So 2001. Terrorists, The Strokes and Helen and Paul. Yes I know it’s a bit early for a year review, but many people are wondering what their fave band will be doing in 2002. I can exclusively reveal their plans.
A decision is made to follow up the success of "Is This It" by releasing a new album a soon as possible. Called It Is This, it features 11 new Strokes songs, including “The Nite Before Last”, “Harder To Explain”, “NYC Cops Are Really Nice”, and the stunning “Now Legal”. Lead singer Julian Casablancas states “We wanted to dismiss any notion that we were a one trick pony band.” Despite the NME giving the album an 11 and putting The Strokes on the cover 81 times a week, the album flops, and the band each begin self-indulgent solo projects.
Starsailor return with a new album “We're Rock ‘Ard, We Are”, which shows the band taking a 'rockier' direction. The album even features a guest appearance by Lemmy who enters the studio to cry “You're Shit!” during the album's title track. The front cover shows the band dressed in leathers, with large breasted women draped over them. James Walsh has to tape his vocal contributions from a hospital bed after he broke both legs while attempting to ride a motorcycle. Lemmy passes his writhing body on the motorway. “You're still shit!” he is heard to cry.
Muse enter the studio to work on a new, complex album. Entitled “Child B”, it features Bellamy’s vocals distorted on several tracks, and sometimes, there are no guitars. Bellamy changes hair colour 975 times a day during recording. He emerges bald. The record is roundly dismissed as crap, except for Thom Yorke, who applies to adopt Bellamy as some kind of makeshift son.
Fred Durst, realising that he is the only member of the band left, decides to make an album of depressed, acoustic grungey warbling. The master tapes go missing. Staind also release album.
WK realises he is in fact a long haired wanker making kiddie rock music for the text message generation. He retires to become a painter. He paints pictures of various parties he’s been to. This ends when the partygoers get fed up of being asked to keep still .
Oasis’ new album comes out, entitled “We're Shit Now, But People Still Like Us!!”. Includes such classics as “I Feel Fine”, “A Day In The Life”, and “Come Together”. Noel Gallagher is found crying in the street when it enters the chart at number 47., “It used to be so easy!” he screams at passers by. They ignore him.
New album halted when Damon Albarn sends along a cartoon of himself to work on the album, while the flesh and blood version spends his days wanking over his Gorillaz pictures.
Of course, it may not pan out like that…..