We love the tabloids, we do, and we especially love Heat (just don't normally admit it in public), and because these people seemingly inhabit totally different worlds to you and I (unless you actually write for the tabloids or Heat), it seems only fair to report what's going on in that weird old world.
Firstly, The Mirror reports "Atomic Kitten Natasha Hamilton dropped a bombshell by copying bandmate Jenny Frost's hairstyle without warning her." OH. MY. GOD. According to their source, "Jenny and fellow Kitten Liz McClarnon, 22, went nuclear when they saw Natasha yesterday morning."
Jenny is said to have stormed out of the room where they were having their make-up done, later ringing her hairdresser to get her over to put in hair extensions.
DiS is DiSgusted at Natasha's copycat behaviour and hopes Jenny recovers soon.
Meanwhile up in Scotland, The Sun ran a page-and-a-half story on still-unsigned Manc glam punks Karmakops, mainly concentrating on the fact that their Glaswegian singer is an extra in 'Hollyoaks' (it's true) and that he'd rather be playing in a pub with his band. Man.
Elsewhere, it's been revealed by a few publications that Ricky Gervais is to be given a Brit Award as the 'Music Industry's Favourite Comedian', to make up for the fact that the BBC forgot to nominate him for a BAFTA (nb. the BAFTA thing was allegedly a clerical error. According to top 'The Office' website, www.wernhamhogg.co.uk, it looks like he could get a nomination anyway). The BBC are rumoured to be trying to persuade him to do The Dance (you know the one) or his rendition of 'If You Don't Know Me By Now' (unlikely).
Gervais and Steve Merchant are taking a break from Xfm to oversee the American version of 'The Office'. Adam & Joe will be standing in, in a couple of weeks' time.
Heat reckons blonde ditz and possible Britney and Christina rival, Jessica Simpson, could net herself $20million this year. She's currently fielding sponsorship offers following the success of her MTV show, 'The Newlyweds'. Who cares? Not us. But Moldy Peach Adam Green released a lovely single dedicated to her, so she does have some use.
Heat's spies spotted Jack and Kelly Osbourne in a Buckinghamshire curry house, twice in one week. They also saw Simon Cowell and Will Young in Selfridges, AT THE SAME TIME, on DIFFERENT FLOORS. Gracious. BUT, a very very very drunk DiS spotted Gary Jules checking out the bands in the Camden Dublin Castle on Tuesday. Which was nice. Maybe we should tell Heat.
That's yr lot. Now piss off.
PS. If you're brave, here's a disturbing photo of Rik Waller.