Zapp Brannigan: Captain's journal. Stardate…uh…
Kif: April thirteenth.
Zapp Brannigan: April thirteenth…point two. We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? Kif, I'm asking you a question!

...oh I'm sorry, you're crying, like a woman'

I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies.

Yes, comets! The icebergs of the sky, By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed, we might just get some kinda gravity boost.....Or something

"In the game of chess you can never let your opponent see your pieces"

"We don't know anything about their language, their history or what they look like. But we can assume this: they stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks!"

This time we are sure she's a woman, right?

Cheers

Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

then the following day he blows up a $40 billion space station, and the next day he has nothing. It really makes you think."

but the flesh is spongy, and bruised.

Zapp: A sexy mistake.

"The quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in."

"You see, Killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them, until they reached their limit and shut down."

though better than The Simpsons I suppose (the last few seasons anyway)

shapely, seductive. I'm gonna fly her brains out.

Sex-lexia!

but she handles like a bistro."

Brannigan: “It’s a desolate ugly little planet, with absolutely no natural resources, or strategic value. Questions?”
Soldier: “Why is this godforsaken planet worth dying for?”
Brannigan: “Don’t ask me, you’re the one who is going to be dying.”

Zapp Brannigan: The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep.
Fry: You mean while I'm sleeping in it?
Zapp Brannigan: You won't have time for sleeping soldier, not with all the bed making you'll be doing.

"You know, boys, a good captain needs abilities like boldness, daring and a good velour uniform, and I'm not convinced Leela has ANY of those things."

I hate these filthy neutrals, Kif! With enemies, you know where they stand, but with neutrals—who knows. It sickens me.

Teenagers smoke, and they seem pretty on the ball.

Zapp Brannigan: Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine mesh screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all.

Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on, show me something. Anything. Seriously, I'd take an armpit.