by myself, for myself

well, that didn't work out. almost a year later, and i'm finally typing again, if only to look busy. want to know what's happened? no? tough. i've got a promotion, less work, internet access that i keep thinking will dissapear any second (along with my job when they realise how little i do now), no new tattoos, a million and one new cd's (alright, maybe just a hundred and one) with nowhere to store them, and a cat. the wedding is almost sorted, but my fiancee still isnt happy since shes pretty much failing her degree, so consequently, i'm still not happy. i'm also no longer angry, which is bad. i'm apathetic about pretty much everything now. days consist of waiting for 5pm, and evenings consist of too much tv and not enough stimulation. my brain is slowly shutting down. (i continually say to people on the phone it wakes up on tuesday aftenoon, and starts to shut down on thursday in preparation for the weekend). i'm slowly regressing to an internet nerd, because i dont go out anymore, so the only people i talk to outside of work are online. however, i refuse to join myspace or anything like that. this is as far as i will stoop. my mates are still istening to emo/indie/general wussy music, so i cant convince them to come out to the sort of gigs i enjoy, and there isnt a hope in hell tara would come. if i ever move back to birmingham, i am going to keep on at my brother and his mates until they break. instead of lying to myself ("i'll do this later, tomorrow, next week, month, year...") i no longer bother. whatever it is just goes to the bottom of the pile to be forgotten about until its too late to do anything about, or it has to be rushed through and not savoured. all in all, my life is a sad state of affairs, and the only thing keeping me going is the tiny glimmer of hope that says it cant get worse, its just boring, not life threatening, you can still turn it around. but first, i need a serious kick in the pants to get me going. once the wedding is done i should have £200 extra per month to dop something with, but that's still 4 months away. anyone want to suggest a short term solution? didn't think so.