It’s all gone Pete Tong for Hillary Clinton. It must be true because Perez Hilton has said so.

Ooh la la: Madame Sarkozy has a new album out soon.

Gwyneth Paltrow has blabbed about her career fears.

Is it April Fools Day? Keith’s Allen’s film about the death of Diana is unlikely to reach the UK.

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith’s been bribing coppers.

Neil Tennant’s going to rescue Amy Winehouse. But she’s still playing Glastonbury.

Spike Lee’s accused Clint Eastwood of racism.

Hello Kitty has conquered the world!

The R Kelly trial jury have been shown that sex tape.

Kate Moss’s new frocks hit the shops and The Guardian assesses her rivals in celebrity-endorsed clobber.

And after reading all that, book that holiday to Shitterton.