be, so I understand.
Oh Hai!
Why is this thread still here?! I specifically requested someone made it go away