c'mon i know you lot know many of these. A couple which i remember from last time just to get you going.
Why shouldn't you wear speedos when swimming in Russia?
Because chernobyl fall out.
and....
Man walks into a butchers.
Man: I bet you can't reach the meat on the top shelf
Butcher:I'm not taking that bet mate!
Man:Why not?
Butcher: the steaks are too high!!!!!!!!!!
xx
So theres these two giants, right...
classic joke ^
Speaking of which:
Q: Why was the book 'The History of Beavers' a bestseller?
A: Because it was a dam good read.
Q: Why did Mike Tyson slice his own stomach open?
A: Because it was open mike night.
Q: What time do alligators go to bed?
A: 11 o'croc.
The answer to the first one is actually
that everyone assumed it would be about vaginas.
Why was the book
'A History of Vacuum Cleaners & Energy-related building projects' a bestseller?
Because it was a Hoover Dam good read.
i supped a drink before reading the first one
needless to say, the drink is no dispersed around the room
When is a door not a door?
When it's a Mehodor!
HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaa
F
UCKING AMAZING
:')
Euripedes trousers?
...
.....
..
.
i don't get it?
you mend-a these trousers!
i do actually get it
god if i didn't get it by now there would be hell coming my way i'm sure.
:'(
:'D
is this a brail joke?
Not mine.
What was Dick Van Dyke called before he was called Dick Van Dyke?
Richard Van Lesbian!
.....
Doctor, Doctor - I have a problem. I can't stop singing "The Green Green Grass of Home" and "Delilah".
"Sounds like you have a severe case of Tom Jones Syndrome.
"Is it rare?"
"Well, it's not unusual."
Doctor, doctor, I'm being mauled by
a large, hibernating forest mammal.
Bear with me.
:)
two monkeys are sitting in a bath
one turns to the other and says,
'ooooooh ooooooh ahhhh ahhhh'
the other replys
'Well turn on the cold tap then'
heard this before!
brillaint joke!
my ex told me it
it makes me luagh way to much
A man walks into a butchers shop
Man: Hey wheres Bob
Butcher: Oh I fired him
Man: Why?
Butcher: Caught him with his penius in the Sausage maker
Man: What happend to the Sausage Maker?
Butcher: I fired her as well
hahaha!! so unexpected!! lol!
Penis*
:(
Penius made it funnier
Sounds like a Monty Python Roman Centurion.
:D
*claps*
awful
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their new habits.
After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.
"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice tits," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"
.
:D
:D
2 fish in a tank
one turns to the other and says:
"do you know how to drive this thing?"
A little plastic castle, A surprise every time
:D
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
'Damn.'
Why dont hippies make good lifeguards
Its too far out, man!
So Michael Jackson comes home from work to find his wife packing her bags.
He says to her: "darling what are you doing?"
she replies: "I'm leaving you Michael! I heard on the news that you are a paedophile!"
he says: "Whoah... thats a big word for a 6 year old."
When's a door not a door?
When it's ajar!
What Cheese is made backwards
Edam!
I nun is at the back of the night bus and walks up to the driver.
"I am a woman of god but I wish to fel the touch of a man"
The Driver says "What?"
"Cometo the back of the bus and have sex with me, as long as you are not married and have no children."
The driver is perplexed but a bit horny. He decides to the back of the bus.
The nun says "You must do it up my bum, as the Lord only accepts virgins.
The driver thinks "hey ho, might as well".
Once they have done the deed, the driver turns to the nun and says "I must confess - I am married with two children."
The nun replies "That's okay, my names Dave and I am going to a fancy dress party."
Kudos
on the Edam joke.
n k
here;s a joke for you
ALEC
A cowboy walks into a German car showroom and says
"Audi"
what do you call a man with no shins
tony
What do you call a Women with one leg?
ILENE!!!