As the sun beats, so does the bass. As the world turns, so does my stomach.
I know the periodisation of popular culture is nothing but unhealthy, but you can’t argue with a dribbling pillhead about semantics at 3am. So here goes, mock me if you will.
Remember those dark days, the adolescent hum, the drum of youth? You must do, we all wore trilbys and smoked rollies, bloats on self importance. Test Icicles came as quickly as they melted, we all dressed skinny and happy and smoked fags again. ‘New-rave’ could have been a brilliant little sub-genre of modern music; all it needed was someone to mar it with a kraut rather than baggy beat. Dead on its own feet, here reads an epitaph. Thanks, The Whip.
“I wanna be trash,” sing they. Once, I saw someone walk through New Cross with ‘eat my shit’ printed on tracksuit, stretched across their arse. I saw its sagging doubt become taut then drip away with each wearied step. I think it disgusted me more than anything possibly could.
I think this relates to The Whip. Can those in these bands be acutely aware of their own situation? Perhaps they should be exempt from such thought. Perhaps they’re nothing more than a naïve reappropriation of their favourite tunes, breed from backroom bars. Perhaps popular culture is to blame, it skips in our skinny frames somewhere between birth and first fuck and stays mute ‘til it spews joy and mangles forth. On tap to New Order, Stone Roses, Oasis. But listen lads, look; northern rock is bust, get over it.
As it is, the record sounds thus. The singer cannot sing, the band cannot think. On ‘Save My Soul’, he sounds like he’s strung out on his own tongue. ‘Divebomb’ slightly apes Daft Punk. ‘Dubsex’ is lost amidst its own inertia; a tired pun on something only it knows.
This isn’t a good record. And this isn’t a good review. I just think we need to make an example of someone; step on a few ugly reared heads before they stomp on us. Ten years ago I couldn’t have cared less. Affluence bred and we were all happy in whatever niche afforded us. Now, things are different. We can only sustain a few.
You asked for The Whip, well that’s what you’ve got…
I actually quite liked Divebomb
Haven't heard this album, but this isn't the first damning verdict I've come across
No no no
I asked for WHIP!
thank fuck i didnt rely on DiS
on whether i should buy this album. 1. it's too fucking late as it's been out for quite a few weeks and the everybody else got their reviews out of the way weeks ago 2. This review is highly inaccurate, I actually really like this album but to give it 1/10 is a load of bollocks - that would suggest this record has nothing whatsoever going for it which is untrue, it's at least a 7/10 record. Words fail me on the quality of this review.
re: point 1
thats not DiS's fault. it's mine.
^^ well said
its not great but hey.
Just because you say it's a shit review
doesnt excuse it, I havent heard this album but I saw them live a couple of times now and they seen fairly decent if not disposable. 1/10? I really doubt it.
Harsh
It's really not that bad, but it's not that good either, seems really dated in places.
'Divebomb' is an absolute monster though.
what's the point
of writing a review if you can't be bothered? Reviewing is not supposed to be about 'making an example' or slamming a whole scene, surely it's about whether or not the album's any good? So ten years ago you didn't care - sounds like that still holds true...
Shit review
don't be lazy
i'd give this 6/10 anyway
For those who got bored and skipped to the comments, here are the bits of the review that are about
" 'I wanna be trash,' sing they. "
" As it is, the record sounds thus. The singer cannot sing, the band cannot think. On 'Save My Soul', he sounds like he’s strung out on his own tongue. 'Divebomb' slightly apes Daft Punk. 'Dubsex' is lost amidst its own inertia; a tired pun on something only it knows. "
" This isn’t a good record. "
No need to thank me. Take those extra five minutes and do something beautiful. You don't need to wallow in another man's bitterness.
eat my shit
*' ... '
No thank you
why bother showing this review?
I think the album's pretty average with some second rate New Order stylings going on but I'd sooner listen to it than have to read something thats as half arsed, lazy and utterly gash on this site ever again. Sort it out DiS
Wankers
The Whip are shit and get far too much coverage given how searingly dull they are with their sub New Order gay disco ripoff music. Drowned in Sound however are utter cunts as well, sucking the dicks of any wanky guitar bands with beards that throw a crappy, boring album at them. Or if you're already famous, they will also, by default, suck you off. Do the world a favour - stay away from this website then the worthless, braindead spunk buckets that run it might have to go and do something useful instead.
DAD!
I told you not to bother me at work.
Work?!
Yes, hyping up every self consciously alternative album by the latest slew of shit bands in an attempt to appear trendy must be hard work. Especially given that, as we know, music journos are all failed musicians.
Just be glad we aren't telling everyone that your middle name is "muff".
C'mon dad...
...you're always telling me to pull my jeans up, cos they're loose. You KNOW I'm not trendy.
I know we didn't cover the last David Gilmour album, but I did get you a copy, remember?
C'mon, let's go play darts and have half a mild. You're getting cranky what with this heat.
Yes
We know you're not trendy but we're disappointed you didn't attend those "how to stop being a pretentious tosser" classes we paid for.
I look forward to reading your next batch of excessively wordy bum-licking "Reviews" of some painfully alternative wanky bands' shit albums. And keep up the good work ignoring / panning anything that doesn't fit with your studenty agenda.
What should we be covering?
I went the once...
...but turns out you'd spent the fees on following the fortunes of some Division 4 football losers. I mean, DAD... it's my education that's suffered.
Etc.
Etc.
Etc.
Thanks for reading/contributing.
You're doing the right thing
...by trying to deflect criticism with attempted humour, but the fact remains that your head remains firmly lodged up your arse. Perhaps a rebranding as drownedinshit.com is called for.
What should we be covering?
Well
It's not necessarily a case of covering different bands (but fair play on trying to do a bit of market research here) but trying to be a bit less predictable in worshipping dreadful "alternative" bands. Except they're not alternative because that's all you cover. Alternative would be to cover something a bit different. I am also reliably informed that you have a shitty reputation for not even bothering to reply to emails from smaller labels. Something to think about there.
So you don't want us to cover different bands
but you don't want us to worship dreadful 'alternative' bands?
So, I ask again - what should we be covering? Not what shouldn't we, what SHOULD we.
If I spent my entire day replying to emails from smaller labels I'd never get to cover dreadful alternative bands. Just talk about them to smaller labels.
Hmm
"If I spent my entire day replying to emails from smaller labels I'd never get to cover dreadful alternative bands."
That may be no bad thing.
Oh I don't know, I started off with abuse and now you want marketing advice? Just try not to be such dickheads.
you seem quite bitter
Just an observation
not taking the piss.
Almost bitter enough
...for them to offer me a job reviewing. (Thank you, no).
Do you want a job reviewing?
No
But seriously, well done on not rising to any of this. I may have to revise my opinion of you. Though not of your editorial choices.
I choose YOU
?!
You could always...
Just go on other websites instead? No?
hehehe
mungo2 you remind me of statler and waldorf (the two old blokes on the muppets )
"S: That was the worst thing I’ve ever heard!
W: It was terrible!
S: Horrendous!
W: Well it wasn’t that bad.
S: Oh, yeah?
W: Well, there were parts of it I liked!
S: Well, I liked alot of it.
W: Yeah, it was GOOD actually.
S: It was great!
W: It was wonderful!
S: Yeah, bravo!"
Great stuff : )
No
They're still twats.
I'd disagree with the reviewer's rating
- this is a solid 6/10 album. It doesn't change the world, but it does the job efficiently enough.
The review itself is a big pile of word wank though, and says more about the prejudices of the writer, who seems a most unpleasant individual.
i'd go along with this
possibly give it a 7/10. im off to see them on saturday for the 3rd time, they're a dcent live band and the album is decent enough, nothing gorundbreaking but good for what it is.
Agreed.
Worst record of the year from a genre i can partly associate with.
this band
are completely atrocious
people who say the album is shit...
should realise that its meant to be dumb ass dance music.
Its not meant to change the world. I agree a 7/10 would have been more sufficient.
^ agree with that comment about dumb ass dance music
not all music can have the cosmic significance of fucking Sunn O))), The Fuck Buttons, Neutral Milk Hotel and Boris.
;-)
Great review, and I haven't even read it.
1/10 is probably a little bit harsh, it's probably a 2. I'd say 1.4 on the Pitchfork scale.
Save My Soul and Divebomb are really, really atrocious. Divebomb is nearly six minutes of interminable arbitrary noise.
Tom King, blatantly a dickhead.
I'm not a massive fan of The Whip, but come on, no-one could say this album was less than a 6/10, even if you really disliked the band. At least four of the tracks are decent, and whilst it's absolutely unoriginal no-one could say it's complete tat. It's reviews like this that let DiS down.
I can say it's complete tat.
And will, thanks.
It is complete tat.
There.
if Tom King felt it was tat
and argued it as such by putting his case forward and saying it was 4/10 or 5/10 with justification then fair enough most people would accept it as taste is subjective. But he didnt, he wrote the review on the bus to Uni - it's lazy and sloppy journalism. I thought the point of a review was a subjective critique on said product as well as to help influence purchasing decisions?
regardless of all this arguing
its still a lazy review.
Awful, very narrow minded review
Worst line - "But listen lads, look; northern rock is bust, get over it."
Really, this album ain't ground breaking, but it's got a few decent tracks and if you are someone who likes a bit of electro-pop-rock, this is alright. 6/10 imo.
listening to the album at work
and i am smirking at the lack of effort the writer has put into the review - it's really not that awful an album. One other thing, Tom King writes: "Ten years ago I couldn’t have cared less" but surely you would have been ten years old Tom - all you would have been doing is going to school, sniffing copydex glue and eating turkey twizzlers surely - of course you wouldn't care!
meh.
I'd give it 5 or 6 I reckons. 1 though? It isn't a 1 album by any stretch.
Hoorah!
Good review. Feel bad for The Whip getting sole responsibility for the problems mentioned, but yeah, its a pointless album.
I'm concerned by everyone saying 'its not a great album by any stretch, maybe give it a 6 or 7' viewpoint. If its a bit of a non-event, then it deserves a worse score than something that at least has the decency to be properly amusingly crap.
I think I speak for thousands when I pick up this album and say 'meh' at it, and then put it down and walk out. Even knowing I couldn't have bought it anyway cause my cards have been cancelled. Principle innit.
"If its a bit of a non-event, then it deserves a worse score than something that at least has the de
Save us from "ironic" ratings.