Aka How I learnt to stop worrying and love Most Haunted.

Ask yourself a question? If you where someone like Jim Morrison, James Dean or Frank Sinatra....would you bother manifesting yourself to Gail "rapidly loosing my accent\claims to be a skeptic but shits her pants" Porter and some American "psychic" with all the mediumship abilities of a ham sandwich?
No, neither would I.

As much as you might hate "Most Haunted", (and believe me on occasions so do I), AT LEAST IT IS OBJECTIVE!!! There is someone on it at the end who at least offers to debunk it all by saying that orb could have been a fly, a dust particle, Derek is a twat and Evette is satan's slut ho etc.
Most Haunted used to be alright until it got big and desperate housewives started ringing in and saying, "oh my god....all the lights in my house are flickering" (check the fuses Pat).
....also why would you keep a spoon locked in a room on a table?

Anyway,
Not on Dead Shite.
They go to the Whaley House which is one of America's most haunted houses and a chandelier starts rocking in the old courthouse where a little boy died.
Guess what fuckers....there is MAIN ROAD outside of the window...ever thought that you know it could be, uhh, passing vibrations from vehicles?
Don't get me wrong I believe in ghosts to the max...I'd be lying to myself if I said I didn't but this show is shite.

For example this week Gaaail, (not a typo, I'm just remembering the days of her being a Weekend TV morning presenter. You remember that crappy show which she was on, the name of which I can't be bothered to remember, the one with Morag the cow who had snot running down her nose and was so unbelieveably gross that it looked like she'd been bum fucked by Ed the Duck, Andi Peters and Otis the Aardvark and been born of Ugmo Hawkins), and Chris "that was sooo coooool" Fleming go to a haunted house in Lake Tacho.
They are joined by four other people - a lady who is the curator or something, a couple from the EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomenen) Association of America and another "psychic", called Linda Wolf-Piss, (not her name but she was as unconvincing as Piss Flemming).

The lights go off and the fun and games begin....first of all with Linda Wolf-Piss being posessed by a spirit. Clutching at walls, crying and hyperventilating....NOT TO BE UPSTAGED Chris collapses by her and claims he is being attacked by ghosts.
I hope they whop his ass good.
Linda Wolf-shit is led away to safety by Gaaaaaaale, (who is scared by a noise coming along the coridoor which is probably the Toploader singer trying to cram his head down it...yes I know she wasn't married to him), she is still crying and trembling and then she raises one of her legs like a dog attemping to urinate and screams that they are attempting to drag her back.
She collapses on Gail who is helped by Chris the Psychic who seems to have recovered from this spiritual smackdown and is led away to safety.

Now Chris is MAD!!! He storms off, kicks something and addresses the spirits and tells them to knock it off.
Earlier in the show they played us some EVP's that had been recorded...would have been nice to hear them WITHOUT the stupid back ground music.
It's comforting to know that later on in the show they caught something telling Chris he was a "fucking prick"....which is also an adjective used for Ugmo Hawkins, Robbie Williams, Johnny Borrell, Pete...the list is endless.

For my last and final rant on this shite - I think this says it all. I'm not going to even touch on Chris's "posession" as that was just BAD acting.
They wandered out into the garden where an employee was mauled by a bear in the 1940s. Any credibility that Chris Bumming could have known this straight off without any prior knowledge was ruined when Gaaaaaaaail and the curator had a conversation, in the background, near to Chris, in earshot about the happening and he IMMEDIATELY picked up on it.

The quality of this show reminds me of another equally medocre show called THE GHOST DETECTIVES. It comprised of:

1) The local bike complete with bleeding heart tattoo who was the "resercher"

2) A head shaved lesbian who said her mother was the seventh child and so was she so she was psychic....uh huh. She got her BIG MOMENT on one of Most Haunted Live when she sat and drew a picture.

3) A tempremental gay guy who spent his time dancing round like a ballerina and got mad in Stratford Upon Avon and said, "Well!!! He wanted to speak but you wouldn't let him, tut".

The final nail in the coffin of variety - what's next, lets ask Chris Fleming once he's put down the TV guide.