people doing exactly what you just described.

Seems to always be in really dramatic threads.

hear some people straining to resist the urge to do it.

Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An CeiliGenesis 16
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

[edit] Gud things happens soon, k?

1 Sarai no can has kittehs. She can has Jippshun bukkit holdr Hagar.2 Sarai sez to Abe, "Teh Ceiling Car sez I no can haz kittehs. Maybe Hagar can haz kittehs. Make kittehs with Hagar."

3 Abram said kthanxbye.4 10 yrz laterz, no srsly, he made kittehz wit Hagar. Hagar got babeez in her and got sasseh.5 Sarai gotted madz at Abram. She sed, "yr fawlt I is not happy. You and my bukkit holdr made kittehs and kittehs made her sasseh. The Invisible Man sez hooz rite.

6 Abe sed, "Shez YR bukkit holdr. No srsly." So Sarai took Hagarz cheezeburgerz from her and Hagar ran.

7 The Ceiling Carz Ceiling Cat saw Hagar in the sandbox. Fer real.8 He sed, "Where from, where to" "I is hiding frm Sarai."

9 Ceiling Cat sed, "yr her bukkit holder, go hold her bukkit."10 "I'll make you get lots and lots of kittehs."

11 Ceiling Cat spokes-kitteh sais to her:

"U now Pregnantz
U will has boi kitteh
Ishmael is gud name 4 him,
Ceiling Cat heard your meow'n"

12 Kitteh will B crazy kitteh donkeh;

his paws touchy feely
but seckseh bod everyone touch
he is always angry
to his kitteh brothers

13 She sais to Ceiling Cat "Ishmael = hiz name", He sais "U seez me", she sais "U sees me I sees U"14 Tis why teh water hole iz named Beer Lahi Roi, still der, always will be.

15 So Hagar (not Sammy) made Abram a son because of secks, Abram naimd kitteh Ishmael16 Abram was really old when Hagar haz kittens.

ng Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1

6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.

9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urth and waters oshun. Iz good.

11 An Ceiling Cat sayed, DO WANT grass! so tehr wuz seedz An stufs, An fruitzors An vegbatels. An a Corm. It happen.12 An Ceiling Cat sawed that weedz ish good, so, letz there be weedz.13 An so teh threeth day jazzhands.

14 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has lightz in the skiez for splittin day An no day.15 It happen, lights everwear, like christmass, srsly.16 An Ceiling Cat doeth two grate lightz, teh most big for day, teh other for no day.17 An Ceiling Cat screw tehm on skiez, with big nails An stuff, to lite teh Urfs.18 An tehy rulez day An night. Ceiling Cat sawed. Iz good.19 An so teh furth day w00t.

20 An Ceiling Cat sayed, waterz bring me phishes, An burds, so kittehs can eat dem. But Ceiling Cat no eated dem.21 An Ceiling Cat maed big fishies An see monstrs, which wuz like big cows, except they no mood, An other stuffs dat mooves, An Ceiling Cat sawed iz good.22 An Ceiling Cat sed O hai, make bebehs kthx. An dont worry i wont watch u secksy, i not that kynd uf kitteh.23 An so teh...fith day. Ceiling Cat taek a wile 2 cawnt.

24 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has MOAR living stuff, mooes, An creepie tings, An otehr aminals. It happen so tehre.25 An Ceiling Cat doed moar living stuff, mooes, An creepies, An otehr animuls, An did not eated tehm.

26 An Ceiling Cat sayed, letz us do peeps like uz, becuz we ish teh qte, An let min p0wnz0r becuz tehy has can openers.

27 So Ceiling Cat createded teh peeps taht waz like him, can has can openers he maed tehm, min An womin wuz maeded, but he did not eated tehm.

28 An Ceiling Cat sed them O hai maek bebehs kthx, An p0wn teh waterz, no waterz An teh firmmint, An evry stufs.

29 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, the Urfs, I has it, An I has not eated it.30 For evry createded stufs tehre are the fuudz, to the burdies, teh creepiez, An teh mooes, so tehre. It happen. Iz good.

31 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. kthxbai.

1 An teh skyz An teh Urth were finishd, An all teh stufz in dem An Ceiling Cat was liek all tired An stuff. 2 An on teh 7th dai Ceiling Cat got done makingks all dat stuf; An he restd on teh 7th dai cuz he was pooped fum all dat wrking An not liek havng teh holiez. An he not get payd ovrtym either.3 Ceiling Cat blesd teh 7th dai, An sed itz teh h0liez0rz; cuz dats when he restd fum all his werk which Ceiling Cat had creatd An made. Yay Caturday!
[edit] Adam An Eve

4 Iz how teh skyz An Urfs were made, wen Ceiling Cat pwnd.

5 Urfs no can has plantz n treez n catnipz yet, cuz Ceiling Cat no can maek rainz, but iz ok for kittehs DUNT LYKEZ wetfurz. An ther wuznt ne man 2 mek farmz An stuff; cuz teh clouds were all happie An didnt feel like cryin, wich wuz ok to cuz umbrellaz wuznt inventd yet.
Ceiling cat makes rain, but decides it was a bad idea.
Ceiling cat makes rain, but decides it was a bad idea.

6 But teh fogz caem in liek in Frisco An waterd teh ground so teh plantz wud be ok wen Ceiling Cat madez dem.7 An Ceiling Cat madez man out ov teh flore dust, An breathd into his nawstrils teh bref ov lyff, wich was sorta liek doin cpr on a mudpie, but it was ALYV d00d man (v.0.8?) so it wuz all g00d.

8 An Ceiling Cat plantd garden eastwad, in eden; An ther he put teh man he madez. (i dono how he figurd out it wuz east, cuz ther wuznt any cumpasez yet.)9 An Ceiling Cat madez evry tree dat iz prity, An gud 4 fud; teh tree ov life wuz in teh garden 2, An teh tree ov teh knowledge ov gud An evil. man asked Ceiling Cat 2 makez a cookie tree, An Ceiling Cat made it. but he eated it. (no 1 had thot of cheezburger tree yet.)

10 An a big rivr went out ov eden 2 watr teh garden; An then it splitzd up in2 4 rivrz wth srsly wierd names.11 Teh name ov teh 1th iz pishon (did u sneez? bless u! ): dat one runz around teh whole land ov havilah wich haz a lot ov gold;12 An teh gold ov dat land iz gud (but u cant eatz it): ther iz bdellium An teh onyx stone. (but u cant eatz dat either. An wtf is bdellium?)13 An teh name ov teh 2th rivr iz gihon: dat one runz around teh whole land ov cush wich is vry comfy place.14 An teh name ov teh 3th rivr iz hiddekel: dat one runz in frunt ov Asyria. An teh 4th rivr iz teh euphratez.

15 An Ceiling Cat took teh man, An put him into teh garden ov eden 2 takez care of it cuz Ceiling Cat wuz still pooped and wantedz another dai off.16 An Ceiling Cat sed 2 teh man, ov every tree in teh garden iz ok u eatz:17 But of teh tree of teh knowledge of gud An evil, you not eatz cuz wen u eatz taht tree i 4 sure mek u ded. srsly.

18 An Ceiling Cat said, teh man is alone An dat iz bad; he needz frendz so i will maek him a good help fo him. (i iz good at stuff liek that. srsly. An it will keepz him outta trubble.)

19 An out of teh ground Ceiling Cat madez all teh aminals on teh urf An in teh see, An all teh birds up in sky (An sum liek ostridges who cudnt flyz, just 4 fun). (Ceiling Cat is raely good at makingz mud pies. srsly.) An brought them unto teh man 2 c what he would call them: An what teh man called every living aminal, dat was its naim. (if they didnt like it, tuff tamales, they wuz stuck wif it.)
invisible clothes

20 An teh man gave names 2 all teh aminals, An 2 teh burdies of sky (An to teh onez who cudnt flyz) An teh aminals in teh see, (so they wudnt feel left out), An to every aminal in teh field; but for man wuznt no good helper fo him, not even ne1 to talk 2 in chatroom.21 An Ceiling Cat caused a deep sleep to fall upon teh man, An he slept; An he took 1 of his ribs, cuz it has a flavr. 22 An Ceiling Cat can haz teh rib frum man maded into wimman, but did not eated it cuz he brot her to teh man. He sai O hai, I maded u a man but wifout teh dingy. Have fun, kthxbai. 23 Teh man saiz,

"Dese bonez is my bonez
an dis meatz are my meatz;
I calz her "whoa man", k
cuz she in ur chest taken ur ribs."

24 So man muv out da basement an lives wif da womenz, an be all u can puts your toofbrush nexta mine an I no eats you.

an da manz sez orly
da womenz sez ya rly

25 and teh man and teh woman weared invisible close! Cause dey had teh secksy.

Bad Kittehs

1 Nao teh snakez wuz mor shneakay than any beest ov teh field which Ceiling Cat had made. An he meowed unto teh woman, liek I herd that Ceiling Cat said, u shall not eated frum any tree ov teh garden? Even dem trees on dat plate?

2 An teh woman said unto teh snakez, i can haz froot ov teh garden!3 but ov teh fruit ov teh tree which iz in teh midel ov teh garden, Ceiling Cat sez, dun eatz it cuz if u eatz it he mek u ded.

4 An teh snakez sed unto teh womenz, he no mek u ded:5 4 Ceiling Cat noes dat, teh dai u eat dat froot, den u gon b able to c, An u be liek Ceiling Cat, knowin gud An evil. An dis froot, it has a flavr.

6 An when teh woman saw dat teh tree wuz gud 4 fud with flavr an everything, An dat it wuz cool 2 teh eyez, An dat teh tree wuz 2 b desird 2 make man wise, she nom nom nom its froot; An she gaev sum 2 Adam, An he eated da froot.7 An teh eyez ov them both were opend, An they knew dat their harbls were showin An stuff cuz Ceiling Cat didnt gaev dem no furz liek teh aminals; An they sewd sum fig-leavez togethr, An made themselvez clofs. Eve even maded firs thong but was vry vry itchy. srsly.

8 An they heard teh meow ov Ceiling Cat walkin in teh garden in teh kewl ov teh dai: An teh man An his wife hided themselvez fum Ceiling Cat amongst teh treez ov teh garden.9 An Ceiling Cat calld unto teh man, An meowed unto him, "xqz me, wtf u just eated"?

10 An he said, i heard yo voice in teh garden, An i wuz scareded, because i wuz nakid An stuff; An i hided and did not want 4 u to see mah harbls kthx.

11 An he said, hoo told u dat u was nakid? I waz injoyin watchin you be nakids. hast thou eaten ov teh tree, dat I told u dat iz not ok u eatz ov?

12 An teh man said, teh woman u gave me saw teh tree An told 'bout it to me. At first I was liek "Noes!" but then, I was layk NOM NOM NOM.

13 An Ceiling Cat said unto teh woman, wat did u dun? An teh woman said, teh snakez playdid dirty trick on me, An i eated it.
No srsly.
No srsly.

14 An Ceiling Cat sed unto teh snakez, "cuz u did dis,

cursd u aboov all teh moocows,
An aboov every one of those 4 leggd things that evolvd round here;
upon ur belly u gun walk An I gun take ur legs
An geev them to teh French 2 eatz An this is wut they gun eatz An they gun call it "Frawgs leegz",
An dust shalt u eated
all teh dais ov ur life
An u no getz no cookies to eated. An no cheezburgers neither. Srsly.

15 An im gonna put liek enmity An stuff

tween u An teh woman,
An tween thy seedz An her seedz;
he shall broose ur head,
An u gun broose his heel.

16 Unto teh woman he said,

"im gun make babies hurt alot An cause pain An stuff;
in pain u gun brin forth childrenz.
An ur WANT shall b 2 ur husband,
An he gun pwn u and ask for beers and sammiches."

17 An unto adam he said, because u hast listend to her An hast eated teh tree wut i tellz u U NO EATZ!

"cursd iz teh grawnd cuz of u
An u is b wrkin ur ass off ur hol life
An makin cheezburgers will be vry hard now
srsly.

18 thorns also An thistlez gun it brin forth 2 u;

An u gun eat teh herb ov teh field (but all teh good weedz dat iz liek catnipz 4 peepz is b illegalz An stuff lol);

19 in teh sweatz ov ur face

u gun eat bread An u no can has Gatorade,
till u return unto teh ground like when turds r buried in litterz,
4 out ov it wast thou taken;
4 dust u r,
An dust u gun return."

20 An teh man calld his womenz name eve; cuz she was teh mothr of all livn' and cuz if he nameded her bertha he woulda benn lol all da tyme

21 An Ceiling Cat maded 4 adam An 4 his wife coats ov skeens, An clothid 'em.22 An Ceiling Cat said, behold, teh man iz become as 1 ov us, 2 knoe gud An evil; An nao, lest he put forth his hand, An taek also ov teh tree ov life, An eat, An liv 4 evr mor.23 Ther4 Ceiling Cat sent him forth fum teh garden ov eden, 2 till teh grawnd fum where he wuz took. An it suxxd cuz ther wasnt no uniteded farmwrkar union.24 So he droov out teh man; An he placeded at teh east ov teh garden ov eden teh cherubim An stuff, An teh flaming (lol) sword which turned everywherez

Cain an Abel

1 An teh man told his wife "We gun have kidz" An eve his wife said "PENIS GOES WHERE?" Aftur teh explanashun adam "knews" eve his wife; An she is has teh kid cain, An said, i has gotten man wif teh halp ov Ceiling Cat, but he kinda mean 4 makin' it hert so bad.2 An again she is has his brothr abel. An abel wuz keepr ov teh moocows, but cain wuz farmr and growed much froots and catnips.3 An after awhile cain brought sum ov teh froots ov teh ground 4 an offerin unto Ceiling Cat, cuz he just got off Atkins.4 An abel, he also brought teh first meets ov his moo cows (An ov teh fat of em cuz teh moo cows are on Atkins.) An he made teh 1st cheezburger An gaev it 2 Ceiling Cat.
An Abel gaev to Ceiling Cat his Pokemans. An Ceiling Cat liekd abel An his fudz An his pokemans5 But cain An 2 his offerin he had no liekd. An Ceiling Cat sed, do not want. cuz u didnt makez cookies out ov it, An besiedz u didnt bringz me any catnipz. An cain wuz mad, An got all liek sad An stuff.

6 An Ceiling Cat said unto cain, y is u be so pissed off? An y iz u all liek sad An stuff?7 If u do gud, isn't it gun go up? An if u doest not well, sin croucheth at teh door: it wants to has you, but you hafta maik it go away.

8 An cain told abel his brothr wot happnd. An 1 day when they were out in da field, cain got all up in abels face, An totally pwnzd him.

9 An Ceiling Cat said "cain, where iz abel?"

An cain sed, "i dono. xqz me i iz not camping abel all teh time."

10 An he said, wat u do? teh voice ov thy brothr's blood crieth unto me fum teh ground. (Ceiling Cat haz totally xlnt hearing An stuf.)11 An nao cursd art thou fum teh ground, which hath opend its mouth 2 receiv thy brothr's blood fum thy hand;12 When yous plowen teh urth, it bes all hard an stuffz; fugitiv An wanderr shalt thou b in da urth. An its gonna sux cuz therz no united farmwrkr union yet.

13 An cain said unto Ceiling Cat, meh punishment iz greatr than i can bear.14 Behold, u kickban me from teh urth; An killfiled me; An i has no guild or clan or nothin; an' i'm KOS with everyone, even n00bs will pwnz me.

15 An Ceiling Cat said unto him, therefore whosoevr pwnz cain, i will pwnz him 7x. An Ceiling Cat appointd sign 4 cain, sos no1 findin him should pwnz him.16 An cain went out fum teh presence ov Ceiling Cat, An dwelt in da land ov nod, on teh east ov eden.

17 An cain knew his wife (cuz Adam n Eve haz dortaz hu snz cn marri but I dint tell u yt); An she is has teh kid enoch: An cain buildd city, An calld teh name ov teh city, aftr teh name ov his son, enoch.18 An unto enoch wuz born irad: An irad is has teh kid mehujael: An mehujael is has teh kid methushael; An methushael is has teh kid lamech.

19 An lamech took unto him 2 wivez (c i told u Ceiling Cat cud makez more grrrlz!!!1!): teh name ov teh 1 wuz adah, An teh name ov teh othr zillah.20 An adah is has teh kid jabal: An he An his kidz got to campz out in tents liek it wuz vacayshun but they had to chase after all teh moocows An sheeps an stuff so maybe it wasnt that much fun after all.21 An his brothr's name wuz jubal: An he An his kidz maded all the tunez An stuff An invented the ipod, (wifout lectricity or nuthin, Ceiling Cat waz gettin rael good at doin mirakels).22 An zillah, she also has teh kid tubal-cain, An he An his kidz maded all teh knifes An swordz An razrbladez An other sharp metal stuf: An teh sistr ov tubal-cain wuz naamah.

23 An lamech said unto his wivez,

"adah An zillah, hear meh voice;
ye wivez ov lamech, listenz unto meh speechs.
4 i has pwn3d sum d00d 4 woundin me,
sum young d00d 4 bruisin me:

24 If cain shall b avengd 7x,

truly lamech 77x."

25 An adam knew his wife again; An she is has teh son, An calld his name seth. 4, said she, Ceiling Cat gaev me anothr kid instead ov abel; 4 cain pwnzd him.26 An 2 seth, 2 him also thar wuz born son; An he calld his name enosh. den began men 2 call upon teh name ov Ceiling Cat.

Frum Adam to Noah

1 Dis iz teh book ov teh generashuns ov adam. in da dai dat Ceiling Cat creatd manz, in da likenes ov Ceiling Cat him maked dem but he didnt gaev any furz liek teh moocows so wud has 2 wear cloths An evry1 knoes cats dont liek to wear cloths so that wuz 1 mor mean Ceiling Cat did 2 teh peepz.2 Boi An gurl creatd himz, an givd cheezburgrz, An calld their naim adam (teh peeps who rited this bibel wantz to b raely shur u knowz ther naim, srsly!), in da dai when dey gots creatd.

3 An adam livd 100 An 30 yeers, An maded son in hims own likenes, aftr his luukz; An calld name seth:4 An teh dais ov adam aftr him maded seth waz 800 yeers: An him maded lotsa kidz.5 An all teh dais dat adam livd waz 900 An 30 yeers: An him got ded.

6 An seth livd 100 An 5 yeers, An maded enosh:7 An seth livd aftr him maded enosh 800 An 7 yeers, An maded lotsa kidz:8 An all teh dais ov seth waz 900 An 12 yeers: An him got ded.

9 An enosh livd ninety yeers, An maded kenan.10 An enosh livd aftr him maded kenan 800 An 15 yeers, An maded lotsa kidz:11 An all teh dais ov enosh waz 900 An 5 yeers: An him got ded.

12 An kenan livd 70 yeers, An maded mahalalel:13 An kenan livd aftr him maded mahalalel 800 An 40 yeers, An maded lotsa kidz:14 An all teh dais ov kenan waz 900 An 10 yeers: An him got ded.

15 An mahalalel livd 60 An 5 yeers, An maded jard:16 An mahalalel livd aftr him maded jard 800 An 30 yeers, An maded lotsa kidz:17 An all teh dais ov mahalalel waz 800 ninety An 5 yeers: An him got ded.

18 An jard livd 100 An 60 An 2 yeers, An maded enoch:19 An jard livd aftr him maded enoch 800 yeers, An maded lotsa kidz:20 An all teh dais ov jard waz 900 An 60 An 2 yeers: An him got ded.

21 An enoch livd 60 An 5 yeers, An maded methuselah:22 An enoch walkd wif Ceiling Cat aftr him maded methuselah 300 yeers, An maded lotsa kidz:23 An all teh dais ov enoch waz 300 An 60 An 5 yeers:24 An enoch hung out wif Ceiling Cat alot An him didnt gets ded liek evry1 els. him flyed up in invisibul airplayn 2 b wif Ceiling Cat 4evr.

25 An methuselah livd 100 An 80 An 7 yeers, An maded lamech:26 An methuselah livd aftr him maded lamech 700 An 80 An 2 yeers, An maded lotsa kidz.27 An all teh dais ov methuselah waz 900 An 60 An 9 yeers (srsly!): An him got ded.

28 An lamech livd 100 An 80 An 2 yeers, An maded son:29 An him calld hims name noah, sayin, dis cans gived comfort us in r werk An in da toil ov r hanz, which camed becuz ov teh urth Ceiling Cat havded cursd.30 An lamech livd aftr him maded noah 500 An 90 An 5 yeers, An maded lotsa kidz:31 An all teh dais ov lamech waz 700 An 70 An 7 yeers: An him got ded.

32 An noah wuz 500 yeers old: An noah maded shem An ham (who wuz not lunch meet lol) An japheth.

An when men begun 2 begats kidz on teh urth, dey had dawters. wich is gud cuz Ceiling Cat still wudnt let dem masturbate.

2 An teh sons ov Ceiling Cat saw taht teh dawters ov mens wer rly hot An sexy; An dey sed "PENIS GOES WHERE?" An dey had sexxs but no buttsecks cuz it wuznt inventd yet.

3 An Ceiling Cat sed, i no fites wif ppl 4evr so i no lets tehm liv 4evr: aftr wiel dey wil getz ded. htey is stil thinkx dey can livs long tiem but i givs dem only 1 liefs insted ov 9 liek teh kittehs. so tehre.

4 An sum wierd d00dz calld Nephilim wer in teh urths in dose dais to scroos teh Creationists, An also aftr dat, when teh sons ov Ceiling Cat An dawters ov men did PENIS GOES WHERE?! but still no buttsecks, An they begats kidz. An teh kidz were badass powrful liek superman An wonder woman An all teh avatars in WoW, An dey wer all famous An stuf.

5 An Ceiling Cat saw dat teh ppl on teh urths wuz all wikkid An mean An evil, An dat ppl thot ov wikkid mean evil stuf all teh tiem. An they rited wikkidpedia so evry1 wud knoes how 2 b all wikkid An mean An evil.

6 An Ceiling Cat wuz rly sry dat he had madez ppl on teh urth, An it maded him all sad An pissed off An stuff.

7 An Ceiling Cat sed im gonna pwnz all teh ppl An aminals what i has maded on teh urth; ppl An moo cows An creepy crawlyz An burdz ov teh skyz An burdz liek ostridges An stuf who cant flyz; cuz i so sry i maded them.

8 But Ceiling Cat liekd noah alot.

9 This is story about noah. noah wuz rightchus d00d, An liek mor rightchus then any1 els. noah hung out wif Ceiling Cat alot An lissend 2 tunez An played pokemons An stuff.. An sum tiems Ceiling Cat even letz him winz cuz he liekd him alot.

10 An noah begat 3 sons, shem, ham, An japheth. but i alrdy told u that.

11 An teh urth wuz corruptd An messed up, An teh urths wuz filld wif meanies.

12 An Ceiling Cat saw teh urth, An saw taht it wuz corruptd cuz all teh ppl had fuxxxxd it up.

13 An Ceiling Cat sed 2 noah, i iz gonna pwnz the whole urth cuz teh urth has mor evilz An vilents then WoW An grand theft auto. so im gonna pwnz tehm An teh whole urths. all teh filez in ppls hedz iz all corruptd An dey keep emailin em 2 all ther frendz. i should haev kept it in Beta longr :( An inventd mcafee An nortonz An stuff to keep out trojan snake wormz An viruses An rootkitz An stuf liek that.

14 Make gynormus bote calld ark ov gophr wud; maek roomz in teh ark, An cover it wif tar on teh insidez An outsiedz. An noah sed wait a minit u cant getz wood frm gophrs, u has 2 use treez. An Ceiling Cat sed i can callz a tree a gophr if i wantz cuz i iz Ceiling Cat. so stfu An go getz ur hammerz An sawz An stuff. An noah sed k, brb.

15 An Ceiling Cat sed dis iz how u makez teh ark: teh length ov teh ark 300 cubits An teh width ov it 50 cubitz An teh hite ov it 30 cubits. An noah sed wtf iz a cubit An Ceiling Cat sed stfu again. so noah did.

16 maek sum windoze (but not teh µ!¢®0$0ƒ+ kind) in teh ark 2 cubitz hai An mek teh door in teh side. An maek it wif 1th, 2th, An 3th storiez.

17 An see, i makez teh flood ov waters upon teh hole urth, 2 pwnz all teh ppl An aminals An stuffz An evrythin in teh hol urths iz gets ded.

18 But i iz taeks care ov u An keeps u safe cuz i lieks u alot. An u can haz ride in teh ark, u An ur sons An ur wief An ur sons wifez 2.

19 An u taeks 2 ov every kind ov aminal into teh ark, 2 keep them aliv wif u; An mek shur dey r male An femael so dey can meks mor aminals after dey leavs teh ark but i wont letz dem do PENIS GOES WHERE?! on teh ark cuz mor aminals wud mek it 2 crouded.

20 Taek all kinds of teh birdz, An ov teh moocows, An ov teh creepy crawlyz on teh urth, 2 ov evry kind. but dont worry about teh fishz, dey can swimz gud.

21 An taek teh f00dz dat all teh ppl An aminals lieks 2 eatz, An gathr it up; An it shall b 4 fud 4 u, An 4 them. An noah sed thers gonna b lotz ov poopi to shuvl wif all dem aminals An stuff, An Ceiling Cat sed stfu i iz givez dem all rael bad constipashun so dont worry about it. An noah sed k and stfu'd.

22 so noah did evry thin Ceiling Cat tellz him, bein a gud boi bcuz he had to stfu.

Genesis 7
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

1 Ceiling Cat den said2 Noah, "Liek goes into teh ark, joo and joo kittens, cuz joo coolz an' righteous an' stuff. In dis generashun. 2 taek wif u 7 of evry kind ov clean moo cow, male an' its wife, an 2 ov evry kind of unclean moo cow, male an' its mate.3 An' also 7 ov evry kind ov burd, male an' female cuz teh burdz are scaredz of teh commitments, an' also 7 ov evry kind ov burd, male an' female (for teh saem reason) 2 keep their various kindz livin throughout teh earthz. 4 7 daiz and frum nao I;m gonna send teh wetness on teh earthz. A little advize, probabliez a gud idea to keep 'em seperatez so teh moo cows don't haev an episode of "PENIS GOES WHERE?" until joo get der.4 For 4ty daiz and 4ty nites, it gon b wet and I gun pwn some n00bs.."
Pwned!
Pwned!
5 An' Noah did what Ceiling Cat told im to, and installed dry wall between teh moo cows and his sons and his dawters so dey would not do nething liek to maek cowz go "PENIS GOES WHERE?!?" during teh 4ty daiz.

6 Noah was liek rlyz old when teh wetness came.7 An' noah and his kittehs enterd teh ark so tehy wouldn't get teh wetness in their furz.8 All teh moo cows and teh other stuff Ceiling Cat (who talkz forever 'bout nutin) saidz9 male an' female, came 2 Noah and he dun put them in teh ark, as Ceiling Cat commandd him.10 An' after teh seven daiz teh wetness came.

11 In da liek 6 hunderd year of Noah's lief, on teh sevententh dai ov teh second munth-on dat dai all teh spreengs ov teh grate deepz liek spewed teh waterz on teh urf and teh floodgatez ov teh heavenz wuz opend.12 An' teh wetnessez came to teh urf an' it was all wet.

13 On dat der dai, teh sons of Noahz, Shem teh Jew, Japheth teh white guy, and Ham teh blak guy wif der wivez,14 Tehy hads evry kind of animal two 'cordin to it's kind, all moo cows 'cordin to it's kind, evry creachur dat mooves on teh grawnd 'cordin 2 its kind an' evry burd 'cordin 2 it's kind, evrythin wif wings too 'cordin 2 all der kindz.15 pairs ov all creaturez dat has teh breath ov life in them came 2 noah an' enterd teh ark.16 teh animals goin in wuz male an' femail ov evry livin ting, as Ceiling Cat had toldd Noah. xcept 4 teh unicornz. And teh drag0nz and stuffs. Ceiling Cat sed 'DO NOT WANT'. and dey stayd out ov teh ark. den Ceiling Cat shut him in, and wuz liek 'k, ttyl'.

17 4 4t dais teh flood kept comin on teh urthz, an' as teh waters increasd they liftd teh ark high aboov teh urthz.18 teh watahs rose an' rose and rosed on teh urthz, an' teh ark floatd on teh watrs.19 thei rised greatlee on teh urthz, an' all teh high mowntins undr teh entir heavens wuz covrd.20 teh watrs rose an' coverd teh mowntinz 2 depth ov moar dan twenty feetz OMGWTFBBQ!!1!21 evry livin thin dat movd on teh urthz perishd — burdz, moo cows, wild animalz, all teh creeturz dat swarm ovah teh urthz, an' all pplz. not catz doh. Ceiling Cat luvz catz. Plus catz hates getting wet.22 evryting on dri land dat had teh breth ov life in itz nostrilz dyed.23 evry livin thin on teh face ov teh urthz wuz wipd out; d00dz an' animalz an' teh creeturz dat moov along teh ground an' teh burdz ov teh air wuz wipd frum teh urthz. only Noah wuz left, an' dose wif him in da ark.

24 teh watrz floodd teh urthz 4 hundrd an' fifty dais.

Genesis 8
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

1 But Ceiling Cat sees Noah guy n teh aminulz n teh cowes taht mooes n Ceiling Cat makes teh windz com n teh watrz iz no moar.2 Teh watrz iz no moar in teh skyz, k?3 Teh watrz goz wayz from teh beeg sanboks. At teh end of teh hunert n fiddy dayz teh watrz iz awl goz wayz,4 n on teh 7teenth day of teh 7 munz teh big bote getz stuk on beeg rokz calt Ararat.5 Teh watrz kipz goin wayz til teh 10 munz, n on teh first day of teh 10 munz teh tops of teh beg roks can seez.6 4ty dayz latrz Noah guy openz teh window he hadz maed inna teh beeg bote

7 n senz out blak burd, n teh blak burdee kipz flying n flyn til teh watrz iz all gon wayz from teh beeg sanboks.8 Latrz Noah guy senz out wite burd so can see teh watrz all goes way from beeg sanboks.9 But teh wite burd no can fine no plaze can setz itz feetz cuz stil plenny watrz in teh beeg sanboks; so wite burd go bak to to Noah guy in teh beeg bote. Noah guy grabz teh wite burd n getz bak inna teh big bote.10 Noah guy watz 7 moar daze n senz out teh wite burd from teh big bote.11 When teh white burd iz com bak to him for teatiem, and sez "I can haz oliv leaf? srsly?" Then Noah noes that teh watrz is goan out.12 Noah wuz liek wateing sevvin daiz und sent mudkipz to see teh sandbocks, but teh mudkipz noes com bak.

13 Bymby, the watrz iz dried up and teh beeg sanbocks is nrly cleened out. Noah is peekn and seen,14 by teh 20An7 day of teh munf after teh munfmonth the beeg sanbox is ready to youse! srsly.

15 und Ceiling Cat sed to teh noah,16 "GTFO, yous and yous wifez and yous sunz and dere wifez.17 mbring out all teh aminalz and all teh crawlies and all teh burds, even the ones taht no fly —and let tehm HARBL GOES WHERE ! and take over teh wurld"

18 So Noah cam out to his sunz and wifez and all tehy wifez. 19 All teh aminalz and all the crawliez and all the burds, evin teh onz that no fly—evin teh moocowz—came out of teh ark, leik in order, an stuuf.

20 And Noah and all teh aminalz totes gave Ceiling Cat their Pokymons, even their Charizzrds.21 Teh Ceiling Cat peeped teh charizzrds an sed: "No moar I sez I no lieks teh mans, even th0 [a] evry inklnashun of his heart is evl from wen he wuz a kittehn. No moar I lukz at teh mans and sez "Do not want!"22 "So liek teh earthz iz forevr n evr,

teh plants groes,
iz frozes and teh hots,
teh hots and teh frozes,
teh day and teh no day
goes forevr n ever."

Genesis 9
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

1 Teh Ceiling Cat blezt Noah and hes sunz, and sed to theys: “Haf lawt sexytime n b frootful n fill up teh urthz"

2 Teh aneemals wil be rly scured of u. I mak dem be pwned by u guyz, lol.

3 If it mvs, it kin be et. Even if it dun't—o hai plants.

4 Jst teh meet, doods. No bloods, kthx

5 Ifs u eets teh bloodz iz no gud; teh aminulz noes can has teh bloodz an teh mans noes can eets teh bloodz. An ifs u pwns teh mans iz no gud--teh Ceiling Cat pwns u.

6 “Ifs you pwns da man,

teh man pwns u, k?
Teh man is liek teh
Ceiling Cat.

7 Yah rly, can has teh hawt secks and teh baybeez;

Liek, tunnz baybeez, k?
Evrywharez.”

8 Ceiling Cat sez to Noah an his kidz:

9 “Hay looks, u an me r liek teh bests frenz an I lieks ur baybeez too,

10 An' teh aminulz u has: teh burdies, teh caws taht mooes, and teh otehr aminulz, dem gives teh mooves off teh boats, k?

11 U and me r liek teh frenz: I no moar makez teh waterz comez; u noe gets wet no moar, k?”

12 Teh Ceiling Cat sez: “U noes taht u and me are teh frenz and me and teh animulz r teh frenz forevr n evr becuz dis: cuz Ceiling Cat pwns rpeat...

13 Visible Raynbo iz in teh skyz, k? U an me an evrywunz is teh frenz becuz teh raynbo r gr8.

14 Ifs u sees teh clowdz, u no kin sez, "Oh Noes! Teh waters comes!" becuz tehres teh raynbo;

15 and I kin sez "OHai luk teh raynbo," becuz u and me and teh aminulz are hella gud frenz; I no makes teh waterz come.

16 Teh raynbo will be in teh clowds and I rmberz taht u and me and teh aminuls iz stil sum moar teh frenz.”

17 And Ceiling Cat sez to Noah, “Teh raynbo meens u and me are teh frenz, k?”

Noah an his sunz

18 So diz d00d Noah has teh 3 sonz on teh boatz. They has sum crazi namez all Shem and Ham and Japheth or summin. Ham wuz Canaan's daddi n nawt teh lunch meats. lol

19 newaiz frum deez 3 bros, all of teh worldz was ppl-ated.
Haz you seen mai grapez?
Haz you seen mai grapez?

20 So liek Noah groes teh grapez.

21 And Noah iz liek "Oh hai grapez" and he drinkz teh grapez and drinkz teh moar grapez and no moar haz teh cloethz on.

22 And Ham, Canaan's daddi and nawt teh lunch meats, sees Noah and sez "Oh hai broes, he haz teh invisible cloethz."

23 But Shem and Japheth tooks sum cloethz n put dem on Noah cuz he wuz drunkz. They clozd ther eyez so they not sawn his peen n othr nekidness.

24 So Noah wakez up wif teh hangzover n he noes dat Ham shudda cut him offa teh grapez

25 So liek Noah sez:

“Canaan iz teh stoopid;
He iz a noob of noobz
And liek evrywun pwns him. evn teh fat kid”

26 And he sez:

“Teh Ceiling Cat pwns,
Teh Ceiling Cat taht lieks Shem,
And Shem pwns Canaan.

27 Teh Ceiling Cat lieks Japheth,

He kin be in Shemz tentz,
subjigaeting hiz mans.”

28 So liek Noah keep livn three hunderd n fifty years after teh waterz goez away

29 So Noah becumz ded whenz he be OMG WTF 950???, wowzors but hez ded nao

Genesis 10
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

1 Hai, now thz be th recordz o th genrashnz o Shem Ham an Jafef sonz o Noah, and sonz born 2 thm fter th flud, sonz wit duuuuum namz.

2 Sonz o Jafef wuz Pyle an Magog-ogog an Madai an Javan an 2-bal an Meshech an Tiraz.

3 Sonz o Pyle wuz Ashkenaz an Rafaf and Togarmah.4 Sonz o Javan wuz Elishah Tarshish an Kitteh (yay!) an Dodanim.5 They each haz a bukkit; bukkits be sorted cuz of how they talk n stuf.

6 Sonz o Ham wuz Cush an Miz'raim an Put an Canaan.7 Sonz o Cush wuz Seba an Havilah (Nagilah) an Sabby-tah and Raamah an Sabteca; an sonz o Raamah wuz Sheba and D-dan.

8 Now Cush wuz dad o Nimrod; he wuz big.9 Nimrod wuz aggressive cat; an so, iz said, "aggressive cat is aggressive."10 Nimrod has a kingdom; kingdom has Babel an Erech an Accad an Calneh, n Shiner.11 An then he gotz n2 Assyria, has Nineveh an Rehoboth-Ir an Calah,12 an he bilt Resen in da middle.

13 Enuff wit agressive cat. Miz'raim wuz dad o Ludim an Anamim and Lehabim and Nafuthim14 an others; he wuz busy!

15 Canaan wuz dad o Sidon and Heth16 an sum more17 an sum more18 an sum more, I forget.

19 Take da 1st left at Gerar fter Sidon, go as far as Gaza, turnz to Sodom an Gomorrah an Admah and Zeboiim, if u at Lasha, u gone 2 far.20 That wuz Ham.

21 An 2 Shem, he gotz sum kidz.22 Shem gotz Elam and Asshur an Arpachshad and Lud an Aram.23 An Aram gotz Uz and Hul an Gether an Mash.24 Arpachshad gotz a betur name.

25 Eber gotz 2 sonz; 1 wuz Peleg, cuz to him, aggressive cat wuz agressive, an defensive cat wuz defensive; an he had a brudder, hiz brudder's name wuz Joktan.26 Joktan gotz some kidz,27 kinda a lotz a kidz,28 lotz a kidz,29 an some more, yeah, he got himz sum kidz.

30 Now take da 1st left at Mesha 2 Sefar, an u c sum hillz in da east.31 Bai Shem,32 kthxbai.

Genesis 11
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

[edit] Teh Towur ov Babel

1 And all uv de Urf was lolcatspeekinkz usin' lolcats werdz. 2 Whial teh menz be movin' eest, they finded vallee in teh land uv Shinar an sitted ther. 3 Dey sed "hai, letz maek teh brix an make 'em harrd wif fire." So dey uzed brix for ston an bitumen (wtf izzat?) for mortar. 4 Den dey sed "hai, letz maek reel tall towerz for us so we be togethr forevr!"
5 So, Ceiling Cat comeded down an saw teh men an ther towerz. 6 Den Ceiling Cat sez "Oh noes, if they all togethr after mah hi spot, they gonna get mah hi spot! 7 I gots'ta confuzzle 'em and stop 'em!" 8 Dat's wai Ceiling Cat pwned 'em an dragd 'em away from ther towerz. Dey stop buldin' after dat. 9 So teh towerz wuz calld Babel cuz Ceiling Cat made teh men babbul ther befor movin' dem.
[edit] Babeez frum Shem thru Abraham

10 So liek lissen, dis here'z teh stuffs Shem did. Two yeerz after teh Urfs wuz all fludz n' stuff, Shem was liek a hunnerd yrz old, and he finilly got doen to bizness makin teh babeez. He namez furst babee Arpachshad. 11 Shem went an lived OMG ANOTHER 500 YRZ and madez more babeez.
12 Arpachshad only waeted 35 yrz before he made babeez, and was teh dad ov Shelah. 13 Tehn Arphaxad lived OMG ANOTHER 403 YRZ and madez more babeez.
14 Shelah only waeted 30 yrz before he goed PENIS GOES WHARE?!, and was teh dad ov Eber. 15 Tehn Shelah lived 403 more yrz also and madez more babeez 'cuz he dint want hiz dad to show him up.
16 Eber waeted 34 yrz to has babeez, and was teh dad o teh Peleg. 17 Tehn Eber lived 430 more yrz and madez more babeez jus to show hiz dad and grampz whoz teh boss.
18 Peleg took afta grampa Shelah an maed babeez at 30 yrz old, and was teh dad ov Reu 19 But Peleg only lasted 209 more yrz, tho he maeded more babeez.
20 Reu went an did it at 32, and was teh dad ov Serug. 21 Reu liveded only 207 yrz longer, tho he too maeded more babeez.
22 At 30, Serug maed babeez, and was teh dad ov Nahor. 23 Serug only lasted 200 mor yrz, but still maeded mor babeez.
24 Nahor beet his daddies past and maed babeez at 29, and was teh dad ov Terah. 25 Nahor also only liveded to 119, but he too maeded other babeez.
26 Terah maeded teh babeez Abram, Nahor, and Haran by teh tiem he was 70.
[edit] Teh Stry of Terah - Dun Wury, Iz Short

27 So herez what Terah been doed. Liek wuz sed, Terah maeded teh babeez Abram, Nahor, and Haran. Haran maeded teh babee Lot.28 Haran deided before his daddeh Terah, in his hoemtawn Ur ov Chaldeans.29 Abram an Nahor gotz teh ladies; Abram gotz Sarai, an Nahor gotz Milcah. Milcah's daddy was Haran, who also had teh babee Iscah.30 An Sarai was liek "OMG I cant hav babeez! ;("
31 So den Terah tookded Abram, Lot, and Sarai and ran off out ov Ur ov Chaldeans. He ment to hed to Canaan, but dey stopded in Haran. 32 Terah died dere in Haran afta 205 yrz.

Genesis 12
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

[edit] Ceiling Cat sez stuff to Abram

1 Ceiling Cat sais to Abram, gowai.2 Ceiling Cat sais I can mek u famous on teh interwebs and u mek teh babiez and stuffs.

3 I leik dem who leik u, an I DO NOT WANT! dem who DO NOT WANT! you, and I liekd the south africa and the Iraq cuz you leik.

4 Abram n Lot gowai, and dey are old and stuffs.5 Abram takes all da monies and his wyfe and all da babiez and sayd kthxbai.6 Abram sees da invisible tree.7 Ceiling Cat sais all this base are belong to u. Abram makeded Ceiling Cat a cookie.8 Abrams can has the base and can has house in teh base. He makeded Cieling Cat a cookie agian.9 Abrams explorded all his base.
[edit] Abram in his Egypt-base

10 But all his base no can has cheezburger, and Abram has to gowai.11 Abram gets to the end of teh base and sais to da wife, ur in my heart, stealing it.12 Abrams sais that those d00dz will want surpriz! buttsecks and will maek me ded.13 Abrams sais to da wyfe tell dem ur my sister so dey DO NOT WANT! surpriz! buttsecks and dey leik me.14 Teh d00dz did want surpriz! buttsecks.15 Da King wanted surpriz! buttsecks too and he stolded Abrams wyfe.16 Da King likeded Abrams and said you can has bukkit and lolwalrus too, and moocows and even peeple.17 Ceiling Cat makeded the King sick where pewpies come from.18 Da King said to Abrams you lieded to me.19 Da King did not want surpriz! buttsecks nymoar and sez take ur wyfe and gowai.20 Da King makeded Abrams gowai and was in his base, stealin all his stuffz.

Genesis 13
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

[edit] Ambram still in Ejipp, lol

1 Abram goed up from Ejipp to the Neggev and him takez his woman and cheezburgerz and bukketz and inviseble biek and L0t.2 Abram had gots menny moocowz and chickenz and piggs and such but pigz wuz stil k cuz abram An hiz peepz wuznt rly joos yet so kosher wuznt invntd yet. he gots too lots of teh shynee coinz and stuffz

3 he lef teh negev and rode teh inviseble biek to and fro and goes to Bethel, and is liek "oh hai", cuz his tentz and bukkets were dere b44 An den Abram wuz liek "CIELING CAT!!!!!!!!!!11111oneeleven"

5 And L0t, wit Abram haz his moocows and piggs and homez and stuffz6 But the urth no can hold demz at same tyme, for their moocows were too larj.7 An Abram and L0t wuz liek "MORTAL KOMBAT!!" An Canaanites and Perizzites wuz ther 2

8 Abram and Lot was lyk "we no wants fite, we iz BFF's and can has cheezburgers,9 An teh hole urth is larj liek really big hairball. we can splitz up

10 L0t lukd at Jordan, seed it was wet, liek teh Cieling Cat's garden of vejtiblez. This was b4 Ceiling Cat PWNT Sodom and Gomora11 Lot lieked Cieling Cat's backyard, he want, and haz all of jordan. Abram no liek and goed bai.12 Abram lives on teh grass and sandbox of Canaan, while L0t live in homez wif catboxz near Sodom.13 An kittehs of Sodom are evul like puppehs and talkin bad bout Ceiling Cat An iz keepz on raedin wikkidpedia An ritin mor stuff in it bout how 2 b mor eviler den puppehs.

14 An Ceiling Cat sayz to Abram after Lot went bai, "Look up,down,left,right,b,a,select,start-15 cuz dats teh code for unlimited cheezburgers for you and yous kittehs16 An i will make your kittehs of litter and urth, so litter kittehs could be counted, huh?17 so you goes and walks thru my sandboxz, cuz i givez it all to u"

18 So Abram moved his homez and goed to live by teh really big treez and plants and grass of Mamre at Hebron, where he makez a great cheezburger shrine for teh Cieling Cat.

Genesis 14
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

1 Lotz of kings liek Amrafel, Arioch, Kedoror, and Tidal (who iz wet)2 Other bunch of kings leik Bera, and Birsha, and Shinab, And Admah, and Shemeber, and Bela's king, no leik other kings and MORTAL KOMBAT!!@!3 All bunch of kings met in salty see's4 For 12th years tey suffer to Kedolomer, but 13th year they Mortal Kombat!!!@#

5 14th year Kedolomer and teh kingz, beated up teh Refaites in bunch of sandboxz.6 An teh Horites in bumpy country Seir near real dry sandbox El Paran.7 tehy turn back an went to En Mishpat, and they has whole base now of Amalekites and Amorites in Hazazon Tamar.

8 Tehn Sodom king, and Gomora king and Admah king and Zeloiim king and Bela king, left 4 battlefield 2142, in Crevice Siddim.9 Who no like Kedorlaomer and Tidal (he iz still wet) and Amraphel and Arloch, 4 kings gainst 5, cheating :(10 In crevice Siddim wit lotz sticky pits, When Sodom king and Gomorrah king went bai they got suck in sticky and messed up ther furz.11 4 kings sais I can has your catnipz and your cheezburgers, kthxbai12 Tehy grabd Lot and his catnipz and cheezburgers, because he in Sodom homez.

13 Sneaky Cat escaped and told Abram (who lives in big treez with lots of cheezburgers)14 Abram sez "LEAVE LOT ALONEz!!!!"15 In dark Abram split kitteh armeh and performed blitzkreig bop. Chased to far away urth of Hobah16 Abram got back his cheezburgers and his catnip and Lot with his catnip and cheezburgers (lots and lots) and Sexxy lady kittehs and baby kittehs17 when abram got back he shared cheezburgers with Sodom king

18 Melchizedek brunggd out snax and mulk, he is BFF with Ceiling Cat19 An He told Abram you can has blessing, saying "blessed can be Abram by Ceiling Cat, Creator of cheezburgers and cookies and stuff"

20 And blessed be Ceiling Cat soo high up,

Who bringz Goomba's and Foot Soldiers."
Then Abram gave him 10th everthing.

21 Teh king of Sodom sayz 2 Abram, "i can has teh kittehs, you keep teh catnip and cheezburgers and stuff"

22 Abram said "No Liek, raised paw to Ceiling Cat, soo high up, creater of cheezburgers and catnip and urth and stuffz, i has swared"23 No Liek your stuff, not yarn, not string, not thong, or shoes, no wai U can sai "I made Abram Rich"24 I no take anyting but teh cheezburgers my kittehs alredy eated.

Genesis 15
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

1 An den, Abram can has dream of Cieling Cat, and he sez

"Don be fraidy cat Abram,
i blocks teh attacks,
and den you can has cheezburger"

2 but Abram wuz liek "Cieling Cat, i has no kittehs to giv mah homez and sandboxz and littrbox and such3 with no kittehs, my servants can has mah homez and stufs

4 Cieling Cat sez "STFU Abram, i can givez you a kitteh to play WoW with"5 He takes Abram outside and is liek "look at teh starz and hevenz, if yous can count them, so is ur kittehs"

6 And Abram was liek srsly? All cause Ceiling Cat is Righchus

7 He also says "I iz Ceiling Cat, I give you lots and lots of urfs to has"

8 Abram was leik "But how Ceiling Cat, teh horde alredy has possesions?"

9 An Ceiling Cat was leik "Bring me moocow, goat and rams but only 3 yeerz old with a white burd and baby pidgun"

10 Abram brought teh moocow and teh got and teh rams but he cutted them in half. Teh burdz and pidgun were not.11 Tehn evil burdz came from the ceiling and eated dem. Abram no liek and says you no can has.

12 Abram has sleep as sun goes down, but no good, lots of nightmares (poor Abram).13 An Ceiling Cat was liek, "ur kittehs will be not knowed in nayshuns they no has, they will be pwnt and slaved, tis bad, but dey will come out with cheezburgers"14 Ceiling Cat says tho he will "make unwanted invisible buttsecks with nayshuns dat make ure kittehs pwnt.15 u is not bad tho, u can has death at old age with papa kittehs16 but ur great-great-grand kittehs will come back here, cuz then sinz of Amorites reach critical mass"

17 Then it gots dark out, and there appeerz a bucket with fire18 An Cieling Cat sez "i give all dis sandboxz and littrboxs to your kittehs, and their kittehs kittehs and so on and so forth19 and teh littrboxs of Kenites, Kenizzites, Kadmonites,20 Hittites, Perizzites, Rephaites,21 Amorites, Canaanites, Girgashites and Jebusites."

Genesis 16
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

[edit] Gud things happens soon, k?

1 Sarai no can has kittehs. She can has Jippshun bukkit holdr Hagar.2 Sarai sez to Abe, "Teh Ceiling Car sez I no can haz kittehs. Maybe Hagar can haz kittehs. Make kittehs with Hagar."

3 Abram said kthanxbye.4 10 yrz laterz, no srsly, he made kittehz wit Hagar. Hagar got babeez in her and got sasseh.5 Sarai gotted madz at Abram. She sed, "yr fawlt I is not happy. You and my bukkit holdr made kittehs and kittehs made her sasseh. The Invisible Man sez hooz rite.

6 Abe sed, "Shez YR bukkit holdr. No srsly." So Sarai took Hagarz cheezeburgerz from her and Hagar ran.

7 The Ceiling Carz Ceiling Cat saw Hagar in the sandbox. Fer real.8 He sed, "Where from, where to" "I is hiding frm Sarai."

9 Ceiling Cat sed, "yr her bukkit holder, go hold her bukkit."10 "I'll make you get lots and lots of kittehs."

11 Ceiling Cat spokes-kitteh sais to her:

"U now Pregnantz
U will has boi kitteh
Ishmael is gud name 4 him,
Ceiling Cat heard your meow'n"

12 Kitteh will B crazy kitteh donkeh;

his paws touchy feely
but seckseh bod everyone touch
he is always angry
to his kitteh brothers

13 She sais to Ceiling Cat "Ishmael = hiz name", He sais "U seez me", she sais "U sees me I sees U"14 Tis why teh water hole iz named Beer Lahi Roi, still der, always will be.

15 So Hagar (not Sammy) made Abram a son because of secks, Abram naimd kitteh Ishmael16 Abram was really old when Hagar haz kittens.

Genesis 17
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
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* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

1 Abram was 99 yr geezer, n Ceiling Cat sez 2 him: "I pwn everthing! lets be bff!12 We can has speshul covenint n i do invisible magic so yous breed leik rabbit."

3 Abram rofl...well not lulz, but he rofl cuz Ceiling Cat is big important. n Ceiling Cat say,4 "For my covenint I make you breed leik rabbit so that u father many nayshuns.5 Ur domain name abram.com, is not good. I make u new URL...abraham.com. this have sumthin 2 do w how, did I mention, i make you breed leik rabbit!6 I leik fruit, and I leik u ! I leik teh rabbit, and teh nayshuns, o an kingz 2 so I will make ur descendants lot of kingz.7 Since i do all this 4 yous, I be Ceiling Cat to u n pwn all yous 4eva.8 i put u in Canaan, first we subdew natives so you can has it 4eva. OHai did I mention i be Ceiling Cat and pwn all yous?"

9 Then Ceiling Cat say, "An yous better keep ur part covenint, you n all ur kittehs and grandkittehs and so on.10 N here it is FTW. Teh convenint u makes with me 4eva: All kitteh with dangly bit must cut off speshul skin.11 Leik I said, all yous need do this cuz it meanz covenint.12 All ur kitteh, grandkitteh et setera with teh dangly bit, u cut speshul skin when 8 days. Also if u buy kitteh on black market, u cut there dangly bit 2.13 Leik I keep sayin cuz i iz so badass it all bear repeatin, u has 2 do this for covenint.14 Any kitteh with teh dangly bit who not can has cut, i make him go far away, 4 he break teh covenint"

15 Ceiling Cat also say to Abraham, "Dood, ur wife's domain name, sarai.com, is not good. she can also has new URL, sarah.com16 I make invisible Ceiling Cat magic on her an she give u tiny kitteh with dangly bits. Nayshuns and kingz will come out of her kittehs, cuz i lay my badass blessins on her."

17 Abraham rofl, an now he lulz to hisself an think, "O rly? Sarah and me is both geezurs, no can has kittehs."18 An Abraham say to Ceiling Cat, "I has son already, Ishmael. He can has awesome Ceiling Cat blessin 2?"

19 An Ceiling Cat say, "Ya but Sarah has another kitteh soon, and his domain name isaac.com. With this kitteh I make my speshul covenint.20 Ishmael, ya he gots invisible blessing too, n I make him breed leik rabbit too.21 But I leik Isaac more, u meet him this year when Sarah plop him out. Isaac be my main homie with teh covenint cuz I m in ur base playin my favoritism."22 Ceiling Cat say, "Kthxbai!"

23 So right awai Abraham take Ishmeal an everone else in his base with teh dangly bits, includin kittehs he bought on black market, n leik Ceiling Cat say he cut speshul skin.24 When Abraham cut his dangly bits, he 99yrs. LOL, old.25 His kitteh Ishmael 13 yrs.26 Abraham and kitteh both make speshul cut to dangly bits same day. KODAK MOMENT.27 n all teh others on his base 2. Everone with teh dangly bits go snippy snippy.

Genesis 18
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

[edit] Sarah LOLZ, Abraham pesters Cieling Cat

1 Noaw Abraham waz rlxn and Ceiling Cat waz liek "Oh Hai"2 But wen Abraham waz 2 liek "Oh hai" ther waz 3 doodz and he waz leik "WTF" n he pwned hisself

3 He sed "D00d, Srsly, hang out4 You can has water and rest5 And you can haz cheezburgr." And 3 doodz sed "we can has!"

6 so Abraham went to Sarah and waz liek "Mek som cookehs!"

7 And he went to hiz moocowz and made teh best one teh ded 4 to eat8 And he sed to 3 doodz "here, you can has"

9 N tehy wer liek "Wher ur woman?" And Abraham sed "ovar ther"

10 N sed "Srsly, when we com bak she gonna be teh preggers" Adn Sarah herd this11 BTW: Abraham n Sarah wer teh OLD, Srsly, and Sarah waz to old 4 teh babyz. Titzorz at da bell-e buttin.12 And Sarah LOLed and waz liek "WTF!? NO WAI! WE R TEH OLD!!11 LOL"

13 And TEH D00D sed 2 Abraham "WTF, Y she LOLed?14 Nothin iz inposbell 4 Ceiling Cat, srsly, she gon be teh preggers!"

15 And Sarah waz liek "I no LOLed" Ann he waz liek "yea u did"
[edit] Abraham Pleads for Sodom

16 N teh 3 men were liek "Kthxbai" and Abraham went wit dem17 Ceiling Cat sed "shud I tel Abraham wat I'm gon do,18 Cuz he iz cool, and he iz gonna b grate nashun, and all nashuns r gonna has cheezburger cuz of him?19 Cuz I choes him so he n his kittehs coud say liek 'Cieling Cat iz cool, srsly'"

20 So Ceiling Cat sed "Sodom n Gomorrah suxz0rz, liek, srsly"21 "Im gonna chekc it out n see"

22 So the doodz went to Sodom, but Ceiling Cat waz stil wit Abraham, k?23 Abraham waz liek "OMFG, u srsly gonna kill teh good ppl wit teh bad ppl!?"24 "Wat if thers 50 good ppl? U stil gonna pwn it?"25 "WEAK"

26 So Ceiling Cat waz liek "k if iz 50 ppl i wont pwn it"

27 N Abraham waz liek "OMG, i sux, but28 wat if has 45 good ppl?" N Ceiling Cat sed "ill not pwn if has 45"

29 N Abraham was liek "wat bout 40???" an Ceiling Cat sed "i wont if has 40"

30 And Abraham sed "k, dont b mad or shred me, but wat if has 30?" and Ceiling Cat sed "i wont if has 30"

31 And Abraham sed "OMG, but wat if has 20?" and Ceiling Cat sed "i wont if has 20"

32 And Abraham sed "k, dont b mad, thsi is last tiem I promiz, but wat if has 10?" and Ceiling Cat sed "i wont if has 10. srsly"

33 And thei wer both liek "Kthxbai"

Sodom n Gomorrah PWNED

1 holey d00dz wit wngs cam 2 Kittijuana @ h4ppy hour ann Lot waz bummin outside teh citeh. Lot saw dem and waz all, Doodz, you are teh holey, and bowed down to eatz teh cheezburger.2 Doodz, he saiz, plz crash on my couch, you can wash my kittehs feet and I will keck j00 out when I r woke. Lolz, teh doodz said, we iz gonna sleep together in teh middle of teh citeh.

3 Lot iz all doodz crash on my couch. He called up teh taco bell ann tey gave it to hiz kitteh.4 All teh drunc doodz went to Lotz place.5 Teh drunc guyz says to Lot, dood, letz bang teh guyz in j00r place. VISIBLE BUTTSEX!

6 Lot goez outside n close teh cat flap.7 He sayz, oh snap, don't do tat! ewwwww8 Lol U can hit my hot daughterz whu r virginz. Let me get em n we kan PENIS GOES WHERE? them. But don't do theze doodz, they iz in mah house.9 Aw Hellz nah. We iz gonna hit j00r door an hav lemmon party. ur gonna get raped fisrt.

10 Teh doodz pulled Lot into teh howse.11 Teh doodz MADE TEH MAGIK ANTI LITE! (is ok tho cuz kitteh can see in teh dark)

12 Tehn the two doodz waz all liek "GTFO man. and bring ur kitteh,13 j00 cant hang out with uz be cuz we is goin' to PWN this place."

14 Lot sez to hiz daughters fiances (teh 1 s he wuz gonna let the hole town do PENIS GOES WHERE wif). "U better go cause Ceiling cat gonna pwn this" place but they thaught it wuz a TARP.

15 Teh Doodz sez GTFO with ur bitches or we pwn U 2.

16 Then Lot was al liek "OH NOES!" and teh doodz made him left with his wife an daughters (teh 1s they was gonna rape) and his cheezburger.17 One ov teh doodz sez GTFO nd don't l00k back or RTFM. Go 2 the ceiling or we gonna pwn U.

18 N Lot was lik "DOOODz!!1!!1,19 I not make to ceiling, I gots teh slow, U B 2 fast.20 howse abouts the lettle town ovar thar? Pweese? cauze lettle town is lettle." (lettle toen be called Zoar wich iz funny bibbel naim 4 lettle)

21 Ceiling kat sez "K I not pwn lettle town22 But I gives U teh fast cuz I be waitin fo yo call"

23 Lot still had teh slow n it took all dark to get to lettle town.24 From teh hole in teh ceiling came bunches of teh sulfer and it wuz teh flame.25 N thats how Ceiling Cat pwnd the land n teh fruitzors An vegbatels. It happen.26 But Lotz wife did RTFM and now has a flavor, flavor iz salty.

27 Lot wake up next day (cause he not kitteh and can't see in dark) and went back to goatse land.28 He RTFM and see lots of smokes n stuff

29 Ceiling cat memberd Abraham and didn't pwn A Lot.
[edit] Lot and His Daughters

30 Lot mooved to mountains cuz he scared of Zoar (and smelled like old fart) n lived in a kave.31 Older dauter sez to younger dauter, "Old father is Old and I R in heat.32 I get daddy drunk and do PENIS GOES WHERE?! So we can save our recessive genes."

33 That night they giv daddy winez and /b. Daddy drink winez to make imagez go away and older daughter do PENIS GOES WHERE?!. /b so bad daddy knot remember.

34 neXt day, older daughter say "I do buttsecKs wif daddy, now ur turn"35 /b nasty again so Lot drinkZORS to stuporz and younger daughter doez PENIS GOES WHERE?!

36 Boaf gurlz get preggerz from daddy.37 Older daughter plop out boy named Moab, He be Father of Moabates and Mother of all bombs (and smell like desert - recessives)38 Lettle daughter plop out boy called Ben-(ken)Ammi who be father of (ken)Amminoites today n sing gud

Genesis 20
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

[edit] Abraham n Abimelech

1 An Abraham went 2 teh south country, an chilld tween Kadesh and Shur, an askd "I can has bed?", and crashd in Gerar2 An Abraham saiz "Dewd, my wief Sarah be iz my sistr," an Abimelech iz liek "Lol, thaz messd up" an takd Sarah

3 But Ceiling Cat comez to Abimelech while hez sleepn an saiz, "O hai, thaz not rite you liek takd a wief away, you be ded now"

4 But Abimelech iz liek, "My bad, Ceiling Cat, plz doez not eated me"5 An Abimelech is all, "Abraham saiz he an his sistr be all liek "PENIS GOES WHERE?" an thaz not rite"

6 An Ceiling Cat is liek,"Ya thaz nasty ur rite7 But givez back Abraham his sistr even tho thaz nasty 'cuz he bez knowin' teh futur n' stufs an if you doeznt I eated you, kthxbai"

8 Abimelech wakd up erly, an calld teh slavez, an hes liek, "Ceiling Cat saiz Abraham iz kewl, lez give back his wief," an teh slavez wuz skerd.9 Den Abimelech calld Abraham, an he sai, "WTF! Y u brin invisible error an not cheezburgrz?"10 An he sai, "Wut made u do dat?"

11 An Abraham sai, "cuz I thot, surely teh feer of Ceiling Cat iz not in dis place; an tehy will eated me 4 mah wiefz saek12 An mah wief iz mah sistr but only mah half sistr, we doeznt gots teh same mommy, so NBD, k?"13 And then latrz, after Ceiling Cat telled us to leef Ejip, so Abraham did sez "look, no tell other pplz we is marry. i no like teh commit no moar. instead you say you is mai sister, k?" And Sarah was all "k, wut can i do?"

14 And Abraham pwned Abimelech and tooked his sheeps, and moocows, and slaves for teh working, and his slaves for teh PENIS GOES WHERE?!, and was full of teh epic and win.15 an Abimelech was all, you can has mai base."

16 He sez "Yo, I have giv ur burdder 1x103 silver cookehs (about 25lbs). we cool now? plz do not eated me, sowry."

17 And Abraham talked to Ceiling Cat and Ceiling Cat made Abimelech all betterz and tooked the diapramz from hiz wife n slave chix so PENIS GOES WERE?! wurked gud.18 cause when all this started, he put in INVISIBLE DIAPHRAM.

Genesis 21
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
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* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

[edit] Da burf uf Isaac

1 An Ceiling Cat hangeded wif Sarah an wuz all liek, "O hai, j00 can get teh preggers now, kthxbai,"2 An she gaiv burf even tho she wuz all old an stuffz.3 Abraham calleded his son Isaac, cuz that's joospeek for "he laffs."4 An Abraham cut Isaac's penis tip cuz Ceiling Cat lieks to see dat kinda stuffz.5 Abraham wuz hunderd yeers old at da time.

6 An Sarah sayed, "Ceiling Cat bringz teh LOLz!!1!1!!!eleventeen!!!17 Whoda thunk it?? Im all old, but Ceiling Cat restorded ma ovaries."
[edit] Hagar an Ishmael GTFO

8 An Isaac gru and stopped suxx0r on Sarah's tittee, so Abraham wuz all laik, "Let's partee an eatum da cheezburgrz!!1!"9 An Sarah sawed Ishmael bein liek, "Nyah nyah!!"10 So she told Abraham 2 tell Hagar the slavezor and her n00b son to GTFO, cuz she didn't want them to has no cheezburgrz.

11 Abraham sayed, "wtf?!?!? No cheezburgrz?"12 But Ceiling Cat tolded him, "Don't wurry bout those n00bs. Do what Sarah tellz U, becuz they getz to has no cheezburgrz now. DO NOT WANT! Isaac gets thum all. DOES WANT!13 Ishmael will getz cheezburgrz l8r when he becomes all h4xx0r n stuffz. srsly."

14 Abraham tooked sum cookize n waterz and putted it on Hagar's shoulderz and sended her off wif the boi. She was in ur deserts lookin for ur waterz. srsly, it was called Beersheba.

15 She no can find waters and put boi under a bush16 and cry cause she dont wanna see boi get ded and dry up like prune

17 Kitteh hearz boi cry (sound like kitteh) and sez "sup Hagar? no be skered, Ceiling cat be hearin it too.18 pls get him and he can has cheezburgerz cause he is h4xx0r now."

19 Kitteh make waterz (no not that kind, teh kind U can drink), so U CAN HAS waterz and not dry out and l00k like prune. srsly, it happen.

20 Ceiling cat was BFF and hung out wif teh boi. He lived in ur desert and has bow and arrow21 Desert called Paran n mom gots him an egyptian bride (she walk like egyptian, prolly smell like 1 2).
[edit] The Treaty at Beersheba

22 Meanwiles Abimelech and Phicol teh commander of his forces sez to Abraham, "ur BFF with Ceiling cat K?23 swear U not be like NO CAN HAS to me or anything wif my DNA, U be like CAN HAS cheezburgerz n cookiez n happy leik I dids to U."

24 Abraham sez "K BFF kthnx"

25 Abraham emo bout waterz Abimelech's servants had pwnd.26 Abimelech sez "WHUT? WHENZ? HUH? WTF?"

27 Abraham getz sum sheepz an moocows n a cookie and they make treaty.28 and getz 7 ewes (babi girl sheepz)29 Abimelech sez WTF? sheepz, I no wanna HARBL GOES WHERE.

30 Abraham sez "sheepz mean I made hole 4 waterz ur doodz pwnd."

31 So nows that place called Beersheba cause those doodz sweared oath there (Beersheba iz funny bibbel naim 4 well ov 7 or well ov oath, we not rly shur).

32 then Abimelech and Phicol the commander uv forces returned 2 land of Philistines.33 Abraham planted a tamarisk tree in Beersheba, n hung out wif Ceiling cat.34 n he stayed in teh Philistines for a loooooooooong time.

Genesis 22
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Old Testament

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* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
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* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

1 Ceiling cat givd Abraham test so Abraham cud hav cheezburgrz. Ceiling cat sed "Oh hai Abraham.2 Taek ur kitteh Isaac to whur I say an burn him inna mountainz.3 So Abraham got up erly an tuk Isaac an 2 servnts, an cut teh wud 4 burning an went to mountainz.4 On thrd day, he saw place to burn him.5 He sed "Servnts, stay here wit donkey. We coem bak later k bai."6 An he gaev wud to Isaac to curry an he tuk torch an knife.

7 An Isaac sed "K dad wher sheep?" 8 An Abraham sed "Ceiling cat will giv sheep." So they goed to place.9 An Abraham bult altar an putted Isaac on it.10 He gon stab Isaac Oh noez!

11 Ceiling Cat hazd a angel and teh angel wazd liekd "OH HAI ABRAHAM" and Abraham wazd liek "OH HAI"12 And teh angel wazd liek "OH HAI, ABOUT TAHT KILLIN UR SON...J/K LOL!1 Ur win cheezburgrz 4evr"13 And teh angel sed "We downgrazden youz 2 a RAM" An Abraham tukd ram an burnd it.14 An Abraham sed dis place now cald "Ceiling Cat Gievs Cheezburgrz."

15 An Ceiling cat sed "OH HAI ABRAHAM"16 An he sed "Abraham ur gud kitteh. U wud givd me ur kitteh.17 So ur kitteh wil haev lots of kittehs, more than stars an sand, an kittehs will have bukket18 an all kittehs can has cheezburgrz. Cuz u iz gud kitteh."19 An Abraham went wit Isaac an servnts to Beer-sheba 4 long vaycayshun.

20 An kittehs tuld Abraham "Ur bro Nahor an hiz wief Milcah haded kittehs!"21 An Nahors kittehs wer Huz, Buz, an Kemuel. An Kemuel had kitteh cald Aram.22 An Nahors moer kittehs wer Chesed, Hazo, Pildash, Jidlaph, and Bethuel.23 An Bethuel had kitteh Rebekah. So Abraham haded many nephew kittehs!24 An Nahors PENIS GOES WHERE?! kitteh Reumah had kittehs too! Had Tebah, Gaham, Thahash, an Maachah! WTFLOLBBQ lots of kittehs!

Genesis 23
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

[edit] The dath of Sarah

1 Sara lived 2 be 27-1 years old2 at Kiriath Arba (a.k.a. Hebron) in teh land ov Canaan, n Abraham went 2 mourn 4 her and 2 do tearz at her.

3 Abraham sed to Hittites,4 "YO Gimmeh somez landz so I can burry my wife, I pays"

5 Hittites sez:6 "U CAN HAS anything U wantz"

7 Abraham wetz pantz8 and sez "yo, talk to Ephron son ov Zohar on my behalf9 so he will sell me teh cave of Machpelah, which be hiz, I payz full price"

10 Ephron the Hittite was chillin wif hiz possie ans sez 2 Abraham real loud,11 "No, sup; I gives yous the field, and I gives yous the cave that is in it. itz K, bury the meat, it smells"

12 Abraham haz mor wet for pantz13 and sez "I pay moniez I rly du"

14 Ephron sed 2 Abraham:15 (I can get 400 silver cookiez (about 10 lbs) 4 teh land butz sheese stinkin up, plant her!)"

16 Abraham giveh 400 silver cookies to Ephron (even tho he don't gotta)

17 So Ephron's field in Machpelah near Mamre—both teh field and the cave in it, and all the treez within the borders of the field—was deeded18 2 Abraham in front of everybodi.19 Laterz Abraham buried his wife Sarah in the cave in teh field of Machpelah near Mamre (=Hebron) in teh land of Canaan.20 So Abraham now can haz teh field an cave.

Genesis 24
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

[edit] Isaac and Rebekah

1 Abraham waz teh oldz en BFF wif Ceiling Cat.2 he waz teh head servent dood "puts yer paw unner my legz" (ewwwwww)3 "I wantz U 2 swear by Ceiling Cat, who maded teh skiez An da Urfs that I DO NOT WANT my son's wife 2 B Canaanite, where we be at.4 but DO WANT wife from my landz and relatives 4 Issac."

5 Servant sez whut if she DO NOT WANT come here, Do I takes him there?"

6 Abraham sez "DO NOT WANT him there"7 Ceiling Cat BFF sez 'Issac do HARBOL GOES WHERE? first, then he can go der.'8 If she DO NOT WANT come here, you KTHXBAI, no takes Issac.9 Servent dood putz hand unner his legz (ewwwww) n made oath

10 Teh servent takez 10 camuels (leik moocows, but different) and did not eated them, and lotza swag. He goes from Aram Naharaim 2 Nahor.11 He getz there when the gurlz are commin it fill BUCKETZ, he makes camuels neel near waterz hole

12 The he praz to Ceiling Cat, "0 Ceiling Cat of Abraham, lemme find gurl to bring back for PEINIS GOES WHERE?13 Checkit, l00k at the gurlz!14 if she sez me and camuels CAN HAS BUCKETS, I bring her back."

15 as he wuz talkin to Ceiling Cat, Rebekah (a gurl) comes out with BUCKET. she daughter ov Bethuel son ov Milcah (wife ov Abraham's brudder Nahor).16 she never do PENIS GOES WHERE? and waz pretty, She fill BUCKET with waterz

17 He sez CAN HAS BUCKET?

18 she sez U CAN HAS MY BUCKET

19 She sez GIMMEH BUCKET so camuels CAN HAS BUCKET.20 she sez now camules CAN HAS BUCKET.21 He watched to see if Ceiling Cat liked this 1.

22 when camuels were done with BUCKET, he gets out a nose ring and braceletz23 and sez, letz go 2 ur dads palce.

24 She sez "dads Bethuel, grandpap Nahor, mom Milcah25 YOU CAN HAS room at my place

26 He sez to Ceiling Cat27 KTHZ dood, I'm goin to Abraham's DNA

28 She tellz mom n all,29 and her brother Laban.30 n he seez sis wif nose ring n bracletz n goez to meat him.31 Laban sez "d00d!!!1!1! WTF you here 4? You BFF Ceiling Cat, check out my crib."

32 So he goes to teh house. foodz was brought for camuels and they eated it, and they washed teh feetz in buckets.33 the was delicios cakes but he not eated it, he sez "I do not want eated it until I tell u this"

Laban sez WTF?

34 He sez I workz for Abraham35 and he BFF w/ Ceiling Cat and gots sheepz n moocows n silver n gold n servents n camuels n donkiez n shiny thingz and catnip n cheezburgrs n cookiez n lotsa udder stuff.36 Sarah hiz wife plooped out a babie whem she waz leik old n stuff and the kid getz the loot.37 n he tolded me to get the kid a wife not from teh Canaanites where he B at but from hiz DNA.

39 I axed "whut if she DO NOT WANT come here?"

40 He sez Ceiling Cat be workin on it, it'll work trust me K? srsly,41 If it don't wurk, just GTFO. KTHXBAI.

42 I wus talkin to Ceiling Cat when I was in ur waterz sayin "pweese make it wurk,43 n if I axe a gurl for her bucket,44 n she says U CAN HAS MY BUCKET and ur camuels CAN HAS MY BUCKET too" I'll call it gud.

45 I wasnt done talkin to Ceiling Cat when I sees Rebeka an sez "CAN I HAS UR BUCKET?"

46 n she sez U CAN HAS MAI BUCKET and ur camuels too.

47 I axed her who she wuz

she said she wus from Abrahams DNA!!!11!!1!
so I shoved a ring up her nose and put the cuffs on,48 n thanked Ceiling Cat.49 can I has her? if I can no has her, tell me where I can get another 1.

50 Laban and Bethuel sez "This be Ceiling Cat business, we outta this,51 you CAN HAS gurl, so ur master's son can do PENIS GOES WHERE on her. Leik Ceiling Cat sez"

52 when he hearz that he bowed to Ceiling Cat53 and got gold n silver shiny things n clothes n gave them to the gurl, he also dumped buckets of swag on her brudder n mom54 then they eated delicious cake and drinked and sleeped.

when he waked up, he sed I GTFO, KTHXBAI

55 Bro n mom sed, "Woah d00d, we needs 10 dayz, then U can GTFO."

56 he sez "WTF? Ceiling Cat may get pissed"

57 they say "letz axe the gurl"58 They axe n she sez KBAI

59 so they tell her to GTFO long wif her nurse and the guise60 n they blessed Rebeka n sed:

"yo sis, moar
in teh mani towsandz
mai ur babies pwn
der enemies"

61 So Rebeka n her maidz got on the camuels n GTFO

62 Issac come from Beer Lahai Roi, cause he wus livin in Negev.63 He goes walkies one night n seez camuels a commin64 Rebeka sees Issac n gets off camuel65 n sez "who dat who be a commin 2 meat us?"

Servent sez "Bossman, so she covered hersefs with veil."

66 Then he telled the story to Issac67 n he bringed he into his mom's tent n married her, and did PENIS GOES WHERE? and was comforted after his mother's death.

Genesis 25
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

[edit] Abraham getz ded

1 Abrabam getz nuther wife 4 PENIS GOES WHERE? name Keturah2 Seh ploop out Zimran, Jokshan, Medan, Midian, Ishbak and Shuah.3 Jokshan maek Sheba and Dedan, Dendan maek Asshurites, the Letushites and the Leummites.4 Midian maek Ephah, Epher, Hanoch, Abida and Eldaah. Keturah maek all ov dem.

5 Abraham gived all his cookiez n cheezburgerz to Issac.6 But when he was leik not ded yet, he sended some cookiez n cheezburgerz east the bois who he maek wif PENIS GOES WHERE wif udder gurlz.

7 Abraham gotted ded when he waz 175 yearz old (must be kitteh yearz).8 When he was deded, tehy tooked him out for walkies.9 Isaac and Ishmael putted him inna cave of Machpelah near Mamre10 taht he bougted from the Hittites (see Genesis_23#2) an wuz putted in wit hiz ded wife Sarah.11 After Abraham get deded, Ceiling cat gived Isaac Ceheezburgerz n stuff when he was at Beer Lahai Roi.
[edit] Ishmael's Sons

12 We be talkin bout Abraham's boi Ishmael taht Hagar who walk leik Egiptian ploop out when she wus workin 4 Sarah.

13 Ishmael maek Nebaioth, Kedar, Adbeel, Mibsam,14 Mishma, Dumah, Massa,15 Hadad, Tema, Jetur, Naphish and Kedemah. In taht order, srsly.16 tehy was teh 12 tribal rulerz of der settulmentz and campz.17 Ishmael got ded when he wuz 137 yearz old (kitteh yearz again). When he was all ded tehy tooked him out 4 walkies.18 All the peepulz he maded lived from Havilah 2 Shur, nearz Egypt and tehy DID NOT leik each udder.
[edit] Jacob and Esau

19 Now we talkin bout Isaac K?.20 Isaac lived in hiz dad Abraham's basement, so he not marry Rebeka Genesis_24#15 till he wus 40 yearz old, srsly.

21 Isaac wuz talkin to Ceiling Cat cause Rebeka HAS A INVISIBLE DIAPHRAM, Ceiling cat removed INVISIBLE DIAPHRAM n sed leik "has some fertility drugz" and she eated them.22 She feeled a party in herz tummy and sez to Ceiling Cat "WTF?"23 Ceiling Cat sez

"fertility drugz maeks 2 babez
K tho cuze they fraternal
n not leik all stuck together so dissambly not required
But 1 ouf dem be stronger tehn other
Older 1 be workin fo teh younger. KTHXBAI"

24 She ploop out 2 boyz25 1st one come out red n furry tehy named hims Esau (which is funny bibel nam 4 furry).26 neXt 1 come out holdin onto 1st one foots (he musta comes out backwards) so theys names him Jacob (which is funny bibel nam 4 grabbs heelz or deceiver). Isaac wus 60 when dey ploop out.

27 Teh boyz growed up n Esau wuz leet sklld mouser (he finded mouses to eated everywhar n liked to go outside). Jacob wuz scairdy cat stayin inside on teh windowsill.28 Dad leiked Esau cause he eated lots of mouses, but mom leiked Jacob.

29 Jacob wuz cooking up some red cookiez n Esau came back from looking 4 mouses30 n sed "Gimmeh sum delicious red cookiez, cauze I no can find mouses and I so humgry I could die."

31 Jacob sez "YOU CAN NOT HAS COOKIEZ, but givh me ur inheritance and YOU CAN HAS DELICIOUS COOKIEZ n CAKES."

32 Esau sez, "I humgry bad, K"

33 Buy Jacob sez "swear first delicious cookiz later", Esau sez "KTHX".

34 So Esau swear n CAN HAS DELICIOUS COOKIZ, n go NOM NOM NOM

Genesis 26
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

[edit] Isaac and Abimelech

1 Now there wus no foods an mices to eated in the land so Isaac meats Abimelech top cat of the Philistines in Gerar.2 Ceiling Cat sez to Isaac U can not goes to Egypt, U live wheres I tells U 2 live3 Stay here an U CAN HAS CHEEZBURGRZ n COOKIEZ n CAKES. Laterz I gives U all these landz4 U n ur kitteh can has all this landz an CHEEZBURGERZ too5 cause ur dad Abraham dids whats I tolded him to6 So Isaac stayed in Gerar.

7 Sum d00dz livin there axed him bout hiz wife Rebeka, n he sed "She mai sister" cause she so buteamus n l00k leik Natalie Portman covered in hot grits he wuz afraid they eated him and make him teh ded.

8 After a loooong time, Abimelech king of the Philistines saw Isaac strkin Rebeka's hairbol9 Abimelech sez "d00d1!!1!!, WTF? ur sister? ewwwww thats nasty", Isaac say "I say my sister cause i do not want to be teh ded". n Abimelech thought Deja-vous genesis_20#2

10 n Abimelech sez "d00d!1! whut if 1 of my guys did PENIS GOES WHERE on hers, thats leik INVISIBLE ERROR"

11 an he continud "Any my n00bs touch her gets teh ded"

12 Isaac growd lots of fruitzors An vegbatels an cheezburgerz n they was many cause Ceiling Cat leiked him.13 He gots rich14 He gots real rich n teh Philistines got pissed15 so teh Philistines were leik "I'n in ur waterz pluggin up ur holez.

16 So Abimelech sez 2 Isaac, "GTFO ur gots teh powerz"

17 Isaac goed to teh Valley of Gerar.18 he was leik I'm in mai holez unpluggin mai waterz taht teh Philistines plugged up n got waterz.

19 they even gots waterz from holes tehy maded in teh valley20 But d00dz from Gerar sed "theys our waterz, U no can has", so he call it Esek21 nother hole but Gerar sez "U no can has", he calls that 1 Sitnah22 yet nother hole, but no 1 sez "no can has" so he call it Rehoboth (leik beach but hole) n sed "Ceiling cat sez I CAN HAS waters n landz n we happy"

23 He goes to Beersheba24 Ceiling Cat sez Yo 'member me? I wus wif ur dad Abraham, don't be scairded, I gives U cheezburgerz n cakes n stuff, n U gets moar kitteh"

25 Isaac builded a cat tree and callded Ceiling Cat n maded a hole for waterz near where he putted hiz tent

26 Abimelech comed from Gerar, wif Ahuzzath hiz adviser n Phicol army type d00d.27 Isaac sez "WTF U here 4? U tells me to GTFO?"

28 They sez, "d00d, U got Ceiling Cat on ur side, letz be BFF n prove it wif a treaty.29 I no eated you and you no eated us K? cause U HAS CHEEZBURGERZ"

30 Isaac maded Cheezburgerz n cookies n foods and they eated them31 tehn dey sweard oath and Isaac sed "GTFO".

32 laterz on same day, Isaac's d00dz dig waterz hole and findz FREE BEERZ!!1!!! They sez "l00k, wees founded the creative commons"33 so he callz it Shibah, n teh town be Beersheba.

34 An when Esau wuz frty he wuz all "I can has marry" an he marieed Judith doter of Beeri (no drink!) an Basemath deh doter of Elon.35 An Issac an Rebekah sez, "DO NO WANT!"

Genesis 27
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Old Testament

* Genesis
* Exodus
* Leviticus
* Numbers
* Deuteronomy
* Joshua
* Judges
* Ruth
* 1 Samuel
* 2 Samuel
* 1 Kings
* 2 Kings
* 1 Chronicles
* 2 Chronicles
* Ezra
* Nehemiah
* Esther
* Job
* Psalms
* Proverbs
* Ecclesiastes
* Song of Solomon
* Isaiah
* Jeremiah
* Lamentations
* Ezekiel
* Daniel
* Hosea
* Joel
* Amos
* Obadiah
* Jonah
* Micah
* Nahum
* Habakkuk
* Zephaniah
* Haggai
* Zechariah
* Malachi

1 Isaac gotted olded n blinded he sez YO Esau, Easu sez "sup?"

2 Isaac sez "gonna ded soon3 Gimmeh sum delicious cakez n mouses from outside"4 soes I CAN HAS sum delicious cakez so U CAN HAS cheezburgerz in B 4 ded"

5 Rebeka wuz leik watchin him speak soes after Esau goez out to the sandwormz,6 she sez 2 Jacob "I wuz watchin daddy sey to Esau, n he sed7 'Gimmeh sun delicious cakez n I giveh U cheezburgerz wif Ceiling cat watchin.'8 so do dis:9 Gimmeh 2 goatse, n I makes delicious cakez outta dem.10 n give 2 daddi n say U CAN HAS DELICIOUS CAKEZ so he giveh U cheezburgerz n be in before ban (ded).

11 Jacob sez to mom, "Esau is a furfag n I not are furfag12 Dad may feels my no furz, then he would cockmongle me."

13 Mom sez "I'll take teh cockmongle 4 U, trust me KTHNXBAI"

14 so he getz 2 goatse an givem to mom n she maek delicious cake.15 n she crossdress Isaac in Essau clotheses16 n stapled goatse skinz on Issac's handz n neck17 den she gived him delicious cakez n cookiez she maided.

18 Isaac wented to daddie n sez Yo

daddie sez WTF? WRU?

19 Jacob sed "I R Esau, 1st ploop U CAN HAS MY DELICIOUS CAKEZ n COOKIEZ, CAN I HAS CHEEZBURGER?"

20 Isaac sez "Damn, that wuz fast, where use find it?", Jacob sez "I gots it from Ceiling Cat"

21 Isaac sed "comeh, lemmie touch U so i know if U R furfag Esau"

22 Jacob let daddi touch him n daddi sed "U sound leik Jacob but ur bikini area feels liek Esau.23 He did not recognize hims cuse bikini areas feelz same n furry, so I can gived U cheezburgerz.24 "R U rly Esau?" he sed

0 rly

25 "Gimmeh somez delicious cakez n cookiez n i gives U cheezburgerz"

Isaac CAN HAS DELICIOUS CAKEZ n COOKIEZ n BEERZ26 den daddi sez "mere, gimmeh kiss" ewwwwwwwww

27 Jacob does visible kiss with Isaac, when Isaac smellz Jacob he sez:

U smell leik me
is leik field n poop
poop from Ceiling cat

28 "Ceiling cat gonna maek U wet

and he be poopin on ur land
so u gets good foodz n beerz

29 landz will serve U

peoplz will bend ov