'The Beatles were so high for the 60s they got Ringo to sing thier songs"
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
"I've got a message for non-smokers. You Die Too"
Following on from that "If only you smoked, we'd have the technology to save you"
Quite interesting reading a Bill Hicks biography, as a teenager Hicks was completey straight edge, or should I say sXe, but once he started touring he indulging in every drug he could get his hands on. One extreme to the other.
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
'Looks like we got ourselves a reader! What you reading for boy?'
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
I cant remember much but...
On Basic Instinct: Piece of shit. Walk Away.
Two women were eating each other out for an hour and a half. Then the credits rolled, I didnt see your scrawny ass in the movie Mike (Michael Douglas).
'I swear I was in that movie, I swear I was!'
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Bill Hicks is such a damn cliche.
Still - he makes me laugh. :)
"I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. 'I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs.' 'I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking.' 'Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!'"
Heh.
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
such a damn cliche? oh jesus christ.
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Hey, hey John come on, Yoko's gone...we can have fun again...listen, Ringo's written a song...something about a yellow tambourine?! Get him off the ceiling....
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
boy, look at him scoot!
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
boy, look at him scoot!
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
boy, look at him scoot!
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
sorry - yo yo internet connection at work...
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
"A lot of Christians like to wear crosses round the neck for Jesus, I tell you if I was Jesus and I came back the last thing I'd want to see would be a fucking cross"
Or something like that.
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
"How about using termenally ill people as stunt men?"
"Hear me out....."
So wrong but you still laugh!
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
"i dont want to sound cold and mean, but i am so thats how it comes out"
"ive found a great way to break even in a casino, i play the change machine"
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Re: Jesus cross gag
"You think if JFK came back to earth he'd want to see everyone wearing guns around their necks? *proceeds to mimic shooting JFK*"
"Hey buddy! We're Christians! And we didn't like what you said about us!"
"So forgive me."
The whole marketing gag is superb as well. Bill Hicks is so bitterly missed. Comedy and politics needs him right now so much!
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
yeah... "C'mere"... "Not a physics major"
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
About a year ago i was in a pub with a mate and someone she knew came to sit down with us and everyone got talking about drugs. This twat then mentioned an experience he had on acid where he was pulled over in a car and a policeman came up and how he was looking in the windscreen saying "you're so small" and so fourth. He was a cunt who basically tried to pass off something bill hicks said as his own. I didn't say anything as he seemed quite simple and didnt want to offend really.
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
A friend of mine did exactly that when we first met. I had never heard of Bill Hicks then and he went about his business. Six months on, I'm watching a Hicks DVD and it all seems strangely familiar somehow...
Anyway: Dick Clarke.
You know what I mean...
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
about being beaten up by non-smokers
"i tried to run, they were faster than I. I hid but they heard me wheezing. Some of them even smelt me."
The Creation/dinosaurs one is quite funny too. "It all seemed so plausible.
Ooh, and "Nobody knows what it's like / To be a dustbin / In Shaftsbury / With hooligans".
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
"The ELITE republican guard"
And of course the pencil in the eye/wheelchair classic.
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
No, seriously, if you are, do"
and
"I WANT MY ROCKSTARS DEEEEEEAD"
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
if not:
'If i lived in Fife, Alabama, I wouldn't be picky. Greyhound, abduct me.'
'Hello Hammer - back for more?'
'Goat Boy will wear you like a feed bag...'
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
*tap*
"dude, I think something hit us?"
"Really?! you sure?"
"Yeh, I think so....."
There will be Domino pizza trucks all over the highways!
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Didn't beat anybody, Didn't rape anybody, Didn't lose..hmm..ONE FUCKING JOB!
Laughed my ass off....and went about my day.
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
'The Beatles were so high for the 60s they got Ringo to sing thier songs"
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Following on from that "If only you smoked, we'd have the technology to save you"
Quite interesting reading a Bill Hicks biography, as a teenager Hicks was completey straight edge, or should I say sXe, but once he started touring he indulging in every drug he could get his hands on. One extreme to the other.
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
On Basic Instinct: Piece of shit. Walk Away.
Two women were eating each other out for an hour and a half. Then the credits rolled, I didnt see your scrawny ass in the movie Mike (Michael Douglas).
'I swear I was in that movie, I swear I was!'
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Still - he makes me laugh. :)
"I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. 'I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs.' 'I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking.' 'Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!'"
Heh.
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Or something like that.
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
"Hear me out....."
So wrong but you still laugh!
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
"ive found a great way to break even in a casino, i play the change machine"
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
"You think if JFK came back to earth he'd want to see everyone wearing guns around their necks? *proceeds to mimic shooting JFK*"
"Hey buddy! We're Christians! And we didn't like what you said about us!"
"So forgive me."
The whole marketing gag is superb as well. Bill Hicks is so bitterly missed. Comedy and politics needs him right now so much!
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
Anyway: Dick Clarke.
You know what I mean...
Re: favourite bill hicks joke
"i tried to run, they were faster than I. I hid but they heard me wheezing. Some of them even smelt me."
The Creation/dinosaurs one is quite funny too. "It all seemed so plausible.
Ooh, and "Nobody knows what it's like / To be a dustbin / In Shaftsbury / With hooligans".
So, so many. ooooh, dark poetry.