And now it's here. I've felt the winds of change since I started writing here. Always with an air of hopefulness and expectation. And now it's here; it's starting. (No wait: I know I've been vague. I'm writing a cryptic puzzle of detail and no grand narrative. tWeEmO blogging without biographical coherence. From now on there'll be backstory. Lost-style flashbacks. I'll reveal truth - insofar as I can. Casting myself as self-consciously affable fool, loveable loser; nothing too damning. But not yet - vagueness for one last time) I'd started to think it wasn't going to happen. Like in TV where the moment of drama is delayed to a point-of-no-return, until it's unbearable, and then beyond, the tension is drained away by intentional mistiming, but, finally, after-finally, the inevitable happens. So it's here: change. Internal and external. The seeds of destruction were there. My arrogance - well-hidden, or non-existant for so long - has crept back. Forgotten since childhood, it was there in my claims to the ownership of a city that traps me (yes, i see now that I got it the wrong way round). And other truths also - I'll get to this - about aesthetics and the tree of knowledge, about plane journeys and the widening of horizons, about the after-the-end (after-the-present too) implosion of history, a merging of fragmented personalities, a blurring of lines through a too-late love of reading and the discovery of film. And there's more: there's alcohol (a bottle of smirnoff vodka, a shot glass filled with aftershock), a website (yes, it's DiS), and music and songs and smoking alone at night... Now it's here change seems less and less like an opportunity to start over; rather the beginning of the end. (And an end to this pretentiousness. It's another symptom of the arrogance fever and The End. I need to get back to beginnings to understand. Back to simple words and straight talking)