...and the misty haze that is kinda surrounding my life at the moment has once again drawn in and thickened to the point of madness.

I'm ill today, feeling like my body doesn't want me to use it anymore and to be quite honest, I'm pretty sick of being overweight and boring. If I was like, PROPERLY fat, it would be OK, but I ponce around the indie boy stereotype too much and therefore standing at White Heat with a waist size larger than 30" instantly demotes me to the lowest socio-political rung on the scene-ladder.

I went to Glasgow and fucked my thumb up pretty spectacularly. I also had one of the most enjoyable nights in a long time and realised that London, despite how I may claim it to be, isn't the epicentre of the universe.

I just sneezed and felt a little sick.

I'm 20 years old, 21 in a matter of weeks and I'm already in a job that many would kill to be in, living pretty comfortably and mixing with some genuinely lovely people. The worry thing is, if I'm at this stage already, on top of the world (generally) and still have a large portion of my life to live - where the hell do I go from here?

I'd love to think that I could quell the voices in the back of my head that prevent me from entering into a relationship, conveniently reminding me how much I enjoy flirting and generally being an in-yo-face kinda guy, but when they speak I'm instantly disintrested in any progress I've made with a prospective partner.

But I'm only 20.

I couldn't enjoy myself for the bulk of Natalie's party at the Tatty Bogle last night. My evening consisted of pining for the DJ booth just so I could separate myself from those whose intention carried alcoholic outlines and dance-related fillings. How I was consistently asked, "are you alright," and replied with a nod or a, "no, but I don't really know why." That's just the problem though; I really don't know why I'm sitting here writing a massive blog about this pent-up teenage-like angst that I've been suffering since returning from Scotland on Saturday evening.

All I know is that I can feel a change beneath my feet. Someone is going to change something on my behalf or I'm going to do it myself. The real problems will arise then.