I had an job interview today for a position that I could have pretty much done standing on my head. It had all gone swimmingly right up until the last question. I was being interviewed by a rather heavily set man, whose last question was; "So, objectfully speaking, if you were in my shoes, ticking the boxes, looking for reasons why i should or shouldn't employ you, what reasons would you consider for not employing you?"
Well straight away this sounded like a trick question, so i fobbed him off with a stock answer. "Anything else?" he asked. Realising that he was looking for something i bit more substantial, i said; "Well, as we've already discussed, I've been out of this line of work for just over a year, so i might be a little concerned that the person would be little rusty!" I then went on to reassure him that this wasn't the case.
"Anything else at all you can think of?" he ventured again. "No, nothing at all!", i replied.
"Well, let me put it another way." he said "How corporate do you think you are?"
This seemed a bit of a strange line of questioning. He obviously had his concerns over something but there was no way i was going to hang myself by offering up any more reasons as to why he shouldn't give me the job- "Well i'm very sales orientated and i'd work to the best of my ability for any company that i worked for." I could see by the look on his fat face that this wasn't the answer he was looking for; "Um...I'm not sure I follow you", I said.
"Well, let me put it this way; if you were to take a walk around this office, there's really no one that would stand out from anyone else. All the guys have short haircuts and they are, pretty much identical"; I didn't walk around the office, but if they were all identical then the vending machine profits could probably fund a coup of a small country. "But" he continued "i look at you with your designer stubble and fashion haircut (my haircut cost a tenner and it's shorter then it's been for years) and I don't think it's giving off the right impression. First impressions count and if you were to be representing this company outside of this office then i would be worried about the first impressions our clients would have of you. What do you think your appearence suggests? So, you see, if you were in my shoes, would that be a reason you'd consider to not employ you?"
I'm not sure if it was the hot weather or the smug, patronising look on his bulbous, sweaty red face, but this made me incredibly angry. I didn't want the job enough to pander to that crap but I know that if i handled the situation better i could have probably have done this blimp for discrimination. I was fucking livid, practically shaking with rage at the gall of this twat. I finished off the water in front of me in one gulp, collected my thoughts with a look at the calm summery scene out of the window, before fixing him a steely glare; "Well, let ME put it this way; if i were in your shoes, firstly i think i'd go and get some cushioned insoles for them because my feet would be fucking killing me from carrying all that extra weight", his face dropped as i pointed at his belly, "And secondly, i'd take a long hard look at myself and stop being such a patronising, smug fat fucker who thinks he's in a position to judge others just because he's sat in the same fucking desk job all his life!"
"Right, interview over. Get out!" he said as he stood up and started shuffling his papers nervously.
I stood up to and collected my things but i wasn't finished; "You talk to me about first impressions. Well my first impression of you was that you're over weight because you're lazy and like comfort eating, probably because you haven't got a wife or, if you do, she's as fat and ugly as you are and the two of you have stopped trying for eachother a long time ago. And you're condescending tone throughout this interview would also suggest to me that you have self esteem issues and you don't want a young man like me around the place making you look even worse. So, for first impressions, would I want a lazy fat bastard with self esteem issues working for me? No, I don't think so!"
"Well, you're not the one doing the hiring!" he quite rightly pointed out, as he walked towards and opened the door in an attempt to usher me out.
"No, i guess you're right" i said as i put my bag on my shoulder, "but i wouldn't work for a wanker like you if you paid me!"
"Well That was the general idea!" he slyly said as he shut the door behind me and reached straight for the telephone. I then realised that one of my finest angry moments had been all but undone by my one stupid slip at the end and that Fatty had ultimately won. I was kicking myself as i made my way to the elevator and even more so as the security man met me at the bottom and escorted me off the premises.
My apologies for the longwinded rant but i just needed to get it off my chest. I still feel a bit aggrieved; partly at the nerve of the bloke but mostly with myself for ruining a near perfect response in that circumstance.
The hunt for a job continues.
:D
Brilliant :)
Sounds like it was the best result that could have been produced from such an interview.
oh wow, this is amazing.
really, go you! that is the best thing you could have said or done. he's probably comfort eating right now.
It seemed to be going so well though.
I still can't believe he said that as i'm sure, if i handled it better, I could have sued the lardy arse off him.
If he had said nothing and not given me the job, citing another reason, then they'd have been no comebacks.
Regardless of my error at the end- It still felt bloody good.
i bet. fuck the system and all that.
i think i would have just been in shock if it was me.
A hearty ^5 for you
Scutterbucket - Sticking It To The Man
I had this interviewee today who called me some of the most horrible things....
Was that you?
JOKES
I hope that's true
I don't see why having a fashionable haircut etc would make a difference providing you looked professional.
Seriously! It's not fashionable by anyones standards.
I got it cut last week and was horrified to see how much the hairdresser took off. It's barely touching my ears and by no means long. And i was wearing a brand new suit, shirt, shoes etc
The bloke must have only been in his early thirties as well, so we're not talking about the older generation here. Though i'd still be suprised at anyone for saying that in this day and age.
lol x 100
you are still feeling the effects of frequenting an indepentant old-man hairdresser a week on! a very big lesson should be learnt from this: SUPERCUTS ALL THE WAY
:D
:D
god, seriously, :D. i wish i had balls.
My hero.
If it were me this all wood have happened too.
Except for the next 20 minutes after the interveiw.
In my head.
wow
You didn't undo it
he's going to have a good week of wondering how he ever got into a position to be utterly humiliated by a young trendy, leaving him feeling pathetic, disgusting and pretty damn worthless as a person.
That you managed to get all of that out was amazing. I'd find out who the head of HR is and drop him/her a note anyway, just in case he's not feeling like a loser. Cover all bases.
I might just do that.
If only for the sheer hell of it. I doubt he'd repeat that much of my rant to anyone so the worst that he's probably said is that i got abusive. Once i tell them why he'll be in the shit.
Yup.
Trouble is, if he's mates with the HR bod, they'll just laugh it off together. Be sure to do this tomorrow morning though; then at least he'll be in a shit-foul mood for the entire weekend.
People like that really do deserve their comeuppance.
Hmmm i dunno. I might just let bygones be bygones.
Getting the man involved at this stage just seems a bit of a girly (no offence)thing to do.
I've said my piece and its not as if i'm gonna get anymore satisfaction out of the situation.
Fair dos.
Sometimes it's more stressful having to be venomous than to bother in the first place.
I just don't think people should be allowed to get away with bullying. But most of the time they do.
I guess you're right.
And, i suppose, if i do say something the it'll make the prick choose his words more carefully the next time he interviews anyone with hair longer than a crue cut.
Yep.
I'd write a letter to the HR department informing them of how shocked you were to be asked that question and how dissappointed you were in the general tone the interview was conducted in.
Tell them they may well have missed out on quality people because of this man and that you will certainly be telling anyone to think twice about joining the organisation from now on. If you got the interview through an agency I would also be very strong in expressing your feelings to them.
Interviews should be as much about them selling their company to you as you selling yourself to them then
I'm not sure i could say the "quality people" bit
without sniggering.
I think today was the best thing to happen for all parties. I'm basically looking for a job that i can get away with murder. Actual murder. I might be able to talk the talk but the walk bores the arse off of me. Good God i'm lazy and so so so unenthusiastic about anything remotely related to an office.
A lucky escape for all concerned.
Brilliant
I could never do that.
Basically, teach me to be you.
First, take a bowl.
put it on your head. Cut around the bowl with a scissors. You're halfway there.
Excellent.
MY HERO
<3
i'd an interview today...
if the above had happened to me, I don;t think I'd have all the wherewithall to remain so dignified.
I salute you sir.
I'm not sure i was dignified.
It's alway best to take a few breaths and a moment to think before you launch into anything like that.
^ expert :D
Just used to have a really argumentative, crazy girlfriend
who it was very difficult to win arguments against unless you adopted this approach. Not that i called her a fat fucker....that much.
excellent
and well told too.
When I asked for an application form for Tesco,
I was told that they didn't employ people of 'unnaturally coloured hair'. (I had turquoise hair at the time.) But for fuck sake; Tesco! I didn't say anything, but I wish I'd kicked up more of a fuss.
That seems like a perfectly legitimate reason
to refuse someone...
Oh really?
How's your new hair colour working out for you? ;)
Brown
isn't exactly the same as turquoise is it...?
Yawn.
Surely this is discrimination of some sort though.
If they thought I didn't look enough like I'd just come off the checkout assistant production line, they probably have the right to refuse me the job. But they didn't have to be so brash about it.
Way to stick it to the man, man!
Wow, that was a good read, I'm impressed you're able to carry such large balls around, do you get a sore back? :)
But seriously, it's good you stood up for yourself like that, I think a lot of people (myself included) would not be able to talk to someone like that in a job interview! Also, what a burning collection of insults, I bet the guy headed straight to Burger King to feel good about himself again! Either that or you were scathing enough he's shelled out for a gym membership!
I just got a call from the recruitment aency who sent me to the job
asking how i got on in the interview. They usually phone on the same day of the interview, but they hadn't managed to get hold of the bloke and he hadn't replied to them today. I briefly explained what had happened, saying that i may or may not have called him fat, and the girl was shocked, laughed a bit and then was very apologetic and asked if i wanted to make a formal complaint against the bloke. Apparently, it's their policy to follow up on any grievances, but when I asked what good it would do, she said that it probably wouldn't do much. By the sounds of it, they'd rather keep the other company sweet than rock the boat in anyway. It sucks, but i understand it.
At the end of the phonecall i told her that i still wanted feedback from the bloke, so i'm very much looking forward to hearing that :)
just find out where he lives
and post a turd
with a ribbon on it
You must post your interview feedback please!
*applause*
Sounds brilliant
I've walked out of interviews and jobs before but never with such flair
brilliant
now get him for discrimination based on your appearance!
I think i'll leave it there.
It's very unlikely you'd win a case like that. It's at times like these that i wish i was of an ethnic minority or gay. Why Lord? Why!?!
your hair looks alright on profile photo
christ, you should see people in our sales force....
My mate actually got a sales job and was commended on his 'trendy' haircut as the boss man thought he'd get more sales by being 'cool'
It's actually much shorter than that now
as i got it cut last friday.
Absolutely Amazing
Thats brilliant. I don't think i would have had the balls to mouth off
Good god!
I wasn't expecting all that!
HIGH FUCKING FIVE!
YOU ARE LEGEND.
Apart from the fact I adore reading your descriptive and well thought out posts.
Put this behind you. Do not let YOUR ego get in the way of that bully having a go at you.
Honestly, it sounds as though you would have hated every minute of working in that sort of environment until you felt as though the life and very breath had been ripped from you, surrounded by identikit sales freaks.
There's a lot of work out there on sales / bus dev level right now due to shit market conditions and so something will come up. Let me know if you want any tips on agencies (although can only help with London based work). I'm currently looking for work and although it's marketing and creative that I'm involved with, I'm seeing a lot of stuff on the sales side out there. Keep your chin up - honestly.
*Respect to you. I'd never have the guts to do that.. I remember earlier on in my career being patronised by interviewees, and basically told I'd amount to no good because I had 'the wrong degree'. Fucking idiots. It's just people with no foresight who want to pigeon hole you into a role... ticking the job spec boxes one after the other. Because it's EASY for them to do. And yeah, you could hvae totally gotten him on discrimination. He may have had the last word.. but don't you worry - tonight when he's in his bed, he'll think of you and what you said.. I guarantee it.
Thanks Rose.
For your kind words and for the job help offer.
Regrettably i'm stuck in Reading. My last office job was a sales/marketing split so i might sack off the sales side of it and concerntrate on the marketing side of things. Less A holes in that area. Just.
You are
deeply misguided.
Good man
I had a similar experience once, except the guy kept goading me about why I didn't get a first if I thought I was so clever (I never said anything of the sort but the guy was Northern-chip-on-the-shoulder type who kept making hostile southern jibes at me all the time). He pushed it so far I revealed "Because my girlfriend was raped at the start of my third year and I was less concerned with academic matters"
He goes "Oh pull the other one, what a crock of shit, I've heard some stuff in my time etc etc"
So I slowly got to my feet and began putting my jacket on and picking up my bag and he got all apologetic "Oh sorry, I was just testing you"
I said "Good day sit. I shan't be seeking employment with your company" and walked out.
I hope he feels fucking terrible
Jesus!
That's awful! I think you'd have been well within your legal rights to give him a smack around the chops for that one.
My god
what an absolute cunt. That's horrific :(
oh god.
you did well out of that, he is a horrible horrible man.
Inspired.
I have a list of qualifications as long as the left arms of many people and you'd be hard pushed to find anyone better with everyday maths/arithmetic than me in any given list of candidates, but I never get any jobs where an interview is part of the recruitment process, partly because interviewers generally never, ever look past first impressions, and my shambling, 5'7'' frame and permanent five o'clock shadow - I can't use non-electric shavers without cutting my face off - really don't make a good first impression.
I think the interview as an assessment process is deeply flawed anyway. What bearing does five-to-sixty minutes of initial contact have on how someone is going to represent a company in general? I can see the case for multiple interviews/assessment days and so on, but not for the job which is given on the basis of a single interview.
I like it
I'd love to do that but I don't think I'd manage anything more eloquent than "fuck this y'bastards" and then walk out crying.
That would have worked beautifully too.
I just like the sound of my own voice and can't stand people like that. He was asking for reasons so i gave him one or two.
this
is probably the best thing i've read all week. you're a fucking hero.
i would never read a thread that long
if nothing else, be proud that i read it all :D
What a Hater
another corker from scutter, job interviews are bad enough, blatantly the fatman was envious of you. What you said to him needed be said! Perhaps in a year's time you'll walk past that office and he'll walk out a thin man after what you said and start loving himself instead of hating himself and everyone who is cool & thin! in an ideal world, that is. Good luck with the job hunting, you have it sussed.
player 2 wins
Im afraid to say, even if this did happen, he definitely wins due to that last comment. What a shame.